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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish that schools wouldn't reward children for things they have no control over

286 replies

dealer · 11/05/2011 21:27

Attendance, they give out certificates for 100% attendance each half term. Ds would occasionally have a day off for illness, dd1 hasn't had a day off since reception, she's in year 4. Ds wasn't assed, dd1 has mild sn and despite the fact that I tell her that she's really lucky to be so healthy, loves getting up in assembly for the certificates and feels it's an achievement.

They've now changed it, since it wasn't 'fair' and you will now only get a certificate for most improved attendance. Dd1 wants to know how to get one of these. Not sure how you improve on 5 years 100%.

And I hate it when they award class attendance, so the poor kid who has genuine health problems or parents who aren't very good at getting them there, get highlighted as bringing the class percentage down.

Walk to school week soon. We used to walk to school all the time when I was a sahm because we live 10 mins from the school. Now though, I work as a delivery driver so it's somewhat essential to take my vehicle with me. I need to drop dd2 at nursery 4 miles away 10 minutes later now as well, since the school nursery had no room for her.

Dd2 will be in school in September, so I could in theory walk them then and then go back for the van. But that would utterly pointless since I would then drive the van straight past the school again, same polution etc, and waste 20 mins work time.

Doesn't stop dd1 waving 'walk to school' leaflets at me, and telling me she needs to earn stickers though. Pointing out great facts such as car occupants are exposed to 3 times as much pollution on the school run as walkers. Don't really understand that since they're only in the car for 2 mins.

They usually walk home, but apparently that doesn't count.

Anyway it's all arbitrary stuff that kids are supposed to be motivated to do that they can't do anything about.

OP posts:
Ormirian · 12/05/2011 20:14

"but some will be open to negotiation by a child who says they really do want to go to school even though the parent doesn't feel like taking them that day - a motivated child can get themselves into school despite a generally crap parent."

Yes dilys. I wonder if some MNers inhabit a world where all parents are pro-education, motivated and involved. Because that really isn't the case.

claretandcheese · 12/05/2011 20:19

Oh do we really need stupid attendance awards to teach kids that life is unfair!!!! Surely not? Surely they learn that soon enough?

Especially if they have long term illness or disability. What rubbish!

pickyourbrain · 12/05/2011 20:19

Well exactly.

tethersend · 12/05/2011 20:21

Pickyourbrains, I assume that you're teaching your DD how unfair life is by ensuring that she lives alone, buys and cooks her own food, does her own washing, and pays rent and bills?

After all, that's what life is like- why shield her from it?

claretandcheese · 12/05/2011 20:22

And do we need attendance awards to teach parents that attendance is important? The only ones who would disagree with this (ie attendance is important ) will not give a stuff about them!

pickyourbrain · 12/05/2011 20:23

Err no... I teach her about life in a age appropriate manner, not a negligent one.

pickyourbrain · 12/05/2011 20:23

She does actually do her own washing... has done from 4.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 12/05/2011 20:25

I hate these threads with all the 'well life is unfair innit' type posts.

Yes it IS and the thing is it is more unfair to some than most. It is made more unfair by stupid fecking 'wellness competitions'.
I think my DD had quite enough unfairness in her life by getting fucking cancer without having to suck it up and lose out further because of some stupid governement target.
I think my DS has suffered enough unfairness in his short life to excuse him from being descriminated against by an ill thought out, league table arse licking policy.

My DS now goes to an excellent SN school where they dont bother with prizes for children who are lucky enough not to get sick or have parents to stupid to keep them off school when they are infectious. They reward real achievements. In a school that works with children with complex needs, ASD, life limiting conditions and moderate/severe LD these actually mean something.

Attendance prizes? Pffft.

pickyourbrain · 12/05/2011 20:28

Ha I just LOVE deliberately obtuse questioning.. what is the purpose of it? It never happens in real life, only seemingly on MN. Like "I'm so clever I'm going to astound you with my wit and pose something that will make you question the very fibre of your belief system, you fool" Accompanied no doubt with a self satisfied head wobble.

