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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask you all about weight?

73 replies

JaneFonda · 08/05/2011 23:52

When I first got together with DP (we were both teenagers), I was slim, athletic etc.

However, 16 years and two DS's later, I am not feeling particularly happy with my body, so am joining a gym.

DP says he still finds me attractive, but I'm not totally convinced.

Has anyone else gained weight throughout their relationship, and did your DP/DH care?

OP posts:

darleneoconnor · 09/05/2011 11:15

I've gained 4 stone since getting together with DP. He was already a bit overweight, with bad eating habits and he's been a terrible influence on me! He cooks huge portions and I feel bad if I dont eat it all. He has no idea how many calories are in foods. I quiz him sometimes and he usually underestimates by half. He has a takeaway fondness which is too hard for me to resist joining in. He frequently makes late night snacks, the smell of which make me hungry again, even though I've had my 3 meals of the day. I know that if we broke up I'd lose a lot of weight.

DP couldn't care less how much I weighed. In fact I think he'd feel insecure if I was a size 8.

SeymoreButts · 09/05/2011 11:16

I'm 5' 3" and about 7.5 stone, the same as I was when I met DH 8 years ago. I had postpartum thyroiditis after both my pregnancies and was skeletal for a few months after giving birth. I've just turned 30 and have noticed some extra weight going on my tummy and thighs... so I have signed up to do a half marathon in September. Hopefully if I can get to the point where I can run 13 miles I will keep up running for the long term. I lose interest in the gym very quickly.

DH has never passed comment on my weight but he seems more enthusiastic when I am heavier.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 09/05/2011 11:20

When I first met DH I was just under 7 stone and 5 foot and half an inch!

12 years and 2 children later i'm now 9 stone and 5 foot 2 and a half!

I'm hoping to get down to 8 and half stone though but scoffing burgers and pizzas isnt helping me get to my target weight!

everyspring · 09/05/2011 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aldiwhore · 09/05/2011 11:24

Very true worra my mate lost 4 stone and got compliments and commendation all the time, 6 years on and she's maintained it - and I am sure that's taken as much effort as losing it - but no one ever says 'well done you'!

Tis a strange difference indeed, I shall ring her now and tell her she's fantastic

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 09/05/2011 11:45

No weight gain is not inevitable with aging......I look far better at 40 than I did at 20 but then when I was 20 I was a lazy slob who loved macdonalds!!!!!

At 40, I eat sensibly, have really cut down on my drinking and exercise...a lot....and it shows. I am not perfect by a long chalk, but I look decent and my hard work is paying off. It IS hard work though, a constant slog but I prefer looking thin to pigging out so for me it is totally worth it xx

cabbageroses · 09/05/2011 11:49

fedup- thanks
It is an effort- I recently put on half a stone and went up to 8 st which is the most I ever have been - was that during an unhappy stage in my 20s. it's not about weight- more about shape and my waist was 30 inches.

I have managed to lose 5lbs with a lot of effort.

it's not luck- my whole family ( parents) put on weight easily, and there is also a history of heart disease right across my mum's side, so I need to be aware of that.

My mum is around 8.5 st at 84 and has kept her weight the same all her life, give or take half a stone.

I am not ashamed to say that yes, I do make the effort. I don't starve or obssess, but if I put on more than a few pounds I cut back. I also make a huge effort with exercise- walk 3 miles uphill 4-5 times a week andif i don't I do some exercises at home.

I am not saying I am any better than anyone else, I am simply disputing some people's ideas that weight gain is inevitable.

I keep my weight down more for health than "beauty" reasons. being overweight is one of the main causes of breast cancer and in my mid 50s I am aware of that risk maybe more than you youngsters!

COCKadoodledooo · 09/05/2011 11:51

I am currently 8lbs heavier than the day we got married, and on target to be back at that weight by our 13th anniversary this year

I am a hell of a lot fitter than I was back then now too. Oh and despite being a bit heavier now I know I am the same dress size - tried on my going away dress the other day, and it fits perfectly for the first time since 1998!

