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AIBU?

to not let my 8 year old ds play outside

79 replies

GwenTen · 12/05/2011 18:10

We live on a fairly busy street with no cul-de-sacs, quiet bits of park etc. For the last few weeks ever, since one of his classmates (a girl) has been calling round for him to pl;ay, he has been moaning at me to let him play in the street. I have no problem with her coming in to play which she has, but tonight another girl has called round for him and they have been in and out of the house with me following them up and down the street like a mad thing.

I can't understand how mothers can let their kids roam the street without knowing where they are.

AIBU?

OP posts:

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missmyoldname · 12/05/2011 18:31

I would give him a real talking to and lay it on the line.

Explain your reservations and ask him if he feels he can be responsible. Explain the consequences if he lets you down, and start with baby steps.

For example you could let him play in the street for 30 mins to start with, and ask him to come back every 10 minutes to prove he is responsible. Then slowly lengthen the time.

missmyoldname · 12/05/2011 18:33

By the way OP, I know how you feel. My DD is nearly 5 and we live on a fairly quiet through road, but with lots of parked cars. There are a number of children from DDs class who play in the street and I feel sick with worry about the day I will have to let DD do the same. But at some point you have to bite the bullet.

GwenTen · 12/05/2011 18:34

I did not say i did not want to hear other people's opinions, I do, I am very interested in what other people think. Thank you everyone for your advice I will take it on board.

Also, I have to say that no-one in my ds's class walks to school alone and one of his friends who lives a few houses up is also not allowed to play out, neither is one who lives in the next quieter street . As I say it is a very busy cut through road and you do not see any children playing on it anyway. The girls who call for him up live round the corner in another steet.

OP posts:

MumblingRagDoll · 12/05/2011 18:36

I think 8 is too young to walk to school alone...I think it's fine to play within sight of your house at that age....

DooinMeCleanin · 12/05/2011 18:37

Why can't he play around the corner then? They won't be walking to school aone yet but in 1 or 2 years time they will be. A few 9 year olds around here walk there and back alone, but they mainly start going alone in their last year of Primary. No one from secondary is walked to school.

GwenTen · 12/05/2011 18:38

I agree I have told him he can play right in front of the house but he won't stay there so thats why I don't trust him

OP posts:

MumblingRagDoll · 12/05/2011 18:40

Well can you offer to let him play within sight of the house and tell him if he goes away, then he won't be allowed again?

Dooin.....8 is very small still...some 8 year old's are not as streetwise or as grown up as others.

My 7 year old neice is FAR more streetwise than her 9 year old cousin....it reallt varies and the OP knows her own child.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 12/05/2011 18:42

I understand your worries.

Thing is, if you dont let him out he will never have the chance to learn NOT to do the things you worry about.

He will be walking to school on his own soon. I started mine in year six to get them ready for secondary.

Something terrible could happen to him but its very unlikely. We just cant keep our kids close for ever.
Let him out, give him rules and if he breaks them bring him in. Do this until he gets it.

JohnStuartMills · 12/05/2011 18:44

YADNBU in my opinion. My 8yo ds would not be allowed to play on the street. You also mention a busy road!!!! Wouldn't even hang around there supervised. He regularly plays at friends gardens. He is next door as I write. Always a responsible adult nearby. Well except when they are at my house.

madwomanintheattic · 12/05/2011 18:46

he managed to cross a road and didn't get run over, so he seems to be reasonably trustworthy.

why does he have to be in sight? why does he have to be right outside the house? surely it matters not whether he's ten houses up as long as he's within earshot/ sight if you wander out the front and gander about?

were you allowed to play out at 8 gwen? because at 8 i was roaming cornfields and building dens, or playing up the road on my rollerskates.

i'd recommend 'last child in the woods' as reading material.

GwenTen · 12/05/2011 18:47

Thanks John, its nice to see someone feels the same as me.

OP posts:

travellingwilbury · 12/05/2011 18:47

I do understand your worries , but maybe one of the reasons he is "getting giddy" is because he has such limited freedom . It is hard as well is noone else on the street let their children out to play . But you might find once he can go out and behaves ok then other parents may do the same .

