to think that ds is just being a typical 5 year old boy?

[bouncingblueberries]

dh and I keep having heated discussions about this. He reckons I'll still be making excuses for ds when he's 40, jobless, penniless and has no future

So please, tell me if I'm wrong but I really, truly believe all (ok most) 5 year old boys are like my ds in that they:

• have loads of energy
• get overexcited. Lots.
• like to 'kill' stuff (usually teddies, we've not progressed to slugs/snails...yet)
• rarely focus on one activity for more than 10 minutes (sometimes 5)
• get distracted easily
• having selective hearing
• have discovered how fun it is to be cheeky and talk back
• run everywhere
• do everything at 60 mph

dh seriously thinks ds is verging on some sort of behavioural issue. It doesn't help that ds has decided he hates school this week (but I think that has more to do with me going back to work after maternity leave - see, more excuses as dh would say!)

Is ds an average 5 year old boy? Or aibu?

Sounds like an average five year old to me.

Average child I would say.

Sounds normal to me for a lot of 5 year old girls and boys

Pretty normal.

Do you have a supportive MIL as I bet your son is just like your DH at the same age?

Sounds fairly bog standard, maybe not every 5 year old but certainly the boisterous ones, I think behavioural issues are a bit "more" than just that.

I have two boys aged 21 & 20.......sounds very normal!!

I wonder how your dh will cope in 8-9 years when ds can't get up and does everything at snails pace .

It sounds usual enough although not all children are like that.

I guess though my question would be about intensity.
You could describe 2 children in the terms that you have and one would be doing what children do. But if you add in a refusal every to reps obd to instruction, or a high level of aggression, or inattention that is so complete that it is impossible to have any kind of conversation then that would be different.

I only say this as someone who ended up surrounded by people who wanted to say...no no , everything is fine.

Why do you think your dh is raising this? It is not unusual for one partner to be exasperated with a dc, but I would think unusual for one to start talking about behavioural problems.

Phew! Thank goodness!

to a supportive mil. She claims dh was potty trained at 1, reading at 4 and sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. Also get the impression that dh was a quiet, placid boy growing up, only interested in aeroplanes and books. Always did as he was told, never answered back etc (or he got a hot backside )

School have highlighted his inability to focus on one particular task but I've always dismissed it. He's only in reception and they get free choice over activities. Most 5 year old boys would prefer to play with the lego bricks over 'writing' stories I reckon!

Sounds like dss2 who's about as bog standard as a 5 year old boy gets!

Sounds normal to me.

If you are worried, and if only to stop arguments at home, I would go to school and ask them whether they think your son has any issues.

normal apart from maybe the killing stuff? IMHO

Ok.
I am going to go against the grain slightly.

As you now say the school have mentioned difficulties re focus and your dh is articulating concerns, you should think about this.

My starting point would be to listen to dh. Is he bitching about noise/mess etc or is he really, genuinely concerned.

And I would talk to the school. Are they being lazy and stupid, expecting a 5 year old to be bidable. Or are the carefully articulating concerns.

But that is against the weight of opinion on here, so feel free to ignore me

Good advice from Pagwatch.

Why do you dismiss the school's opinion?

Can he only concentrate on one thing for 5 - 10 minutes?

Not normal for mine, but VERY normal for the other 15 in his class :o

pag he really only gets aggressive when he's tired and I admit sometimes I do get worried. I don't want to dismiss dh's concerns. ds can be a sweet, gentle loving 5 year old boy but there does seem to be a bit of personality clash between them. Which is weird, because I think ds is exactly like me

We are both a bit exasperated with ds but I seem to be able to rationalise his behaviour a bit more (it's just a phase, this too shall pass etc )

I would be very cautious about dismissing any concern from they school. Now they do know what is normal and if they feel it is significant enough to mention it then you should be taking notice IMO.

Thank you pag. I think I just found it a bit strange that in reception they're given such a free choice but that his teacher expected him to be more focused and only choose 1 activity. But when he arrives in the classroom in the morning I can see he's so excited about all the different options he just doesn't know what to do first. If we still lived in Scotland ds wouldn't be in school yet.

You're right though, I do need to take dh's concerns seriously. Although often, in my opinion, he just grousing about mess/noise because he knows he'll be the one to have to tidy it up (slight ocd tendencies my dh [gein]).

But give ds a pile of books or a story cd and he'll sit for ages. He'll happily sit though chapter after chapter of George's Marvellous medicine or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

How is he when you do something at home then? If you were to say, "C'mon, let's go and play with your lego" or set it out for him to play alone.

Would he play for longer than a couple of minutes? Does he play longer when you sit with him?

but what can we do to help him 'focus'?

Bouncingbluberries.

I understand. The worst feeling in the world is the worries about a child. And when you layer on top our complicated family relationships it can become hard. It feels like betrayal

I get the personality clash thing too. When dh and ds1 don't get on it is about things where they are the not alike

Are the school any good? Could you talk to them?
It could be that they could work with you to find strategies to avoid the tired=aggression or more out of control stuff.

Talking about dealing with some behaviours isn't the same thing as a child having behavioural problems iyswim

We had to work with the school to help my dd stop calling out in class all the time and being nosy and bossy interested in other girls work

Would they help do you think? Or would they be officious about it?

XP, you have answered my questions.

Have you had comments from anyone else?

As to the tidy aspect - my DH likes the place to be tidy and used to get frustrated when the place was messy. He has gotten more lenient, and the children have learned to be tidier. We have declared the living room a mess free zone - their bedrooms can be a bit messy but we want to relax in the living room.