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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect PILs to get a fireguard??

118 replies

newcommer · 07/05/2011 22:02

we visit PILs for a few hours a week with our 11month DD. they have a wood burning stove in their lounge, now obviously its not in use now, but by winter DD will be running around, and as she is already into everything especially things that she is told to leave alone, AIBU to expect them to get a fireguard? Apparently I am as they are responsible grandparents, so they don't need one!

OP posts:

DuelingFanjo · 07/05/2011 22:21

Are tehy going to be looking after her?

ilovemyhens · 07/05/2011 22:23

My house was never completely child safe and neither of my two ever came to any harm apart from very minor things. They do have to learn to cope with everyday risks like squeakytoy has just pointed out.

worraliberty · 07/05/2011 22:25

YABU if you just visit for a few hours a week

Original poster

newcommer · 07/05/2011 22:30

I have offered to buy one, but they refuse, it does mean a hell of alot to me, yes after touching the fire and getting burnt, DD would probably learn not to touch it again, but kind of don't want her to be hurt in order to learn it! I do tell her no and to stay away, but i am under the assumption that small children aren't always going to do what they are told! so theres not much point asking AIBU to ask them to get a stair gate too then?? not too bad when im there with DD, but they keep hinting that they would like her to stay the night and that they would like to babysit more!! Nice in theory but i would be so worried that i wouldn't enjoy the freedom a tall!!

OP posts:

SarkyLady · 07/05/2011 22:30

Yabu and offensive.

My parents have a wood burner and no guard.
Never been a problem.
And they are very "responsible grandparents"

SarkyLady · 07/05/2011 22:31

They don't have a stair gate either. :)

FoxyRevenger · 07/05/2011 22:36

But why worry so much? Do you think they would just sit there and watch her crawl towards the fire? Don't you trust them to move her away?

I have never said this before, as it would really piss me off if someone said it to me but...I think you are being a bit PFB about this.

manticlimactic · 07/05/2011 22:38

Never had a fireguard.

My DD didn't have to touch the fire and get burnt to know it was hot and could hurt. She had to learn that fires were dangerous. I held her hand close enough to the fire so she could feel the heat and did the ''ouch, burnie' thing. Telling her no wasn't enough she had to associate the heat with the warning.

Had a stair gate though. But that was on her bedroom door to stop her coming into my room at ridiculous o'clock as the living room door to the stairs was always shut anyway.

FriedSpamButty · 07/05/2011 22:40

We never had fireguards in the two rooms where we have fires and neither did both sets of Grandparents. Oh and there were never any stair gates either.

I'm not saying that the OP is BU but fireguards and stair gates are very recent inventions. You can manage without them very easily.

Original poster

newcommer · 07/05/2011 22:42

SarkyLady it isn't my intention to be offensive, yes maybe I have caused offense, but they have also offended me, I have been their DIL for over 10 years and have pretty much never asked them for anything, then one thing i have asked from them, which does mean alot to me and wouldnt cost them anything is that if they want DD to stay in their house that they take safety precautions, and they say no

OP posts:

Tryharder · 07/05/2011 22:43

I don;t think YABU. My parents bought a fireguard for their wood burning stove. DS1 still managed to burn his hand on it a few years a back and the burn was quite bad and warranted a trip to A&E.

I don't get the attitude why should they, it's not their child, like the OP's DD is some random toddler that crawled in off the street. It's their grandchild. Surely they would do everything to make sure she is safe in their home

worraliberty · 07/05/2011 22:44

If you want them to babysit, ask them to do it at your house if you don't trust them at theirs.

Original poster

newcommer · 07/05/2011 22:46

i am appreciating the input though so keep it coming, please don't say i'm PFB though, u have to believe me i would be just as PSB, PTB, and PFB as well, i just worry, these things would be for me more than DD i realise that

OP posts:

ArcticLemming · 07/05/2011 22:48

"god knows what they did hundreds of years ago"...
One of the leading causes of death in children was from clothes catching light from fires.
I'm all for them learning, but a burn on the palm of the hand from a wood-burner could disable them for life / result in numerous surgeries.

