My friend is married and has 3 children, aged 9, 3 and a newborn baby. She hasn't worked since she had the 3 year old.
Her DH works full time, in a minimum wage job, and so they qualify for housing benefit, a small amount of council tax benefit, the usual tax credits and of course Child benefit.
Her DH says that, as he works and she doesn't, all the money is his, and everything is paid into one account, for which only he has access. He gives her a (small) amount each week for food shopping and if she needs money for anything else, such as taking the 2 youngest to toddler group, she has to ask him for money. Sometimes he says yes, sometimes no. He also logs all mileage on their car and checks when she's been out somewhere that she has only done the mileage she should have done and hasn't been anywhere else "wasting petrol".
She asked me my opinion and I said that in my opinion they are a family unit and as such all money coming into their house is theirs. Not his. And especially not money given to them by the state, for the children. He has earnt his wages, fair enough (although IMO they're not his and his alone) but the benefits are for the whole family. I wouldn't say that the children go without, but they have bags of handmedown clothes from me and from other people, and they don't get to do a lot of things such as have days out or even go to soft play or anything like that. My friend has no idea how much money they have in the bank as her husband won't tell her.
I have suggested to her that she sets up a bank account of her own and contacts tax credits and child benefit to get them paid into that account, although I'm unsure about whether they'd do that without her husband's agreement too. She would get a job but obviously she has a newborn baby and also she hasn't got any qualifications so chances are she would end up in a minimum wage job and pay all her wages on childcare. Her husband works shifts so she can't take an evening or weekend job, and she feels totally stuck.