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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be scared about the news that i'm expecting baby no 6???

113 replies

womanwholivedinashoe · 10/05/2011 18:38

I have just found out that i'm pregnant, in fact just 5 weeks with baby no 6. Baby no 5 is just 6 months old and although unexpected (we were using precautions) and scared s*less of how hard it might be. DD1 21, DS1 19, Ds2 14, DS3 8, DS4 6 months. The two oldest have left home and its not as if I have 5 children all tiny but having teenagers is no picnic by any means and the reaction to the news hasn't been great :( GP's have taken it even worse :( . DH over the moon!!! AIBU to ask people to just accept our decision to have baby no6 and be happy about it??

OP posts:

LoveLeonardCohen · 11/05/2011 20:29

Oh My goodness, i would be scared too but only because I find 2 difficult and hard work. But anyway congrats, it sounds like you're happy about it

FurKnickersAndNoCoat · 11/05/2011 20:32

you are mad but in a lovely way. imagine the fun you are going to have! many congratulations. who cares what other people think, they should be bloody happy for you - it's a new baby on the way!

haudyerwheesht · 11/05/2011 20:36

How dare anyone make you feel sad about such a wonderful event. Congratulations - I hope the pregnancy goes well. I only have 2 and am 29 and am exteremely envious!

hotcrossSES · 11/05/2011 20:42

womanwholivedinashoe - CONGRATS!!!! I think it's fantastic news andwith the help of MN you'll be fine

This thread has made a great read. I'm another that would love a large family but DH not convinced and I'm only 5wks pg with DC2 at the age of 38 so not likely really!

LG&T - great to hear your news as well. You must swing by the wagon some time!

allbie · 11/05/2011 20:43

You lucky thing!! Congratulations. We have 4...age 17 to 4. I would love to have another one but not possible. Your little ones will have the huge benefit of such able parenting and wisdom. Good luck to you.

aurynne · 12/05/2011 06:41

womanwholivedinashoe, people criticize absolutely EVERY private decision regarding fertility. I get criticized because I don't have any DC, people with only one DC get criticized for having an only, people with 2 DC get asked "so, when are you having the 3rd", and people with more than 3 get criticized for having too many. Parents with 2 DDs get criticized if they don't go for a boy, and parents of 2 DSs if they don't go for a girl.

I have a suggestion: you and I should team up, and when asked, we can say we have an average of 3 DCs each. 3 seems to be the magical number that does not get that commented on after all!

Original poster

womanwholivedinashoe · 12/05/2011 14:52

aurynee you have a deal

OP posts:

Original poster

womanwholivedinashoe · 12/05/2011 14:53

sorry aurynne :)

OP posts:

leftblank · 12/05/2011 15:19

Congratulations!! I think it is terrific!
You're making me want another!

Good luck with it all.

jobrien1980 · 12/05/2011 15:37

No, you're not. Congrats! I don't think its shocking but then I'm Irish and don't really get the English shock! horror! reaction to larger families.

Bogeyface · 12/05/2011 15:44

I am 38.5 weeks with number 6 and when I told my parents my mother rolled her eyes and said "oh FGS, have you got nothing better to do?". nice.

Thankfully DH was there and told her that we were very happy and if she hadnt got anything nice to say, to not say anything at all. She was a bit abashed and she is fine now and very supportive while we have been struggling thanks to my SPD. And i am sick to bloody death of people who seem to think that they have a right to know what our religion is (no, we are not catholic), what our hobbies are (no, it isnt shagging, and yes, we do have a TV) and whether it was planned.

But, we are happy and are looking forward to her joining us. My others are aged between 20 and 5 (including a teenager!) and they all live at home so it is chaotic here to say the least, but we will be fine and so will you :) My teenager threw a monster fit when she found out about the baby, the usual self obsessed teenage stuff about how it wasnt fair on her for us to have another, although we havent managed to find out exactly how it isnt fair on her! I think she is just embarrassed that we are actually having sex :o

Congratulations from another "Big Momma"! :o

capricorn76 · 12/05/2011 16:13

Okay I'm gonna get flamed but this is in AIBU. I don't think YABU to be scared of having a 6th. However, regardless of whether you can afford them or how much they are loved I personally believe it is unreasonable to have 6 children.

Bogeyface · 12/05/2011 17:07

Capricorn, you are entitled to your opinion of course, but atleast back it up!

Why is she (and I) U for having 6 children?