During the intervening years I have had 2 children, but tbh I put on heaps of weight before that happened (up to 15 stone at one point ). Was 13.5 stone when I got pg with ds1 and put on 3 stone

With ds2 I started pregnancy at 13st 3lbs, put on barely 1.5 stone and that had gone by the time he was 4 weeks old. I maintained that weight pretty much until the start of this year when I started my Moonwalk training, and decided to lose some weight at the same time.

During all this time dh has maintained he still fancies me as much as the day we met, and I have no reason to disbelieve him. However now I feel better about myself, more sexy, more attractive than I've felt in years. I think that has as much effect on our sex life as anything else tbh.

Bennifer · 09/05/2011 11:58

I do think that to an extent, it's an excuse to say "2 DC later, I'm x stone heavier".

There's some truth to it, but I think it's more likely that people tend to get fatter as they age, if they don't do anything to combat it, especially as we lead sedentary lives. This applies to childless women and men, as well as women.

mrsravelstein · 09/05/2011 12:06

i'm with cabbage on this one - my mother is a size 20/22 and has been very overweight since her early 30s, which is one of the reasons why I've always been so careful to watch my own weight (not dieting but eating well and exercising, and making sure I take action if i put on more than a couple of lbs). so it can be a bit irksome when people tell me i'm just 'lucky' to be slim.

ledkr · 09/05/2011 12:08

sardine i weigh less when single.I find no time to eat plus marboro lights and wine for tea very slimming!
I had dc5 3 months ago and am hating my bod,doing all the right things but hate it,and im pretty sure dh does too altho has been very gracious

RabidRabbit · 09/05/2011 12:12

I was 17 stone and 5'7" when I met DH 6 years ago, bloody hell. Started WW at the beginning of last year when DD was 6mo and I'm now 10st 4lb.

He doesn't seem to fancy me any more physically than he did but he does appreciate the confidence I now have.

SardineQueen · 09/05/2011 12:42

I used to live on booze and fags too ledkr Was fantastically lithe and lissom but I don't think that anyone could argue it was a healthy lifestyle!

I'm sorry you are feeling unhappy at the moment. 3 months is such a short time after birth, and your body has been through huge changes. And 5dc! Wow! I am in awe. You have done this before, you know that this is very soon after the birth, there is plenty of time to think about bodies later on, for now I imagine you have enough on your plate! And please don't second guess what your DH thinks - you may well be guessing way off the mark.

Chin up

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 09/05/2011 12:51

am 5'9"
was 10st 4 when i met DH aged 20
am 12st now
sounds like a lot but i am fairly tall so not orca-fat
DH swears he doesn't mind.

i do feel as though i have to make more of an effort with clothes/hair/makeup though. as a slimmish 20 year old i could get away with trackie bottoms and a cheap haircut, but not anymore.

VeryStressedMum · 09/05/2011 13:18

I'm way heavier than when I met dh all those years ago, i know it's my fault because I eat loads. Nothing to do with baby because they are too old to blame them (although I still try, 'I've just had a baby' - the 4 year old baby is running past).
I feel crap so I'm trying to lose it again - I go up and down.

And although I wish I looked like the yummy mummies in their skinny jeans I can't be jealous because if I made the effort like they did (unless they are naturally like that) then I'd look like that too.

Lambzig · 09/05/2011 13:23

my DH and i met about 12 years ago and I had put on about a stone and a half over that time and one DC. When my daughter was ten months earlier this year I decided to do something about it and have now lost that weight. Have to say everything isnt as toned and firm as it used to be, but I still feel lots better for losing it and fitting into small sizes again.

I dont think my DH could care either way. He has gained about a stone in those 12 years.

If you want to lose the weight then do it. Good luck.

FabbyChic · 09/05/2011 13:25

I never understand why when women/men get comfortable in a relationship they let themselves go, what about how you feel about yourself? Just because you are with someone doesn't mean you should let yourself go.

