To ask you all about weight?

[JaneFonda]

When I first got together with DP (we were both teenagers), I was slim, athletic etc.

However, 16 years and two DS's later, I am not feeling particularly happy with my body, so am joining a gym.

DP says he still finds me attractive, but I'm not totally convinced.

Has anyone else gained weight throughout their relationship, and did your DP/DH care?

when i met DH i was 7 and half stone and 4ft 11. i loved how i looked.

now fast forward 6 years and 2 DC i am still 4ft 11 but 10st 5 :(

I am about three stone heavier than I was when I first got with now DH - nearly 7 years ago.

I am not happy with it and am currently pregnant with my first baby, so it will get worse before it gets better.

DH says I'm still beautiful

Joining a gym sounds like a good plan if you are unhappy with your shape - even if you don't lose weight it's much healthier to be active.

I'm pleased that you are doing this for yourself rather than because you feel pressured by your DH. Do bear in mind that it is normal to not be the same shape/size in your 30s/40s as you were in your teens!

In all honesty I think if DP put on a lot of weight I would find him less attractive, so while I would expect him to understand that babies and the passing of time lead to weight gain, I wouldn't blame him for noticing. As long as he still says I'm beautiful like Chocolocolate's DH :)

I have and bless my DH he doesn't honestly seem to care. He still makes 'passes' at me. When we got together when we were teenagers, I was like you slim but not athletic. 12 years and 1 ds, I am three sizes bigger than I was a year and a half ago (ds is 5/12) and four sizes than when we first met.

At the beginning of our relationship, I fell seriously ill and became skeletal. He was fairly vocal about the need for me to eat up to get to a healthy weight. Half way through uni, I gained weight (a size smaller than I am now). It crept on so I didn't really notice and I certainly didn't notice any change in the way he treated me (my mom is the one who kindly pointed it out).

I hate the way I look now, but my dh doesn't. He calls my thigh stretch marks little tiger stripes (actually he didn't know what they were at first, just went 'oh honey, look you;ve got little tiger stripes - I love them' . I was mortified). He still does all the thngs he used to do to let me know he fancied me that he did before.

Gosh that was a lengthy reply. In short, I think that men can honestly love a changing body.

Sorry that sounded a bit sarcastic. My mom did kindly point it out - the women in my family have struggled with slow weight gain and she just wanted to make sure I was aware of what was happening before it became very difficult to get rid of.

When I met DH I was a size 14/16 and about 12.5st. After fertility nightmares got up to 15st - DH still fancied me though. Then dieted down to 10.5st after the DCs.

Held steady there for four years and DH made the fatal mistake of saying he thought I looked the best I ever had (poor guy). Weight has crept up and I'm now 11.5st. I feel really gross and unsexy though DH makes it clear he finds me attractive.

My body has changed loads - breasts much lower and emptier, tummy disaster area (3 cs and weight fluctuations), flabby arse... even when I was bigger before I was 'firmer' at least. Throughout it all DH has said I am gorgeous, sexy, made it clear he thinks I am fanciable. It's ME who doesn't feel it much anymore, you know?

I am the same weight I was when we met (ten years ago). However, I am not quite the same shape - boobs saggier, tummy slacker, etc.

I hate it - in my clothes I look OK, without them I feel like whole torso looks like it's starting to melt.

DH says he still finds me as attractive as ever, but I don't believe him.

Okay - I will answer your question with another question.

If your dh who you have loved for x years, slowly lost his hair would you love him less? If you dh who you have loved for x years, gained 4 stone so was no longer the skinny 19-22 year old you first met, but now was a beefy man, would you love him less?

The answer, for many, is no. You would love him the same, if not more, as you have grown up together and faced a number of challenges and wonders.

I am pretty sure that this is the same the other way round. If you met your husband when you were a size 10 and aged 22, but now you are 38 and a size 16 but have given him 2 children and have shared lots of positive and negative experiences, I am pretty sure he will love you exactly the same if not more.

Surely the point is- are YOU happy with how you look, and your size?
if you are not, then you can't expect anyone else to love you- old saying, love yourself first .

I do think that although our partners will love us when we change shape etc etc, if it is something that we can control- rather than an illness or disability- we should, out of love and respect for them, make an effort to keep ourselves attractive and a healthy weight.

It says more about what women who "let themselves go" think of their partners than the other way round, IMO.

I gained weight... about 3lbs a year. Which after 10 years has become a major issue for me, not so much for DH though if he was brutally honest I doubt he'd get upset if I got down to my wedding weight. He's certainly looking happier now I've lost my first stone (and thinner himself).

Do it for you if you want to do it. Its not fair to make him the reason, especially if he's being supportive and still loves you... my guilt is mine alone, my self loathing is owned by me, I will/am do(ing) something about it. For myself (and kids and future and health and blah blah blah).

I wouldn't say I let myself go, I still look after myself and scrub up well, I've just been happy and unconcerned at the 3lbs a year and unable to add up.

Have to say I DO feel much better.

I feel rank currently, loads of weight put on, I want to lose weight for me, and not for anybody else. When I first met dh, I was 5ft 6inch, and 7 stone, now I am 11 stone 6, (2 kids, medication, life difficulties, living in hospitals etc...) same height. I carry it well, but for me its not nice.

