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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish DP wouldn't keep on at me about owing him money?

81 replies

atomic1981 · 12/05/2011 07:42

We live seperately so finances are completely seperate. At the moment I am not working, he works full time. A few weeks ago he text me and asked me what size shoe I am, I told him so he text back saying "Ok, found some great walking boots for you, I'm buying you them". I thought "How sweet" until later he reminded me that I owed him the money for the boots.

He then asked me if I wanted to go and see two gigs. I agreed originally but it turns out I can't make the first one. He's already bought the tickets so I asked him to ask around and see if anyone else will go with him to save me paying for a ticket I can't use. He said he would but he's asked nobody and keeps reminding me that I owe him for the ticket.

And then he asked me IF i wanted to go and see a "big" band in November. I said yes but not to book the tickets until a) I had the money and b) I knew I could definately make it so he started nagging at me, saying they'd sell out etc I eventually caved and told him to buy the tickets so now I owe him £20 for that.

I'm sick of constantly owing him money, he doesn't seem to care that I'm struggling.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Animation · 12/05/2011 07:48

Is he keeping on at you about you owing him money for these things?

Also, I don't understand your set up. Are you seperated but on friendly terms?

squeakytoy · 12/05/2011 07:49

Why are you with him? He sounds a real tightarse. Confused

CareyFakes · 12/05/2011 07:51

Why are you with him exactly?

YABU in terms of caving to his suggestions, just say the truth and that you are struggling and that you have to prioritise your finances.

Also, on the boots, I'd tell him that you were not aware that you were required to pay for the boots and that you wouldn't have bought them.

Original poster
atomic1981 · 12/05/2011 07:51

We're seperated but "together" iyswim? we live seperately but are actually together.

OP posts:
pink4ever · 12/05/2011 07:53

Benefits scam?Hmm.Tell him you wont be going to the gig as simply cant afford it.Then dump him.

AnyF · 12/05/2011 07:55

what the fuck is wrong with him ?

FabbyChic · 12/05/2011 07:55

Tell him that you cannot afford the gigs so he should sell the tickets on or find someone else to go with. When he next talks to you about a gig tell him you cannot afford it.

To be honest he should be paying for your tickets not you.

Re the boots, get the receipt and take them back or give him them to take them back.

Next time he makes a suggestion about something tell you no I cannot afford it you know my financial circumstances.

Melty · 12/05/2011 07:56

Pink, not everyone lives with their partner.
And by the sounds of it OP you shouldnt let this one move in.

AnyF · 12/05/2011 07:56

does he have a shopping/online buying compulsion at your expense?...he sounds like a dick

CurrySpice · 12/05/2011 07:57

He sounds charming!! Is he really skint?

PiousPrat · 12/05/2011 07:58

How is it a benefits scam if they live separately and have entirely separate finances Pink4eva ? I live apart from my DP as it is a long distance relationship and we have separate finances but are still very much together. I claim benefits and informed the DWP of the situation with the Mr and they didn't care as it isn't classed as living together. Do get off your high horse and stop making assumptions. You must have a terribly miserable life if you automatically assume the worst of people.

Punkatheart · 12/05/2011 07:59

Mean traits in a man are really unpleasant and not a great indication of how life might be with him in the future. Attitudes to money are really important - maybe you need to sit down and talk about it....

BornAgainBitch · 12/05/2011 08:00

Complete and utter tightwad. I am sorry, but I could not date a man who was this mean.

ZZZenAgain · 12/05/2011 08:00

If you have some kind of agreement whereby each of you pays his/her own way on nights out, I suppose you need to put your foot down and say you canot afford any tickets for a while.

I should have thought the boots were a gift if he put it the way you say in your OP and therefore I wouldn't have expected to pay for those. It is a bit messyi n that your finances are separate and yet he is making spending decisions for you as if your money were joint and then expecting you to pay for them. I think you need to be a clearer with him on how you see things.

JeelyPiece · 12/05/2011 08:00

pink4ever why on earth are you accusing the OP of running a benefits scam because she doesn't live with her boyfriend? Do you always move in with someone as soon as you start going out with them?

YANBU OP he sounds tight. What does he say when you point out he said he was getting you the boots? And can't you try to sell on the gig ticket yourself?

chicletteeth · 12/05/2011 08:00

He's a tight bastard quite frankly.
If my husband did that, he'd quite a right earful.

What's wrong with the guy?

And how old is he? (out of curiousity)

I don't live with my husband pink and I can assure you we're not claiming any benefits

chicletteeth · 12/05/2011 08:00

he's quite rightly get an earful

Sorry, no coffee yet

ginmakesitallok · 12/05/2011 08:01

why would it be a benefits scam????Confused Not at partners live together??

ChippedChinaTeaCup · 12/05/2011 08:02

From what you say here, and in your other thread on relationships.. I think the only conclusion you can draw realistically is that it's time to let him go.

He sounds horrid!

MumblingRagDoll · 12/05/2011 08:05

I think it sounds bad OP....a partner should not ask for things back like that when he decided to get you them. WHy are you with him? I would have been shocked about the boot thing.

GooGooMuck · 12/05/2011 08:05

Is he DP or just a boyfriend?

There is a difference between going out with someone ( you should pay your way IMO) and being in a partnership (supporting/ being supported as necessary)

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 12/05/2011 08:06

Why have you not told him exactly how you feel? If you can't talk to someone - should you be sleeping with them?

MumblingRagDoll · 12/05/2011 08:07

Not really GooGoo.....a DP is the same as a BF if you're not living together....they are both close relationships.....and it seems odd to think of a BF as different to a DP....

Punkatheart · 12/05/2011 08:10

I once had a boyfriend who lived out in Germany. When he moved, he made me collect all the loose change, sort it and take it to the bank. When he rarely went shopping, he broke out in a sweat opening his wallet. It was pathological. He came from a rich family - no idea why he was like that. My biggest triumph was that I still owe him £10.

AlpinePony · 12/05/2011 08:15

Holy Crap. I've heard about boyfriends/husbands like that who then turn around and say "Well in 1997 you had 14 hobnobs and I only had 5 so you need to pay 72% of the biscuits". Shock

To the kerb sweetheart, this won't end well!

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