MumblingRagDoll · 12/05/2011 18:48

Well...who knows...the OPs son may well have to catch a bus to seconary...not everyone is within walking distance...many are driven too.

I allow my 6 year old DD out in front of our house because it is a quiet cul de sac....I keep an eye out. BUt on a busy road no way!

At 8 he should be able to understand the consequences of disobeying you.

squeakytoy · 12/05/2011 19:02

Madwoman :) that sounds like me too. Even though we lived on a busy main road, there were fields at the back, and across the road in the next side street was a small recreational area (you couldnt call it a park, it was a patch of wasteland really!).

Considering how cheap a PAYG mobile phone is now, I would arm a 9yr old with one of those in a zipped pocket and let them play, obviously with some boundaries, but I wouldnt force them to just be outside their own house.

A child is likely to be safer playing with friends than hanging around outside on their own.

I8toys · 12/05/2011 19:05

My son is 7, 8 in August and I do not let him out to roam the streets.

Just tested him on his address, he got the street right and house number wrong and no clue about telephone number.

Some kids are just forgetful and more sensitive, less streetwise. My other son is 5 and as hard as nails - would let him out before his brother.

Every child is an individual - what's right for one not automaticaly right for all. I favour safety and piece of mind over independence any day. Plenty of time for that.

GwenTen · 12/05/2011 19:12

I8 you have hit the nail on the head. I just could not imagine my ds roaming the streets. Other kids of his age, I could because they seem more streetwise. I think you have to go with your instincts. I would never want to be saying "if only" if something terrible happened to him. Every child is different. 8, to me is still a baby almost.

OP posts:

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 12/05/2011 19:16

My friend was like the OP with her DD. She kept saying she was a ditz and couldn't be trusted out alone etc etc . Well surprise surprise tis a self fulfilling prophecyand she is now in her teens and is quite frankly a danger to herself. She has to get herself to and from places independently and really struggles. My friend didn't want to let her go and almost fostered her DD's incompetence. Our job as parents is teeny bit by teeny bit to develop skills that will make our DC's into adults who can function safely and independently.
OP you've obviously made up your mind but one day you will have to let him go. Will he have the necessary life skills that he will need to be independent.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 12/05/2011 19:16

Oh and the phrase "roaming the streets" sounds very judgey pants

FoxyRevenger · 12/05/2011 19:20

"8, to me, is still a baby almost."

But, OP, it isn't.

It's very easy for others to say when it's not their own children, but really, he needs to get out of the house!! You wouldn't keep an animal cooped up indoors all the time...

GwenTen · 12/05/2011 19:23

Think we have to beg to differ. Some people don't mind their children taking risks, i.e getting run over (as I saw nearly happened to a child on our street the other day) or the possibiliy, however remote, of being taken off by someone. I don't want to take the risk yet. He has a big garden with lots of things in it and lots of friends round to play (as he has at the moment, actually better get him in).

I did not play outside when I was 8 but I am a responsible adult who can function adequately.

I will let him go, but when my instincts tell me I should.

OP posts:

GwenTen · 12/05/2011 19:24

Foxy, Yes I should and would love to let him out but if you saw our road at 5.00 in evening you may think again.

OP posts:

I8toys · 12/05/2011 19:25

Sorry maybe roaming was the wrong word. It wasn't meant in a judgey way and I am envious that people feel confident to let their children go,.

And I agree that you do have to let them go - it is a hard decision to make but the thought of you could have prevented something happening, god forbid it does, is one that sticks with me most. Think would rather have clingy child than no child - bit dramatic I know.

Most of my son's friends are already 8, him being the youngest in his class and they seem a lot more streetwise and grown up. He is quite naive and I adore him for it - does not have that hard edge that children seem to get earlier these days. Christ - I sound old!

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hobnobsaremyfavourite · 12/05/2011 19:25

Then WTF did you start this thread for??????????????

FoxyRevenger · 12/05/2011 19:26

Not sure why you asked then....

expatinscotland · 12/05/2011 19:26

People here are obsessed with this whole 'playing out', OP. You should have known that before posting this thread.

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