Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect PILs to get a fireguard??

118 replies

newcommer · 07/05/2011 22:02

we visit PILs for a few hours a week with our 11month DD. they have a wood burning stove in their lounge, now obviously its not in use now, but by winter DD will be running around, and as she is already into everything especially things that she is told to leave alone, AIBU to expect them to get a fireguard? Apparently I am as they are responsible grandparents, so they don't need one!

OP posts:
worraliberty · 07/05/2011 23:01

They've only hinted at having your child over night..they haven't asked if they can.

If they ask, that would be the right time to discuss fire guards and stair gates imo.

You say you visit for just a few hours a week. When you visit friends for just a few hours do you expect them to baby proof their homes ready for your arrival?

Original poster
newcommer · 07/05/2011 23:04

TheSecondComing i am touched by your concern :), no being anxious isn't a can't cope thing its just a me thing! I'm finding being a mother easier and more rewarding than i imagined possible, was kind of anxious that i wouldn't be able to cope!! It probably bothers me more because DM bought a fireguard and baby gates without even being asked! And money is not an issue for PIL as my DM is in the poor house to them in comparison.

OP posts:
Clar1987 · 07/05/2011 23:04

Hi

Im new to this site but heard about this post through others. Please guys Im begging you get fireguards. I have been disfigured from a burns accident which happened when i fell into an open coal fire when I was 7months. I have no grudges or regrets about anything in my life but trust me no one wants to go through what my parents and grandparents went through( it was a grandparents unguarded fire).

There is no such thing as being completely safe and I completely understand there are always risks. But never say that it will never happen as thats what my parents said while watching a burns tv prog 6 weeks before my accident.
There is also the annoying legal aspect of this stuff. In some parts of the UK its still illegal and classed as neglect, to leave a child under 14 in a room with an unguarded fire (regardless of what type of fire).

Sorry about the length of this and I really dont mean to rant but your kids are the most important, precious things in the world so buy a fireguard and be as vigilant as you can. What happened to me devestated my grandparents so nag if you have too.

gotolder · 07/05/2011 23:07

"boiling point"
"god knows what they did a hundred years ago"

Well, I can't go back quite that far, but as child every house that I can remember had a fire guard, from a small spark guard to a large cage, on which the washing could be dried/aired, and also to prevent small persons being burnt/setting their clothes on fire. That didn't stop adults doing their best to keep us away from the heat 'cause even a hot fire guard could scorch.

Original poster
newcommer · 07/05/2011 23:10

worraliberty, if the friends i saw every week didn't have a child safe home, then i would invite them to my house more often or arrange to meet somewhere else, if a friend wanted to look after my DD overnight then maybe i would lend them my fireguard, and as a friend and as they know how important it is too me i know that they wouldnt have a problem with it

OP posts:
HumphreyCobbler · 07/05/2011 23:13

Clar1987 sums it up

All of you saying that you wouldn't have fireguards as you teach your children that things are hot and that is all you need to do - you are lucky your children didn't fall over and land against the stove with their faces. I am really surprised by this attitude. It is like not bothering to put a seat belt in a car IMO.

I don't know about 100 years ago specifically, but if you read a History Of Childhood, death and injury by burning was one of the more common ways people lost children over the last few hundred years.

edam · 07/05/2011 23:58

clar1987, thanks for that heartfelt post.

gotolder, you are right - thinking back to when I was little everyone had fireguards. (Although to be fair my sister and I were irritatingly stupid curious children and used the big one in our dining room to play lions at the zoo in. Fortunately when the fire was out but our mother was rather startled when she came into the room...)

Original poster
newcommer · 08/05/2011 00:01

Clar1987 thankyou for posting, i was starting to think IABU, and in a way maybe I am, but if anything did happen to DD no matter how small a chance, that would be it, I would be heartbroken, it would finish mine and DP relationship not to mention relationship with PIL. Yes chances of an accident happening is small, but obviously still there! Well have asked PIL to get one, and since they wont, then if they really want to babysit they can come to my house, and she stay over theres when she starts school!! IABU, but my daughter my rules, and if they disagree fair enough!!

OP posts:
Morloth · 08/05/2011 00:32

If you don't feel your DD is safe there (for any reason) then don't leave her there.

If you feel a fireguard is necessary for her safety then tell them they either get one or you won't be leaving her with them. Then it is their choice what to don. simple.

worraliberty · 08/05/2011 00:50

worraliberty, if the friends i saw every week didn't have a child safe home, then i would invite them to my house more often or arrange to meet somewhere else

Seriously??

See I could understand if that friend was babysitting and you weren't there, but just a visit once a week with you there?

When I visited friends who had open fires and no guards etc, we'd pull the coffee table in front of the fire or make some such temporary arrangement during the visit....remembering I'm there and so is another adult to make sure my child is ok.

echt · 08/05/2011 06:05

OP, YANBU. If a child is expected as, these are, as GCs, the the PILs should have a fireguard.

At a casual visitor, then no. By casual, I mean your elderly next-door-neighbours-who don't have-kids kind of thing.

worraliberty pushing the coffee table up the fire is fireguard.

Bazinga. :o

skybluepearl · 08/05/2011 09:23

get one off free cycle?