I've seen men do it when they drink too much, women do it because they comfort eat, and can't keep their mits off the chocolate or snacks.

emy72 · 09/05/2011 13:31

I have been the same weight since I was 16, I am 58kg for a 1m68cm height (approx 5ft6in) which is slim but not skinny, I am generally a size 10 although in recent years a size 8 only because I think clothes have got a little bigger! I have 4 young children. I have always put on a lot of weight during my pregnancies and then it just seems to go.

I have never been on a diet but I think I am one of the lucky people whose appetite seems quite low and self regulating. I think there is something in genetics as I have never ever been on a diet and in my whole family on both sides I cannot think of one single person who's overweight, and in fact growing up I think I was the chubbiest of all my cousins! (Some of my females cousins same height but weighing 7st!).

Having said all of that, I definitely have a loose belly and could do with getting fitter, but just can't find the time with 4 children and work and everything else I seem to have to fit into my mad life!

notyummy · 09/05/2011 13:35

DH and I have had a conversation about this. We have been together 12 years and are both slightly lighter/fitter now than when we first met. Neither of us was overweight then.

Luckily we both seem to share the same opinion - yes, as we age we expect that our bodies and shape will change. I am nearly 40, and he is slightly younger. If in 10 years time he or I are a stone heavier - which wouldn't put us in the 'overweight' category - despite maintaining our current diet and exercise regime (we are very disciplined about exercise and do a lot - diet is good but with occasional treats) then we would much rather live with that additional stone than be unhappy and constantly battling. If we actually got overweight than that is a different matter. It effects your health and the kind of life you can lead with your family. I would call him on that, and I would expect him to call me on it.

BrandyAlexander · 09/05/2011 13:43

I was prob about 9 stone and size 10 when met dh 10 years ago. Gradually weight crept to 10.5 stone and size 12. I am petite so not a good look for me. So went to gym and dieted for first time in my life and and lost 2.5 stone over an 8 month period be 8 stone and size 8. Put on 2 stone with pregnancy and found it so much harder to lose the weight. It took longer than first time round. I finally got back to 8 stone and got pregnant at first attempt!! So now back to 10 stone and will be looking to lose it again over the next year.

While I lose the weight for me and feel much better for it, I have noticed that dh can't keep his hands to himself when I am slimmer and toned, even though I know he loves me just the same.

BelleEnd · 09/05/2011 13:56

Am about a stone lighter than I was when I met him. Also a dress size smaller. He doesn't care.

Am about some of the attitudes on this thread, as if people are bigger because they're lazy and are always stuffing their faces. Losing weight is hard work, I don't blame anyone if they want to relax a bit with food and not become obsessed with it, or the lack of it.

flooziesusie · 09/05/2011 14:01

Every single morning I wake up, I wished I'd followed my diet better the day before.

I've gone up 2 dress sizes and about 3 stone since meeting my DH. I know it's a problem for him (he'll never say so out right, but makes little references to how he knows it makes me feel shit). It's a fucking big problem for me and my self worth.

I've put on weight because I eat too much and don't get enough exercise. I cycle as much as I can and am running most evenings, I eat healthy food, just too much of it to burn off. It's got very little to do with my 2 DC's I reckon, but that's just me personally. Its my own fault that I'm overweight. I am lazy and greedy.

I'm gradually changing though, my mindset it focused on my families future and my future happiness. Which isn't going to be fat.

Shodan · 09/05/2011 14:03

I was 10 st 7lb when I met H, 8 years ago. Am now 11st, 5'8". Same shape, with a couple of inches on both hips and boobs.

But I have been doing karate for the last 8 years and going to the gym for the last two, so have built up a lot of muscle, particularly round the tummy area. I have a flat stomach but this is due mainly to genes- I have an hourglass shape. Any weight goes on my bum and thighs.

I don't think you necessarily have to accept that you're going to be heavier than when you were younger, but you probably do have to accept that it's going to be harder to keep the weight down. It certainly takes more effort for me.

DH doesn't really seem to notice what weight I am, tbh, and always makes it very clear that he still fancies me. And now I'm on the coil I can take advantage of it!

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