aibu to ask how often you have sex?

[cannydoit]

if you are married or in a long term relationship. my BF was in a 10 yr marriage were they only had sex twice a year if he was lucky unless she wanted a baby. he says this is quite common he said it was mostly down to her, but takes some of the blame in the end because he just got fed up of being turned down.
i find this to be an alien concept. was married for 10 yrs myself we had sex on average twice a week until things got bad. any info, insight? my bf seems to think its the norm for women to with hold sex i wish to prove him wrong lol.

[MichaelaS]

OMG Dandy! Wonder if the journalist thinks it would be better for them as a couple to keep an illegal immigrant as a house slave if they can't agree on who should do the ironing/hoovering/washing up. Obviously the answer is to contract out the bits of your marriage that don't work brilliantly to people who are (usually) not freely choosing to offer the "service". Or maybe we should "be more understanding" of those poor sex traffickers and impoverished drug addicts.

[cannydoit]

jesus me too angry think i will just break my vagina in my 40s lol.

[slightlyunbalanced]

We do it about 5 times a day (although he is in the forces so we have long enforced absences) .

Our record is 12 times in one day (kids were away) .

[confuddledDOTcom]

OH had a similar relationship with his ex, they weren't together for ten years though, I think 3 or 4 and had two children together - let's just say he has a pretty good success rate.

When we got together it was 3 times a day! When we woke up; he'd run back from work at lunch (he worked on the same road); and at night. We cut back when we was TTC and never ended up going back to that level as we caught straight away. Normally probably a couple of times a week minimum but he's been away for the last six months and I saw him alternate fortnights, if one of us wasn't in the mood that obviously meant going from once a fortnight to once a month. He's been back two weeks but I'm 31 weeks pregnant and expected to have the baby soon and having regular contractions so he's a little put off (the cheek!)

[Malificence]

How do you have sex 12 times in one day?
I prefer quality over quantity.

[LoopyLiz88]

It depends on the day for us. Sometimes its a few times a day but at times we can do without it for weeks.

[henwoman]

Jumps in, ahem. We're both mid 40s and 'older' parents. We have 10yr old and 5yr old. I'm fully responsible for house, school run, etc and work part-time 4 days a week. My dh has same appetite for sex as always (18yr together). Unfortunately, after our ds was born which coincided with moving house and family bereavement, I was so exhausted that I lost my libido. It's not come back yet. I've spoken to GP, but don't want HRT. So age/menopause may have some influence. We probably have sex twice a month and less if I'm stressed. I have to initiate as he's too hurt from previous rejection, yet he says he doesn't want me to do it if I don't want to. Catch22. We went 2 months without last year, which is not good. :(

[glassofwhiteanybody]

Withholding sex is wrong, as that's a sign of controlling behaviour. It's possible she just went off it if their relationship was deteriorating, (which isn't a bad reflection on him)

For us ......... I get more than a nun, less than Jordan. Sadly, it happens quite rarely. Usually we're both too tired, or go to bed at different times. We've spoken about it and we're happy there is no problem between us, and we're hoping to get back in the habit once DC older.

[AgentZigzag]

hahaha malificence

So true.

[AgentZigzag]

Just pondering on the mechanics of 12 times in one day, as you do is that even physically possible, taking the definition of doing it is him having an orgasm?

[slightlyunbalanced]

Course it is

[CareyFakes]

I haven't had sex since the night DD was concieved, October 2007, but that's because I'm a lone parent...tonight that will be a distant memory for sex is coming back and it's coming back with avengence oh yes.

In my past relationships we would generally have sex 2-3 times a week on average.

[jeckadeck]

twice a year doesn't sound particularly healthy to me, although if both partners are happy with it anything goes. I know of couples were sex is virtually non-existent who claim to be happy, and although I'm slightly skeptical, I think its horses for courses. The problems come when one partner has greatly different expectations from another. I don't think its normal for a woman to "withhold sex" and I think any man who thinks that has had a problematic relationship with women in the past.

[cannydoit]

careys gonna get laid, careys gonna get laid

[bumpertobumper]

Thanks Watertight, good to hear. currently in the 2 little ones, baby waking all night sex desert. But, have just moved the cot out of our bedroom so hopefully things will improve...

[blindmelon]

oh god this thread has depressed me. I can count the number of times since DD2 (10 months) was born on one hand. And not even using all the fingers...

With us it's more down to exhaustion/work stress than anything else, so Watertight your post has given me a small glimmer of hope!

[glassofwhiteanybody]

blindmelon- try not to worry, I suspect there are loads of people out there who are happy together but not swinging from the chandeliers. That's what I tell myself anyway

[shouldnotbehere]

2 or 3 times a week, sometimes once a week if we are both working long hours.

We did go about two months without sex once, as I just seemed to have continuous thrush, and then once that had cleared I had cystitis.

[Watertight]

bumpertobumper and blindmelon

Good. I'm really pleased.

The baby and toddler days can feel intense and overwhelming and I personally found the exhaustion relentless. People can't wait to tell you how trying teenagers are (see other threads) but my own experience is that teeny-tinies are the hardest by a long way (or I've been lucky so far... touches wood!)

I think that some of the most important things, during these years (if sex has dwindled) are kindness, courtesy and a bloody good shared sense of humour.

Wish you both well.

[fuggles1]

I have a really low sex drive and dp is the opposite end of the scale... On average we do some sexual activity at least twice a week (dp would prefer everyday) I could go without for weeks but it happened once and caused all sorts of arguments...

trying to juggle work and a toddler and a house doesn't help one bit :(

[hairylights]

I don't like the use of the word 'withold' here either. It kind of implies that it's some sort of 'right' which is a very antiquated idea.

I didn't have sex a lot with my ex - because he was unattractive, lazy and mean - and I didn't fancy him, but I wasn't 'witholding' it. I just didn't want it. I woiuld 'give in' now and again, sometimes it would be months.

My ex also behaved as if I was 'witholding' something that was his right... and if I were you I'd be questioning your partner about his very odd beliefs!

[DingDongMerrilyOutOfSeason]

Why did he marry her if he was displeased with her sex drive? It was between the two of them and I hate the assumption that she witheld sex as some kind of weapon, maybe she just didn't have a high sex drive or want much sex with him

She could be complaining about the same problem to abother partner right now...

[TidyDancer]

I have quite a high sex drive, as does DP. Having a small baby right now (as well as a school age DS) does sort of slow things down though! All things being 'normal' with us, it would probably be a minimum of three times a week. Sometimes as much as every day.

[MavisEnderby]

Not for ages:( Another shitty part of being widowed.(poor little me emoticon,lol)

[BakeliteBelle]

Is this the 'please boast about how many times a week you have sex' thread?