Ormirian · 08/05/2011 09:26

Get them one. If your child is the only reason for them tO need one you could buy it for them.

skybluepearl · 08/05/2011 09:27

yes you need a fire guard if it's a place you visit weekly. how can you relax when you will be on guard all the time, stressed about child hurting itself. we have the same issue but with keeping safe from MIL's dogs and we visit them less often and keep visits very short as a result. i'd hate anything to happen to my kids. there are other safer ways to learn that things are hot.

2littlegreenmonkeys · 08/05/2011 09:55

I can see both sides here, but I still think YABU to expect them to buy one, if you want them to use one, you but it, simples.

FWIW we have an open coal/wood burning fire and have never used a fireguard, never need to as the DD's (even DD2 who is into EVERYTHING) were always taught not to to touch and they never have. We have a spit guard so that wood sparks don't spit out and set the room alight.
My parents have 3 open coal/wood burning fires, my brother has one also. My PIL have a wood burning stove and neither of the DD's have ever touched any of them.

Best to teach DC early enough that they are not to touch something hot, although not all DC will respond the same anyway, so if you think your DC may touch anyway then YOU need to provide the fire guard.

ChristinedePizan · 08/05/2011 09:58

Fireguard - get one and take it with you. Stairgates are totally unnecessary unless you are busy doing other things.

Birdsgottafly · 08/05/2011 10:09

But the point is that accidents do happen so teaching the child to not go near the fire doesn't always work. There are very few accidents in the home that are worse than that of a burn, especially a life time disfiguring one. They are one of the most painful accidents a child can have and can have so many complications and impact on every aspect of life whilst in recovery.

I am in my fourties and i have seen more accidents from fires than i have ever seen from not using seat belts (I used to work in health care) but the same posters on here who are saying do without a fire guard call for the police to be called if they see a parent drive without using a seat belt, even just to go down the road. It does not make sense. Why would you not minimise risk in the childs home or GP's? It does not prevent teaching a child to how to behave around danger.

wotnochocs · 08/05/2011 10:11

'To all those patronizing smuggy smuggertons saying stuff like "I chose to teach my children not to do dangerous things", yeah no shit Sherlock'

You don't just tell them not to do it ,you restrain them.Keep hold of their hand, position yourself between them and the dangerous object.Yes, it's hard work for you, but you can't expect people to childproof their homes to save you the bother of constant supervision.If they are minding him, then that's a different story- and a young child's home, where you cannot be in constant close supervision, should ALWAYS have a fireguard.it's not just a question of knowing not to touch, it's trips and falls onto/into the fire too.

Birdsgottafly · 08/05/2011 10:14

Also i think it is on a par with the issue of covers over ponds in gardens, the death and accident rates are only dropping because of increased safety. Children are naturally curious and impulsive, you cannot teach them not to be. What is so wrong with increased safety? It does not have to hinder child development infact it can allow them more freedom because they can wander around the home if it is safe, you do not have to 'helicopter parent'.

umf · 08/05/2011 10:15

I'm astonished that there are people who think it's ok to have a stove burning and no fireguard.

In this particular circumstance, I'd wait until winter and then insist. They want her round more, and they'll probably be more gcs in the future. They need a fireguard.

Spagbolagain · 08/05/2011 10:30

The OP isn't just talking about somewhere they occasionally visit, in which case of course you would expect to constantly supervise, restrain where necessary and not to expect them to do any childproofing. I do not expect any friends or neighbours to make any provision for my child.

We are talking about Grandparents, who hopeful want their GC to come often, to feel relaxed and at home and to play and have fun. Maybe to babysit in their house sometimes. It's not about the "bother" of constant supervision, how ridiculous. It's about teaching your children whilst taking sensible precautions because they don't always listen.

My mum doesn't have a fireguard (gas fire). So she would never put the fire on if my child was in that room, she wouldn't dream of it. Or we would go sit in the kitchen instead. Just like she moves her glass vases off the coffee tables. As a grandparent, she wants her home to be welcoming and accommodating to her family, and safe within reason.

Kittytickle · 08/05/2011 10:31

Would you like to have mine Newcomer? If you are going anywhere near Bristol in the next few months, we have a mothercare black one with a curved top stuck in garage. DS 2 is 3 now and our fire in our new house is like a little lukewarm hairdryer so we didn't really use it.

ScroobiousPip · 08/05/2011 10:39

YANBU. I'm pretty relaxed about parenting, not too bothered by stairguards or plug covers but a fireguard on a stove is an absolute must.

Woodburners can reach incredibly high temperatures - far higher than the edges of an open fire. Accidents can and will happen however well you train your child to stay away and may well lead to horrible pain and suffering, as others have attested.

I bought my PIL a 2nd hand fireguard from an NCT sale for 12 quid. Even new they are not a lot more. Buy them one and insist that the install it before you take DD there with the burner in use.

Goblinchild · 08/05/2011 10:40

I was brought up at a time before central heating hit the lower end of the market and everyone I know had a coal fire, an ash bucket and either a coal cellar or a bunker in the back yard.
And everyone had a bloody fireguard. Many parents had the big cage ones if they had babies, and downsized when the child reached 4 or 5.
My grandmother would be shocked by some of the opinions on the thread, and she was a great one for child labour as early as possible and no cotton wool.

AuntiePickleBottom · 08/05/2011 10:52

if you want them to have one, then buy one.

Swipe left for the next trending thread