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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not let my 8 year old ds play outside

79 replies

GwenTen · 12/05/2011 18:10

We live on a fairly busy street with no cul-de-sacs, quiet bits of park etc. For the last few weeks ever, since one of his classmates (a girl) has been calling round for him to pl;ay, he has been moaning at me to let him play in the street. I have no problem with her coming in to play which she has, but tonight another girl has called round for him and they have been in and out of the house with me following them up and down the street like a mad thing.

I can't understand how mothers can let their kids roam the street without knowing where they are.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

GwenTen · 12/05/2011 19:27

Fair point, just wanted to see what other people thought and now I have so no need to get stroppy.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 12/05/2011 19:30

They are almost always going to express the opinion that a person will be irreparably damaged by not 'playing out' from the earliest possible age. It's like starting a thread saying, 'Should I formula feed?'

Original poster

GwenTen · 12/05/2011 19:34

OK expat, you are so right. Thank you. Did not realise how many people thought that. Will think about subject more before I post next time.

OP posts:

seeker · 12/05/2011 19:44

My ds does not "roam the streets". He goes out to play with his mates! He wears a watch and carries an ancient crap phone kept by the door for this very purpose and he checks in, either in person or by phone every hour - he knows that if he does not do this there will be blood for breakfast.

He doesn not have "a hard edge" and he is not "streetwise". Unless by that you mean able to cross the road safely, able to look out for the littler ones and able to come home if anything happens he doesn't feel comfortable with.

doley · 12/05/2011 19:46

My niece was very,very protected ,she is now 17 and has no problems going about her day... sometimes even driving long distances at night !

When it came for her to cross the road on her own(13-14) there were no problems, as at that age she was able (as her brain and general awareness ) were well developed naturally .

I was sent to School 4 miles away (from 11) on public trasport ,I am also in one piece .

So ,I guess ,whatever happens ( and how you choose to do things) your son will be fine .

Hulababy · 12/05/2011 19:56

Only you know the road you live on and the type of child you have.

It is not necessary for an 8y to be allwed to play out on their on out of sight on busy streets. He'll be fine.

My DD has just turned 9y and does play out and has done for the last couple of years (when she was 7y I still looked out regularly). However, we live on a very quiet cul de sac on a very quiet estate. There are several children the same age and younger. They play on scooters, gocarts and bikes, or run around playing. We have an L shaped cul de sac so and we live at one end. If they play the far end I can't see them. This has been fine.

Thi year, actually since the day after she urned 9y coincidently, she has been allowed further afield. If she is with likeminded children she is now allowed to go to the park on our estate. It iinvolves no roads and is just behind the houses. there are exits onto country roads and fieds but not right next to the playground bit. She has also been round to another friend's house to call for her - again with another friend with he. This involved crossing two very quiet estate roads.

However, DD is also a very sensible little girl who I can trust to follow the rules. She can tell the time and wears a watch so she knows what time to be back for. She has proved herself to be so. She always comes back to ask if she can play ins omeone's house or back garden, always asks if she can g to the park, always coes back at the time given - sofar, int he last month and half she hasn't let me down.

It really has done her a world of good. She has made lots of new friends - she doesn't go to the local school, so didn't have school friends here. She plays out far more than she ever did and is using her bike 100% more often than before! And we have got to know more parents too.

But - it depends on where you are and your child.

nethunsreject · 12/05/2011 20:03

It is entirely your call.

I live in a virtually traffic free square where most kids play out from about aged 5. If their own parent can't see them, one of the otheer parents can. We all know each other. Yet there is one family who never let their 2 out. They feel they could easily get carried away. I reckon they know their kids better than the rest of us, so it;s fair enough imo.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 12/05/2011 20:11

Ive gone off you a bit tbh.

Your use of the passive agressive 'some people dont mind their children taking risks (like getting run over)' is annoying, as is your insistance on using 'roaming the streets'.

Did you post for advice/opinions or just to let us all know how much more you care about your kids than we do?

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 12/05/2011 20:13

Well said Mrsdevere

5318008 · 12/05/2011 20:17

yy Mrs DV, I think this was a Boast By Stealth, y'know, I'm a Better Parent Than Yeow

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 12/05/2011 20:20

Bucharest · 12/05/2011 20:22

I agree with Mrsdevere.

How very smug of you OP.

DooinMeCleanin · 12/05/2011 20:25

I am a very bad parent. I let dd1 roam the streets. She makes her own lunch sometimes too and handles hot water.

On the plus side she is a very confident, capable little girl with lots of friends and a good heakly colour in her cheeks.

doley · 12/05/2011 20:34

To be fair to the op I think until,they are allowed to roam a bit ...it feels (until you try it )that you will be will be introducing them to a feral lifetime on the streets .

It is not like that :) they always pop back ,call ~have supper etc ...

As I said, whatever you choose will work out in the end ...but those that play out are also fine

TandB · 12/05/2011 20:49

YABU.

The youngest boarders at my school were 9 and they were allowed to go all over the school campus alone - the school was effectively on two blocks so to get to the tennis courts, gardens etc you had to cross a road, and once there you were out of sight of all the school buildings and close to non-school buildings and access to another road.

No-one thought twice about it.

