to be upset by what the paediatrician said?

[frakyouveryverymuch]

I took DS (3 weeks) to the paediatrician today because I suspect he has silent reflux. I know I'm not a doctor but I also know his levels of distress aren't normal for babies and he's got most reflux symptoms bar the projectile vomiting.

Apparently because he is gaining weight he can't have reflux. TBH I'm sceptical about that because I think he's sucking for comfort, and therefore getting milk, because he's refusing a dummy - but why would he have silicone when he can have a mummy-dummy! When I said we'd tried a dummy (against my preferences but if it helps, it helps) and that he was feeding frequently but only taking small amounts she told me that I'm causing his reflux by 'giving in' to frequent feeds, I have to wait at least 2,5 hours between feeds and 'if he cries, he cries', and I have to make him get used to a dummy.

Now I'm not one to whip out a boob when DS squeaks. I check to seee whether he's hot/cold/needs changing/etc unless it's been ages since the last feed and he can go up to 4 hours at night without waking for a feed but during the afternoon evening he can cluster feed for ages and daytime feeds are more like every 2 hours.

She might have a point but AIBU to be upset by the way she said it? Please be honest because if I am BU or oversensitive we'll keep her as our paed - she comes recommended by friends (who have quite different parenting styles admittedly) - but if I'm not I want to find a new one before DS's next scheduleed checkup.

Personally, I would ignore everything she told you, she sounds like a lunatic. Let your son feed as and when - if he has reflux, tiny feeds when he wants them rather than big feeds every 2.5hrs is surely more sensible. Can you see a different paediatrician?

My son also has silent reflux and it took 10 months before he was diagnosed. 10 miserable, scream-filled months which had a massive effect on bonding and the happiness of our family. Get a second opinion. It is perfectly possible for babies to have reflux and still put on weight. My son put on weight beautifully, mainly because he comfort fed constantly but he was miserable and in considerable pain.

I hope you get things sorted soon, it's awful seeing your baby in pain x

And no, you're not being U in the slightest.

she sounds a bit old school.of course babies with reflux gain weight.there are many babies that suffered reflux and the parents didnt realise and they are perfectly healthy.

one thing i did find that helped was when you are putting the baby down for a sleep raise his head slightly by putting a folded baby blanket under the mattress.
hope it eases soon for you.

My girlfriend found it very beneficial to talk to the GP on the phone whilst her DD was screaming with reflux, that brought about a very rapid paeds appointment.
Prior to that she was dismissed as a first time mum overreacting, once they heard the noise they understood.

Trust your instincts. You are with him all day, everyday. I would get a second opinion.

Get a second opinion.

Alternatively, do like I did.

Pitch up to the doctor's with screaming baby, and tell him "I know where you live and if you don't refer me to a paed today I'm bringing her round tonight at 11pm and you can have the pleasure of her company"

DD had reflux that was not diagnosed until I paid for her to see a spcialist at 16 weeks. I was told exactly the same thing about weight gain and reflux everytime I took her to the HV or GP. Babies with reflux can gain weight. Stick to what your instinct is telling you.

I'm 99% sure my little one had silent reflux but we never did manage to get it confirmed. Similarly dismissive GP who just didn't believe me.

Based purely on my own experience though, I found the dummy DID help. We were formula feeding which does make a difference I know, but I found that my DD could only drink for maybe two or three swallows before she would be getting sore from the reflux. If we just stopped, she would scream (because she was still hungry and in pain). The dummy was comforting - feeds generally consisted of rapid action switching bottle/dummy/bottle/dummy - sounds absolutely nuts but it worked really well and meant we began to be able to get a proper sized feed in to her relatively quickly. We'd literally give her the dummy for long enough for her to calm down, then switch back. There is evidence that sucking on the dummy increases saliva production which in turn helps to neutralise the stomach acid though.

However if a reflux baby is hungry they're hungry, I would never have refused her milk if she wanted it.

Try Dr Eltumi at The Portland if you can. Keep a diary of symptoms for a few days before you see him and record a feed if you can, he's a paed gastro. DS 13m still has silent reflux and we find Eltumi very good. Good luck and trust your instinct, keep going until you are satisfied somebody has really listened and tried to diagnose properly. DS was 91st centile from birth so if we had listened to the weight gain argument, he would still be in a lot of unnecessary pain.

DD2 had this, the first 8 months of her life were probably the worst 8 months of my life

YANBU poor weight gain is not an essential marker of silent reflux.