Original poster
dealer · 12/05/2011 20:32

It's not about complaining 'it's not faaaaaiiiiirrr!!',
it's about wanting the schools to use reward schemes to assist my child to learn.
Using them in a pathetic way means the kids can't distinguish and either think attendance awards are great and to be boasted about, or don't value the ones that are of value.

OP posts:
thefirstMrsDeVere · 12/05/2011 20:32

You send your child to school when she is ill?

springpiece · 12/05/2011 20:34

Pickyourbrain - Are you actually suggesting that schools should deliberately come up with a reward system that is unfair to teach kids a lesson??? Wtf! Should they also deliberately mark tests as an E when it should be an A to teach them that sometimes people make mistakes?

kaumana · 12/05/2011 20:36

Pickyourbrain - yawn, you've had your fun..

pickyourbrain · 12/05/2011 20:44

What kaumana?

I dont think that the system is to teach kids that life is unfair... it's to encourage attendance (obviously) but people are saying they object to it because it's not fair. I'm just making the point that life isnt fair. I'm very competitive and I'm not ashamed of it. My DD is the same, she is very driven. But at her school they dont give reward for attendence, or sports acheivement because it wouldnt be fair on the kids who can't compete or who are sick a lot. That to me is completely the opposite of what happens in the real world.

tethersend · 12/05/2011 20:45

I am astounded that anyone thinks that children with very poor attendance (who this scheme is supposed to target) are missing school to have nice days out with their parents.

Primary aged children, on the whole, love going to school. If you look for example at the attendance of children recently taken into care, there is very often a huge improvement once they are living with a foster carer. Have they suddenly become more committed and pulled their socks up? No. They are simply living with an adult who takes them to school. It's that simple.

Incidentally, these children quite often suffer from behavioural problems which mean they receive precious few rewards. Missing out on rewards for parental actions only serves to compound their disengagement from education.

But hey, life's not fair Hmm

Original poster
dealer · 12/05/2011 20:45

No, MrsDevere, why does it sound like that?

OP posts:
pickyourbrain · 12/05/2011 20:46

thefirstmrsdevere Obviously i dont send her if she has D&V obviously but couchs and colds, the mystical 'tummy ache' that disappears once their with their friends, tiredness etc yes she blimmin well gets on with it!

confuddledDOTcom · 12/05/2011 20:48

dealer she was talking to pickyourbrain.

tethersend · 12/05/2011 20:51

pickyourbrain, I can understand your frustration at your DD not being rewarded for her achievements- FWIW, I think the school is wrong not to reward her sporting achievements, but I think that that is a separate issue.

Children should be rewarded for their own achievements, not someone else's. This is what is unfair about attendance awards, not the fact that not everybody gets one. Any reward system would not be effective if everybody got one!

kaumana · 12/05/2011 20:54

pickyourbrain - I'm yawning because I'm bored of you switching tactics depending on who you are replying to.

pickyourbrain · 12/05/2011 21:01

I feel that at my dd's school there is a huge emphasise on everyone getting the same reward. My 8 year old is very aware that when she gets a 'Spot Light' in assembly, it is purely a case of finding a way to make sure everyone is mentioned and has a go. I suppose my opinion on rewards in schools has been swayed by that.

pickyourbrain · 12/05/2011 21:01

what do you mean?

Original poster
dealer · 12/05/2011 21:08

And you are in a way arguing the same thing.
Children should be rewarded for worthwhile things and feel they have earnt them.

OP posts:
kaumana · 12/05/2011 21:11

Dealer -couldn't have said it better myself.

tethersend · 12/05/2011 21:14

pickyourbrains, your DD's school has got rewards horribly wrong IMO.

Rewards should serve to increase the frequency of positive behaviours, motivation and/or academic achievement. If everybody gets the same reward, the system is flawed. In order for a reward scheme to be effective, the targets should be personal to the child and the reward should be something the child actually wants (you'd be surprised how many schools overlook this and then claim a child is not motivated by rewards Hmm).

However, attendance awards in primary schools are just as ridiculous as not rewarding your DD for her sporting achievement. Neither makes sense.