CrystalQueen · 12/05/2011 17:12

I can't get my DH to agree to DC2! Congratulations, how lovely to have a big family!

JanMorrow · 12/05/2011 17:17

I have a 6 month old daughter and have recently discovered I'm pregnant with twins (now 12 weeks)! My mother's face was a picture! She was a little concerned about the "stress and strain" etc but now she's over the moon. They'll get used to it!

Triggles · 12/05/2011 17:18

Capricorn, regardless of whether or not they can afford it or how much the child is loved, you think it's unreasonable to have 6 children? I can only imagine then that you are one of those gnashing your teeth and wailing about the carbon footprint on the planet and such.... good lord. Get a life! See? I have an opinion about your opinion!

Ah... knew I shouldn't have read AIBU when I was cross.

ConfessionsOfAnAchingFanjo · 12/05/2011 17:18

Your GP sounds like my InLaws and I'm only expecting number 2!! I got the, 'What sort of life would it have?' line when mentioning that the subject of global over population wasn't a very nice rant to hear when you want another baby. It's alright for people who haven't had kids (stepMIL has no natural kids).

Best of luck to you

ReindeerBollocks · 12/05/2011 17:22

Oooh WWL I am very

Do you think I can use this thread to convince DH that a third isn't that scary?

In all seriousness, congratulations, you will soon have a wonderful bundle of squigy babyness that all the naysayers will be trying to steal a cuddle from!

catwhiskers10 · 12/05/2011 17:29

I'm surprised how many of you have had negative comments from GPs about having several kids.
I've got one DD and my in laws would be over the moon if I just kept popping them out (they have 7 GC already) and think I'm mad and selfish for not wanting any more! Maybe we could swap?

capricorn76 · 12/05/2011 17:37

@Bogeyface. I believe the planet cannot handle the current explosion in population. The rate of consumption of finite resources is too high in the West and resource wars have already begun in Sudan. The next big wars will be over water.

I can kind of understand why families in developing nations (like the West in the past) have large families. If you have a high infant mortality rate and there is no such thing as a pension I guess you would have to have many kids in order to guarantee at least one or two will be around to work the land and provide for you when you are old.

However, in the modern West I just don't believe it's necessary or desirable for the planet. The carbon footprint for one family of 8 in the UK/US would probably be the equivalent of a small Indian village.

I'm sure the kids will be loved and well looked after but a family of this size will use too much of our diminishing resources. I know you won't agree seeing as you also have 6 kids, but that's just the way I feel. I believe 3 kids maximum, 2 preferable per family. I know I'm clearly in the minority on here.

capricorn76 · 12/05/2011 17:40

@ Triggles I have a fantastic life thank you....I also think the future of our planet is a big deal. Just because we can have something, doesn't mean we should always go for it. I'm entitled to my opinion and there was no need to be rude to me because of it.

bigbuttons · 12/05/2011 17:44

I have 6. Like you dc5 was 6 months when pg with dc6.
When dc6 was born my eldest was only 8, dc2 was 7, dc3 was 5, dc4 was 3 and dc5 15 months. Not sure how I managed really
For a long long time I desperately wanted a seventh. Dp said no money and no energy left!
Now dc6 is 4 I wouldn't want any others and I'm getting too old
Congrats though

cantpooinpeace · 12/05/2011 17:53

I don't know where I'd stop if money was no option, could easily do 5 but it's the practicalities of space and money. Have two now, definitely planning for another (hopefully twins) but not sure how my pelvic floor would cope, I have a pattern forming with big babies!

I love to have a large brood, enjoy them - balls to everyone else!

Bunbaker · 12/05/2011 18:06

In a way I can see why grandparents might be a little about so many grandchildren. So many grandparents these days end up helping out with childcare and they might think that they were done with all of that.

Having said that if you are happy then congratulations. I am a little at your fertility as it took me 17 years to have just one child. Although I wouldn't have wanted 6. I like my sleep too much

mathanxiety · 12/05/2011 18:14

Well done, and do ignore the shock and horror that people will direct your way. Enjoy your children.

I have 5, and even after two, people raised their eyebrows. Larger families have a dynamic that is different from smaller ones and not everyone appreciates that. All they see is the number 6, as if in neon. They multiply their own experience by 2 or 3 and come up with a scenario that is horrific, but it's not necessarily reality, though it does get a bit frenzied sometimes. Children are great at adjusting.

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