I have put on weight out of laziness since DD, and also gained around my middle through age. I'm a 12, but struggle around the middle with trousers that do up. I keep fit (ish) and watch what I eat. I'm with cabbage; I think it says a lot when you make an effort to scrub and and look after yourself.

I no longer have sex with DP, so presumably he doesn't find me attractive, but I continue to do my best (I'm 51). He's lost weight too, having gone from 15 to 13 stone (he's 6').

agree with cabbageroses

i would still love my husband if he put 4 stone on, but i doubt i'd find him as attractive as i do now.

i haven't put weight on but after 3 children my body doesn't look as good naked as it used to... i'm pretty sure the kids make up for that in dh's book, but i honestly don't think he'd fancy me if i suddenly went up 3 dress sizes.

I'm 5ft 8" and 12.5 stone, size 14. Was 9 stone when I first met exdh but am almost 43 and hade 2 dcs so would expect weight gain. I do want to lose at least a stone though and get into a 12 but not back into an 8 (like my boobies too much )
My dp now fancies me never asks me to lose weight. That would make me feel like shit and I don't think I could be with someone who said that. We try to encourage each other to stay fit which is more important, though he is better at this seen as he loves cycling.

my dh appears to fancy me more these days - although I'm lighter than I used to be, being pg has had an adverse affect on my body (I'm a size bigger on my bottom and smaller on my top!). I don't like me like this though and am doing something about it.

I don't fancy dh as much with a beer belly though, and I'm doing something about that too (in the guise of him supporting me!).

In the years DH has known me I have been between 9 stone and 12 stone (when not pregnant - even heavier when pregnant). He claims he's always been attracted to me, no matter what size, but more attracted when I'm feeling happy about myself as my confidence in myself shines through. I'm currently just over 10 stone and happy at that weight - do lots of sport but that's because I like the endorphins it releases. Going to the gym will hopefully do the same for you OP.

curious there is no need to expect weight gain after children and age!
I am 56 and weigh the same as i did at 21 after 2 DCs.

well bully for you, cabbageroses! I would say your experience isn't the norm, however.

I was just over 9 stone when me and DP met 7 years ago.
Since then I've had 3 DC and I'm 11 stone.
I also gave up smoking during that time so this accounts for some of the weight gain. The rest of it is just eating too much.

I know that DP would like me to lose a bit of weight - I'm not that tall so I don't carry the extra weight well. Plus most of the weight is on my belly which really gets me down. He does still find me attractive but probably not as much but I don't blame him.

I've just started an exercise regime to try and shift some weight. I'd be happy at 9.5 stone.

I am 5ft 3" and when I got together with OH I was about 8.5 stone, which fluctuated to 7.5 stone. That was 7 years ago. Then I stopped smoking because I wanted to get pregnant and started eating LOTS and became 10 stone. I wasn't at all happy with the stomach fat.
Then got preggers and no point in trying to lose weight, hungry all the time for carbs etc etc cake etc etc. Had a HUGE baby 10lb 2, didn't have any stretch marks till last 2 overdue weeks, then had EMCS. have had another baby and another CS, both have been breastfed and still BFing.
So now have saggy, overhanging stomach with stretchmark and saggy big boobs (36D), they've never gone down.
Was the biggest ever after this baby (over 10stone), but with combination of diet and exercise, got down to about 9.4 stone.If I get to 9 stone then I reckon that's healthy,

sorry for long and possibly boring post

Well... the only time I really gained weight I'd say during our relationship was when I conceived. 27 weeks pregnant with a HUGE bump and he still says I'm beautiful. I certainly don't feel it, but it does make me feel better for some reason. :)

When I met DH I was under 8 stone, fast forward 22 years, 3 children and I have stretch marks, saggy boobs and a jelly belly at my heaviest I was 16 stone I'm now 10 stone 5 [almost at target]and DH has never once been bothered about how I look.

I used to weigh 11 stone. That was really slim for me (very tall). I had a super fast metabolism and could always eat what I wanted and not put on weight.

Am 40 now and, I am 12 stone. I am still a healthy BMI (of 23, and size 12-14 at 6ft 1 isn't a bad size to be) but I guess my metabolism is slowing down a bit.

I still eat pretty much what I like (never dieted in my life) but am now on a higher weight. A bit flabby around the waist line, but DH says it is amazing how I look exactly the same as when I was 20. Bless him.

Mind you, I guess DH has put on a stone as well. We're in this together, hope we'll never get fat though, but we are very sporty so hopefully that helps.

7.5 stone when met DH
Not sure now - maybe 11

I always weigh less when single - spending more time going out and skipping meals and so on. So weight gain has been to do with change of lifestyle rather than kids!

I feel perfectly fine TBH. DH makes it quite clear h thinks I'm gorgeous

OP if you want to lose weight then gym sounds good. Glad you have a nice DH too!

What is with the jelly belly? Some women I know who had children don't have one and then others like me have a jelly belly. It doesn't matter how much exercise, or stomach exercises or diet (like low GI) that I do nothing shifts the jelly, I fear that it will be forever wobbly, bikini days definately over. but why won't it go?