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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask you all about weight?

73 replies

JaneFonda · 08/05/2011 23:52

When I first got together with DP (we were both teenagers), I was slim, athletic etc.

However, 16 years and two DS's later, I am not feeling particularly happy with my body, so am joining a gym.

DP says he still finds me attractive, but I'm not totally convinced.

Has anyone else gained weight throughout their relationship, and did your DP/DH care?

OP posts:

cabbageroses · 09/05/2011 10:33

emma- it is called making the effort.

I weigh between 7.7 and 8 stone - currently 7.10 and am just over 5' 2 and petite.

I put on just over a stone with each pregnancy and had 2 healthy DCs who weighed between 7 and 7.5 lbs each.

DrGruntFotter · 09/05/2011 10:34

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SardineQueen · 09/05/2011 10:34

Leonard maybe because it was stretched out to the size of a small house and everybody is different?

DrGruntFotter · 09/05/2011 10:35

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SardineQueen · 09/05/2011 10:36

Well yes.

cabbageroses · 09/05/2011 10:39

Funny how everyone gets bitchy and maybe jealous when someone actually says how it is for them, isn't it?

LadyWithNoManors · 09/05/2011 10:40

everyone's different.
No need to turn it in to a slanging match

fedupandfifty · 09/05/2011 10:41

I agree with cabbage - gaining weight is not compulsory with age or kids; it's change in habits that does it - and as you age, and scrubbing up gets harder, it requires more motivation. I'm less motivated now, because DP has lost interest in me anyway.

Good on you, cabbage - an example to us all!!

worraliberty · 09/05/2011 10:41

I read somewhere that the maximum weight you're supposed to gain during pregnancy is 2st and that includes baby, fluid etc. Any more than that, and you yourself are gaining fat.

My Dr said that measuring the tops of your thighs throughout pregnancy, will give an indication of whether you're gaining fat or baby weight.

aldiwhore · 09/05/2011 10:44

My legs are like chicken's, that measurement wouldn't have worked for me worraliberty! I'm all arse and belly, like a pigeon, with breasts. It wasn't pregnancy that made me fat, it was not tackling those extra few lbs when they piled on, and then getting used to them.

Supermoo · 09/05/2011 10:47

Over 10 years I have gained around 2 stone, lost it and regained it! Am now back to losing it again... I put on three stone during my last pregnancy, and not all of it was baby
DH does care, I know he does, but he'd never say so.

I think the implicaation that women gain weight (or fail to lose it) because they can't be arsed or don't respect their partner is a bit thick tbh.

DrGruntFotter · 09/05/2011 10:49

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mrsravelstein · 09/05/2011 10:51

loveleonardcohen - i had no 'jelly belly' after ds1 who was born at 37 weeks, and i wore a bikini with pride for 6 years until the arrival of ds2, who decided to wait til 42 weeks to be born.... have never been able to wear a bikini again... am still the same size and weight but stomach skin has never retracted in the way it did after 1st pregnancy (and is even worse after 3rd pregnancy).

if you're older when you're pregnant your skin presuambly wouldn't have the same elasticity, i would imagine that at 20 you'd have much more chance of springing back into shape than at 35?? could that be a factor?

worraliberty · 09/05/2011 10:53

To be fair it does often require effort to maintain body weight DrGrunt

A lot of people roll their eyes and say 'good for you' etc...but if that person has put all the effort in, it really is good for them surely?

LittleOneMum · 09/05/2011 10:54

Poor cabbageroses - I am the same too (8.5 stone when I met DH, same now after 2 DCs)

DrGruntFotter · 09/05/2011 10:57

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BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 09/05/2011 10:58

I was 13st4 when I met DH (in 1990) and am now 9st 11 one DS later!

My DH however, has put on about 5 stone since we got together and I love him just as much and apart from the obvious health implications I am not bothered about it.............he is very self conscious about being bigger now but I still love him regardless.

I do loads of exercise and only now (DS is 8) have I lost my baby weight
....9 months on, 9 months off??? Bollox, more like 9 years off, lol

2littlegreenmonkeys · 09/05/2011 10:58

I was about (never paid much attention to my weight) 10 and a half stone when DH and I got together I am now 14 stone 3lbs. Weight has never bothered me TBh and DH says it does not bother him.
DH has also put weight on since we have been together and TBH I prefer him with a bit of meat on him as he was a skinny minnie before. I would like to loose weight but as I see it I eat healthily and walk in excess of 5 miles a day about 5 days out of 7 on a bad week and everyday on a good week.
(We don't have a car so tend to walk all over)

worraliberty · 09/05/2011 11:02

Oh and regarding the 'jelly belly'...I think we do sag after a certain age and our belly and boobs do drop, regardless of how tight our muscles are...unless we're really into sports/gym in a big way.

I'm 8st 3lbs and 5ft 3"...after having 3 babies, I still didn't have a jelly belly...until I hit 40 and then it became a bit squidgy lol.

barbie007 · 09/05/2011 11:04

The worse thing for me is that I am either trying to lose weight or simply putting it on, there's never a time when my weight is constant. Lost 4 kilos jan-march and weighed myself yesterday and I've put 3 back on.

I've gone up a size since getting married and having 3 kids which I don't think it's too bad :)

fedupandfifty · 09/05/2011 11:05

Absolutely, worral. What's wrong with making an effort? Cabbage is mid 50's and perhaps she's just lucky, but it IS an effort to stay slim when you're older. I'm 51, and struggling. I've always struggled, but remained a 10 til I had DD at 43, then it has crept on gradually. I refuse to give in, though, because I believe it's better for your self-esteem if you continue to make an effort.

SardineQueen · 09/05/2011 11:09

Nothing wrong with making an effort for yourself. Plenty wrong with policing the weight of others and when they say they are quite happy, thanks, accusing them of being jealous

If people are really so happy with how they are, then why refuse to believe others when they say they are also quite happy. Why not be happy for them.

aldiwhore · 09/05/2011 11:09

I resigned myself to the fact that I will always be watching my weight. Losing it is difficult but maintaining optimum weight is also a balancing act... I admit freely that sometimes I simply couldn't be bothered with being food obsessed all the time and that's when my weight crept up. I also love food and am not keen on sports.

Have to say that once I've lost all I want to, and am maintaining it, I will be a little smug and self congratulatory.

tak1ngchances · 09/05/2011 11:12

I was on the pill when I met DH and weighed between 81/2 and 9 stone. I'm 5'5" and that was quite heavy for me, my whole family are skinny.
Since coming off the pill and doing a v stressful job and generally running around like a loonie, I have dropped down to 7st 9 or thereabouts.
DH says he much preferred me when I was curvier. I am actually trying to put on a bit of weight now, not really for DH but just because I think 8st is more normal for me.

worraliberty · 09/05/2011 11:15

Good point Sardine if they are being totally honest with themselves then good for them..nowt to do with others.

On that note though (and cos this has just entered my mind) it seems people get very little in the way of 'well done' comments for maintaining their weight and looking after their bodies...compared to people who announce they've lost say 4 or 5 stone. Then people are often queing up to say "Wow that's brilliant..well done!"

Not that I'm saying we should be walking around congratulating everyone! But all the same it's a strange difference

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