Not sure you're entitled to expect them to do anything, but it certainly would be an issue for me in how safe I felt they were there.

edam · 07/05/2011 22:49

Of course YANBU a fireguard is just a sensible precaution. Lots of people saying 'oh, we had a real fire and never got burnt' are missing the point. Plenty of people manage to drive around perfectly safely, doesn't mean we don't need seat belts and children's car seats.

TheSecondComing · 07/05/2011 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Icoulddoitbetter · 07/05/2011 22:51

I think you're worrying about it a bit early on, but YANBU.
My DS is into everything and even turning round for a second gives him enough time to reach for /climb on something he's not supposed to. My home isn't completely childproofed, and of course I'm teaching him everyday what he should and shouldn't be doing and about consequences, but it takes time.

Fireguards and stair gates I would not compromise on. Once they can walk, they get very fast, very quickly. And adults need to go to the loo, and answer the door etc.

With my MIL, who thinks I'm way over protective, I just say please indulge me, it'll make me feel better, and she grudgingly agrees!

edam · 07/05/2011 22:51

arctic's right about leading cause of death. Clothes catching fire was the top cause of death for Victorian women, even above childbirth.

SarkyLady · 07/05/2011 22:53

Ask yourself why are they saying no.

Are they fuckwits who don't care about your lo's safety?
Or are they experienced parents who used slightly different methods when looking after their own children and don't like being told that they don't know how to keep a child safe.

pollyblue · 07/05/2011 22:54

newcommer, just read your last post and I can see why this has got to you - you feel that they're not respecting your feelings about something that could easily be resolved.

I can sympathise a bit - the only thing I've ever had a bee in my bonnet about was my Mum's v snappy dog (who bit my Mum three times). When DD1 was little I asked my Mum please to keep a close eye on DD when dog was around and on the whole she did. Then one day I left Mum, dog and DD in Mum's front room while I went to the loo, came back and found dd patting dog's head - Mum had gone into kitchen to make a cup of tea. "oh it was only for a minute," she said.......I went a little bit mad.

ArcticLemming · 07/05/2011 22:54

I've also had the minimum of safety equipment (no baby monitor, stairgates removed well before 2 years) but the risk of burns, particularly to the palms of the hands if the fall forward onto something is something I've always thought well worth considering.

pollyblue · 07/05/2011 22:55

....and they've refused your offer to buy one. Sounds like they're digging their heels in just for the sake of it.

pollyblue · 07/05/2011 22:58

Sorry, I should have said I asked my Mum to keep a close eye on her dog, not my DD (that was my job )

MillyR · 07/05/2011 23:00

We have a wood burning stove, and yes, the children have always understood that it is hot. We also had a fireguard in front of it. One day, when more fuel was being put on it, the fireguard was off. DS, just under 3, brushed against it momentarily with his upper arm. He didn't mean to go near it, just like I have sometimes got burnt when getting something out of the over, it was just an accident.

Yes, people can be taught not to go near stoves. But as an adult, if you brush against a stove, it will be your legs (and if it is cold enough to have a stove on, no doubt your clothed legs). A child is at the height where it will most likely be their face or upper body that comes . DS had a burn which required a trip to the doctors and was no doubt quite painful.

I'm sure the Victorians did manage, but then a lot of Victorian children died. It is hardly a good model of child rearing.

I don't think your PILs should get a fireguard, but I think you should fold yours up and take it with you when you visit.

Spagbolagain · 07/05/2011 23:01

YANBU if that is the room you have to sit in when you visit, especially if you have offered to pay for it.

To all those patronizing smuggy smuggertons saying stuff like "I chose to teach my children not to do dangerous things", yeah no shit Sherlock. Maybe you had the sort of child who at a year old had the temperament to listen and act accordingly. If you are blessed with the sort of toddler who dashes off without thinking and lunges headfirst into everything, it is better to take precautions, and it does not make you a bad parent. They are all different and some are more biddable than others, you are the best judge of what the risk is.

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