I was a very protected child but I was allowed to play out from a very young age, albeit in a cul-de-sac, and at about 7 I was allowed to go to a playground out of sight of the house if I was with a friend. By 9 I was allowed to walk along the main road to my friend's house, although my mum used to watch until I had crossed the road.

kbaby · 12/05/2011 20:57

Only you can decide what is best for you.
We live in a fairly quiet street. We live on a long stretch leading to a cul de sac.
My dc started playing out the front garden only from the age of 4 with me watching in the window, from there ive gradually let them move further. Now at 7 and 4 they are allowed on the pavement up to 4 houses up and 4 houses down. It gives them a big enough space to ride bikes on etc but also means if I go and look for them I know where they are. My neighbours comment on how lovely it is to watch them play.

They both know though that should they set foot on the road or go further than allowed they are straight in and grounded.

This works for us, some of their friends have more freedom others less but at the moment this is what I feel comfortable with

megapixels · 12/05/2011 21:14

YANBU. Mine don't "play out" and neither do any of the children on our street actually.

FlamingFannyDrawers · 12/05/2011 21:34

I cant imagine keeping my 8 year old cooped up in the house tbh. We are quite lucky we have an enclosed park right outside our front door so to begin with i let mine play there. Now they 'roam the streets' (2 DC's aged 8 and 10) with their friends having a ball. They have a cheapy mobile phone that i can call them on or they can call me if any problems. There is a busy road 20 feet away but they know how to cross a road. I've even sent them to the local shop for bread, its smashing!!

fifi25 · 12/05/2011 21:44

My 7 and 9 yr old play out every night with a big group of friends. I live on a council estate made up of cul de sacs with one main road. My 3yr old plays out with her friend over the road supervised. Mine have always played out as did i when i was little. It depends on how safe you feel your area is and if your child knows whats safe and what to do in situations. I tell my 2 older daughters do not talk to strangers or go in peoples houses etc. They know bad people exist without frigtening. They all stay together and they are not to leave each other.

corsa100 · 12/05/2011 23:22

Your DC is 8. He has 8 year olds calling for him. Are you being unreasonable to not allow him to go out or are his friends parents unreasonable to allow their DC out to play?

You know the area in which you live. Do you think YABU?

My children play outdoors. The area in which we live allows them to.

DollyTwat · 12/05/2011 23:54

It's so hard to know the right thing to do.

My ds1 is 9 and I have let him have the freedom to play out with the increasing gang if children. So he was allowed to ride his bike but not on the road. But then I caught him racing one of his friends in the road so I said no more bike riding for now.

He was told he had to tell me if he went in someone's house so I knew where he was, again didn't tell me so now not allowed.

Tonight he said he eas going to his friends house round the corner, but when I saw the friend playing outside without him I asked if they'd seen him and they hadn't. So I flapped, I admit it I did flap. Went out in the car to find him and he had gone to a different friends house. I was nearly in tears thinking he'd gone or been snatched.

He constantly breaks the rules and it's very worrying that I can't trust him.

So I do sympathise op and thanks for letting me get all that off my chest!

fishtankneedscleaning · 14/05/2011 11:18

My DC's "roam the streets". They do it every evening after school and at weekends too. They have a wonderful time and have many friends. In fact my 10 year old dd came in last night to ask for money to go to the chippy with her mates.

She managed this successfully - and I even had change [lol] You might find this surprising OP but she did not get run over or snatched by some peado. It was just a normal thing to do.

Most parents find that children actually prefer the company of other children than their parents company (and endless nagging! )

Do you really think your 8 year old is still a baby? Really? My dd hit puberty at 9.

Here comes my 7 year old son. Wet and mucky from playing footie with his mates over the park. Oh well i suppose I had better feed him before he goes back out. I don't want him scavenging in bins and being, well, feral. Whatever would the neighbours say?

burgerandchipswithredsauce · 14/05/2011 11:50

ROFL at an 8 year old being "still a baby".

OP you obviously want other posters to think you are a perfect mother for protecting your ds (overprotecting and paranoid maybe) so why did you start a thread about something you know will not happen until your ds is about 35??

cory · 14/05/2011 12:34

Of course there may well be good reasons why you do not let your ds play out under your particular circumstances.

But if you have concerns over his general trustworthiness and feel the need to see him as a baby, then I think you need to start addressing those issues now, quite regardless of what you decide over the playing in the street. In a few years time he will be going up to secondary, where he will be expected to cope with a certain level of responsibility (bunsen burners, toxic chemicals and field trips by the time he is 11). You can make that transition easier for him by encouraging him to gradually become more independent at a pace you are both comfortable with.

Start with little steps: letting him walk to the post box for you, or to get his own sweets from the nearest shop, making you a hot drink or fixing a simple tea.

Or alternatively, just accept that he will have to do some very quick growing up when he gets to 11.

expatinscotland · 14/05/2011 13:03

Yesterday evening two of the 11-year-olds in this building were outside drinking beer.

So no, I won't be letting my nearly 8-year-old play out here, ever, until we move.

For one, I can't see because we're at the back. It's an L-shaped block of flats with no play area, just a car park. And then a 40 mph road with no lights.

And then there's the small problem of that I really don't want her hanging out with the kids here.

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