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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let my 8 year old ds play outside

79 replies

GwenTen · 12/05/2011 18:10

We live on a fairly busy street with no cul-de-sacs, quiet bits of park etc. For the last few weeks ever, since one of his classmates (a girl) has been calling round for him to pl;ay, he has been moaning at me to let him play in the street. I have no problem with her coming in to play which she has, but tonight another girl has called round for him and they have been in and out of the house with me following them up and down the street like a mad thing.

I can't understand how mothers can let their kids roam the street without knowing where they are.

AIBU?

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 12/05/2011 18:12

you do know where he is.....in the street!!!

tallulahxhunny · 12/05/2011 18:13

dont you know where he is?

i think yabu !

if he stays in the steet where you live then you should let him out, if hes likely to wander then dont :)

seeker · 12/05/2011 18:13

Yes you are.

usualsuspect · 12/05/2011 18:14

yabu ..can't you let him out ,and tell him to stay in the street

GypsyMoth · 12/05/2011 18:14

8 is a bit too old to keepe cooped up indoors dont you think??

DooinMeCleanin · 12/05/2011 18:14

It depends where you live really.

Or street is a nightmare for drivers as its all blocked off here, there and everywhere as there is a park right opposite. I let my 7yo play out alone. If we lived somewhere with a lot of traffic I wouldn't.

And just because I can't see her it doesn't mean I don't know where she is. She always tells me where she is going. She knows if she breaks the rules, she won't be allowed out again. I even know what she gets upto. I have spies Wink

I should think at 8 he is old enough to play in front of the house/in the street alone. Unless you live on a motorway? They need to be given some freedom at some point.

colditz · 12/05/2011 18:15

he's a bit old to keep in. You know where he is, he's outside. If he doesn't know about stranger-danger, now is the time to teach him.

Original poster
GwenTen · 12/05/2011 18:15

Yes but we live on the corner of the street and when he has gone I can't see him. I probably should not have posted because people have their own views on this and even though he is 9 in a couple of months I can't see me letting him do it.

OP posts:
colditz · 12/05/2011 18:16

PS i am uberclingy mum, butt he only reaosn 8 year old Ds1 doesn't play out is that he has clinicaly diagnosed SN. Otherwise, he would, and I do let him out if I'm sitting on the front step.

5318008 · 12/05/2011 18:16

okay

what you need to do is to assess how sensible he is, go through a few safety things with him (don't get in someone's car no matter how appealing the sound of a puppy is for eg) how adept he is at crossing the road, does he know the home phone number, speak to local shopkeepers to see if he can shelter there/call you if he has no mobile on him and is in trouble, this kind of thing

then assess how much of your anxiety is justified, taking into account your own comfort zone and bearing in mind that all children are different and child A (sensible level headed) may be safer than child B (dreamy and easily distracted)

squeakytoy · 12/05/2011 18:17

He is 8, it is cruel to keep a child of that age confined to his house for heavens sakes!!!

colditz · 12/05/2011 18:17

You don't need to see him, he's old enough to be unseen for a few minutes. i know everyone has their own views on this, and every parent is different, but when your parenting is making your child immature and different from his peers, you have to look at whether you are doing the right thing. Most 9 year olds round here walk to school alone.

Original poster
GwenTen · 12/05/2011 18:18

I can see the point about keeping him "cooped up" but other people who know our road agree with me and a lot of his friends (who live by us and elsewhere) are still not allowed outside. I don't trust him, he is the type who would go further than I would allow him to. He is very easily led.

OP posts:
colditz · 12/05/2011 18:19

I played out at 8 and 9, and I was a policeman's daughter! And I lived on an A road.

colditz · 12/05/2011 18:20

Well, if he was easily led, maybe you need to let him out, spy on him, then punish him if he disobeys you. That will teach him to obey you regardless of what his friends are doing (it's what my dad did to me)

I understand why you're frightened. I do. but 8 is a funny age, it's an age of big steps into independance.

SoupDragon · 12/05/2011 18:22

"I probably should not have posted because people have their own views on this and even though he is 9 in a couple of months I can't see me letting him do it."

So, why did you post if you don't want to hear opinions? Did you only want to hear people agreeing that you shouldnt allow him any freedom

midori1999 · 12/05/2011 18:24

I think it depends on things like how busy the road is outside your house and how mature your DS is for an 8 year old, whether he will stay out of the road and on the pavement, for example, if he is going to be allowed to cross the road how to cross it safely, whether he understands not to talk to strangers etc.

My older DS was allowed to play at the park round the corner with his friends when he was 8, and out the front of the house since much earlier, but he was very grown up and sensible for his age and we lived in a quiet area. DS2 is now 10 and has only just been allowed to go anywhere other than the street, but rather than it being a safety issue for him (we now live in an army camp, so although not completely safe, it's about as safe as you could get IMO) it is more that he is not especially sensible for his age and I'd been concerned he would be easily led and get into trouble.

usualsuspect · 12/05/2011 18:24

Most parents would let their nearly nine year olds play out ..so I don't think you will get many posters agreeing with you

Original poster
GwenTen · 12/05/2011 18:24

I did spy on him tonight and he crossed a road and ran off up the street so I could not see him. He is very bright but can get incredibly giddy and irrational when with friends - that what scares me. He is an only child but I am always willing to have children round to play with him (which I do). Why the street rather than the garden. I just wish we lived in a nice quiet culd-de-sac.

OP posts:
DooinMeCleanin · 12/05/2011 18:25

The thing is you have to let them have reasonable amounts of freedom, small steps at a time.

Surely you dn't expect him to turn 11 and suddenly know what to do when he is left unsupervised? In two years time he will making his own way to and from school.

squeakytoy · 12/05/2011 18:27

I think a child of that age should be able to safely cross a road. I grew up on a busy main road that had lorries and buses going up and down it all day, but we didnt play ON the road.

GypsyMoth · 12/05/2011 18:28

nearly 9?? secondary school in a couple of years then!!

MumblingRagDoll · 12/05/2011 18:28

Ah Gwen it's hard! I know...I think one thing that I do to help myself is that when DD and I are crossing roads together...I always reinforce that she NEVER "crosses with the crowd" but that she wait's till the green man is there or till' SHE sees there is no traffic coming....I really bang it into her head....so that hopefully, she wont be in a situation where she runs across with her mates just because they do....

I also speak about the traffic as we walk about the streets going to shops or whatever....I will point out a van for eg. which appears with little sound...and these pointers will help her judge fr herself.

iEmbarassedMyself · 12/05/2011 18:28

You really shouldn't have posted if you didn't want to hear other opinions from your own. Especially not in AIBU.
I think YABU, he's not all alone, he has one or two friends with him. If something happens to him, they know where he lives and where to come and get you. You can set boundaries of where he is and isn't allowed to go, and if you see that he's gone beyond those boundaries you can ground him from being out for a few days, and eventually he'll learn not to go out of the street and what consequences that has.

SauvignonBlanche · 12/05/2011 18:31

YABU.

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