I cried at the doctors surgery and virtually screamed down the phone at the receptionist at our local hospital's rapid access paediatric clinic when she told me it was a 3 month wait for an appt (I remember saying something along the lines of "That is like telling a 60 year old man he has to wait 30 years for an appointment").

Do be persistent and get a second opinion.

Very quick reply.... one of the reasons babies with Reflux dont put on weight is because they are constantly vomited their frigging feeds. I had trouble with making paeds realise this, as they were convinced my breastfeeding was at fault and supplimenting/changing to formula would help him put on weight.

If your baby has silent Reflux ie all the other horrible distressing symptons but not vomiting then they will still have weight gain, Its funny how it took the consultant Paed to understand this (and explain to his minnions) and I finally found someone who didnt berate me for DS's lack of weight gain

DS had reflux was 9.9lbs at birth and was a huge monkey... He consistently put on weight but was constantly being sick and crying it was awful.

Have to say a dummy really did help calm him, the sucking seemed to help him... am not a dummy lover at all but it made a huge difference to him.

Sorry just re read your post and realised he's only 3 weeks, feeding little and often and cluster feeding in evening is typical of any new born baby. Why do you think he has reflux?

How dare a person who is supposedly trained in the diagnosis and treatment of children's illness spout such crap. Do whatever it takes to get a second referral. And I would complain bigtime to the hospital manager. Where is the medical basis for leaving a newborn baby to cry with hunger? He's 3 weeks old FGS. This woman has no clue about infant feeding and I would disregard her opinion. Yes, I know every baby is different and every mother has different amounts of milk storage capacity but at this age, mine were almost permanently on the breast and I would have been worried if they weren't.

I just hate it when people justify treating babies cruelly - presumably because they have no voice other than to cry.

My DS1 had silent reflux. He was fine sleeping upright in a sling, put on weight beautifully but wouldn't sleep laying down. He'd wake up screaming. It took us months to realise and we only did cos another mum saw him feeding and said"he's got reflux". He was throwing his head back and arching his back. Our doc agreed to prescribe infant gavascon to see if it helped, which it did and he was then diagnosed! If your doc won't give it to you I think you can buy infant gavascon over the counter in the chemist without a prescription.

My GP
My HV
My DH
My Mother
The Crainial Osteopath
A midwife friiend

All told me DD didn't have refulx.
She did.

In the end I ignored everyone and took her to see a paediatrician @ chelsea and westminster who diagnosed her the same day with moderate to severe reflux. She went straight on to Dom Peridrone and something else I can't remember the name of and became a diifferent child.

FWIW our symptons were:

Constantly wanting to feed (the milk sooths the acid in teh throat)
Hating lying flat - even propped up wasn't great. Wanted to be held upright all the time
Hiccups
Constant crying

Good luck. I sympathise

YANBU. Ignore her and continue to feed on demand.

But, as you say, she might be right and it might not be reflux. I would go to a BF counsellor and get their opinion on latch, burping, position after feeds etc. If none of that gives you improvement, get a second opinion.

Yes cluster feeding is typical of newborns but OP also said

I know I'm not a doctor but I also know his levels of distress aren't normal for babies and he's got most reflux symptoms bar the projectile vomiting.

Sorry, meant to highlight in my post that my DD wasn't vomiting.

I'm not an expert on reflux, but I do remember reading on a bf website that if your baby feeds very little and often, then he is getting the thinner less nutritious foremilk but not the richer hindmilk which only comes later in each feed. In which case the poo is likely to be green. Have I got that right? Maybe re-post this on the 'feeding' topic and someone like Tiktok will be able to advise. There might be other reasons why he is having difficulty feeding properly, other than reflux, and this might in turn lead to distress.

Yes, what would paediatrician with years of medical experience and intensive training know, far better to dismiss them entirely and ask people on MN instead

My ds2 had reflux. He did vomit - a lot! But he also gained weight steadily. My GP said to me that the way they determin if a baby has reflux is to put a mini camera down their throats to look whilst they are awake, this in itself can be really distressing to a baby.

The GP said that the more humane way to determin reflux was to give the baby reflux medicine (in my ds2 case is was baby gaviscon, which you can buy over the counter, but you have to ask for it).

I did not breast feed so I put the gaviscon in a bottle and fed him it. The GP said if the medicine makes the baby better (not cured just better) then the baby has reflux.

My ds2 did not throw up as much and the screaming pain was a lot less with the medicine. However, when he did throw up it was horrible, like cottage cheese.

When he was 18 months I threw the carpet out as no matter how much I scrubbed it the carpet just couldn't get clean. Vile.

Just annoys me that people dismiss medical professionals so often on here, like they justvp read a couple of outdated books and qualify