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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect PILs to get a fireguard??

118 replies

newcommer · 07/05/2011 22:02

we visit PILs for a few hours a week with our 11month DD. they have a wood burning stove in their lounge, now obviously its not in use now, but by winter DD will be running around, and as she is already into everything especially things that she is told to leave alone, AIBU to expect them to get a fireguard? Apparently I am as they are responsible grandparents, so they don't need one!

OP posts:
Spidermama · 08/05/2011 10:59

We've got a wood burner and four children. It has never been an issue. You teach them about it being hot. Great lesson. No need to stress.

Young children can't be wrapped up in cotton wool. They need to learn about the real world so they can properly assess risk.

Read The Continuum Concept if you want an antedote to your risk assessment.

Goblinchild · 08/05/2011 11:02

Different again if you live in a house with an open fire or woodburner, as opposed to being a casual visitor. One you can train as a constant threat, the other, they forget.
Fireguard or constant high alert. Only two choices. I also wouldn't be leaving a child with them 'keeping an eye out'.

edam · 08/05/2011 11:02

Spider, small children have accidents. You can teach them not to touch all you want, doesn't stop them tripping.

Megatron · 08/05/2011 11:02

I don't think you should make a big thing out of this at all. If you are there a few hours a week and are with her then it's not an issue.

If they actually ask you if she can stay overnight (and you are happy for her to do so) then tell them that you have no objection but if she is to stay, the fire will have to be guarded with a fireguard which you will provide. Make it very matter of fact and take it from there.

For the record, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all if it's worrying you so much. ALL parents have things that stress them out and just because some may feel this is not something to worry about doesn't mean that you shouldn't. There are plenty of things that other parents stress about on here that I don't bother about and vice versa I'm sure.

bruffin · 08/05/2011 11:12

"Spider, small children have accidents. You can teach them not to touch all you want, doesn't stop them tripping."
My sister fell against a little bar fire at my nan's when she was tall and burnt her legs.

iscream · 08/05/2011 11:35

YANBU. I'd simply buy one and bring it over. What harm does it do?

HumphreyCobbler · 08/05/2011 12:14

I simply would not trust someone to look after my children if they did not take adequate measures to protect them from fire.

Of course I teach them about fire being hot and dangerous too, that goes without saying. I teach them that you don't play with pills but I still lock them up.

The consequences of an accident with fire are so horrifying I can't believe those who say they don't bother because they teach their children to be safe.

valiumredhead · 08/05/2011 13:31

Buy one and take it round.

olderandwider · 08/05/2011 13:49

Our woodburner gets very hot and I would be anxious about a young child falling onto it. Yes they would learn not to touch, but what about tripping or falling? If I had LOs I would certainly get a fireguard. Why wouldn't you?

Eglu · 08/05/2011 14:34

YABU, I had an open coal fire when DS1 was small and didn't have a fireguard other than the one to stop sparks jumping out. He was fine.

Samjam10 · 08/05/2011 15:40

I don't think you ABU, if you buy it. My sort of parents in law (I'm not married) have an open fire (as do we). We have always had a fireguard, but not them. We were visiting, and son (big boy of 10 for God's sake) nearly fell into their fire when the dog jumped up at him. It was fine and I didn't say anything, but next time we visited, they had got a guard for the fire, which I thought was very considerate.

HumphreyCobbler · 08/05/2011 19:54

good god, I was driven about in my parents car with no seat belt for my entire childhood. I was fine.

Can't imagine anyone on mumsnet saying that meant it was ok to go without strapping their children in, just because they survived it Hmm

WoTmania · 08/05/2011 20:00

YABU -

My parents and Grandparents have woodburning stoves neither have fireguards. The children are there a lot but are never unattended in the same room. DS1 is 5 and so far it hasn't been a problem. Children behave better differently at others people's houses IME.
We have stoves and fireguards but thta is because my DC are more likely to be in a room unattended with it and to be running around and fall on them.

WoTmania · 08/05/2011 20:01

although if it is in a smeel area that woul dbe different' - that is my other reason for h aving one but not asking my folks' to. our house is a lot smaller so more chance of them falling whereas in at my parents' they never get htat close to the stove.

springpiece · 08/05/2011 20:05

If they are insisting that they won't use one even if you are buying then they are just being silly.
You can't teach a child not to fall into a stove.

KeepCalmAndCurryOn · 08/05/2011 20:05

Just don't take dc round there. Invite PILs instead.

KeepCalmAndCurryOn · 08/05/2011 20:06

Is you dh onside, btw?

Northeastgirl · 08/05/2011 20:12

Probably a good idea to have one but I think YABU to expect they should pay for it if they don't consider it necessary.

fatlazymummy · 08/05/2011 20:49

I had this when my children were small. My PIL'S had an openflame gas fire. My Mum had a normal gas fire. Neither of them had stair gates. To be honest I just used to have to keep jumping up and down every 30 seconds to make sure they were safe. It wouldn't have occurred to me to expect or even ask them to buy anything special on my behalf.

fatlazymummy · 08/05/2011 20:51

Of course if your PIL's are taking a childminding role then that is a different matter. In which case you could offer to buy one for their use.

Bramshott · 08/05/2011 21:00

I've never understood this thing where GPs kit out their homes as if the kids are there full time TBH. Surely if they want her to stay, and you're worried about the fire, when you drop her off, you also drop off a fireguard (along with a stairgate, and anything else you consider essential)?

sprinkles77 · 08/05/2011 21:16

I wouldn't ever have a conversation with GPs about it, just get one and take it round when it's needed. not worth the risk. DD might understand "no" but might forget while toddling around. As for someones suggestion that DD will touch it once then learn from her mistake....I wouldn't take the risk. A burn will hurt, may scar and if serious could affect her forever. You're not going to teach road safety by letting her get hit by a car, are you?

Original poster
newcommer · 08/05/2011 21:30

kittytickle that is really kind of you thankyou, but getting a fireguard for the GPs to use wouldn't be a problem, they are just refusing to use one!! Maybe i change my post slightly to AIBU to want GPs to use a fireguard that i will provide for them if they want to babysit the DD in their home?? but then when it comes down to it, even if i do provide them with one, how can i be sure that they are going to use it?? DP would rather they have one but wouldn't push the issue, as he has never really been one for rocking the boat where his parents are concerned!

OP posts:
Beamur · 08/05/2011 21:45

It's a tricky one, my Mum (who is horrendously forgetful) would have her gas fire on with DD toddling about and playing in front of, so I used to turn it off then turn up the central heating! Not so easy when you can't take direct action.

Birdsgottafly · 08/05/2011 21:48

OP all i can say is then take them on a day out to the childrens burns unit because it sounds as though that is what it will take. Personally i wouldn't leave her in their care without a fire guard. If they are going to be stubbon for the sake of it over such an important issue, what else will they treat with such disregard.