Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To be upset by actions of next door neighbour?

58 replies

mo3g · 06/05/2011 19:00

We have lived in this house for 5 years and never had a problem with neighbour before this lady moved in and has made our life a nightmare.

She built a wall between our gardens [front] and if my dd's go near it she complains so have to warn them off when we go out in case she comes round to complain again.

She doesnt like it if we have people over that park outside our house and parks there not in drive so they have to go else where.

She had work done in her house and the builders walked through our front garden so as to not walk around her wall i didnt say anything so not to be petty.

She blocked our sky dish so had no sky for 2 days when getting the work on house done told her about it was very off with me.

She took down the fence between out back gardens again for this work and dd's couldnt play out for weeks again we never said a thing even though the scafolding was in our garden.

I hate upseting people as do get walked over but this week after i put up my washing line on my side of the fence she came round to say she didnt want it there and i had to remove it now its small just for dd's clothes i was shocked but couldnt see the problem i didnt have a chance to do anything as came home today to see she had cut it up with scissors and it was laying in bits in my garden. We live in a nice area/street and i cant work out why she is being so nasty dont know what to do as she said at the door it may damage the fence but she has a huge bush bursting throught the fence at my side from hers and that doesnt bother her wwyd thanks

OP posts:

SnuffleTurtle153 · 06/05/2011 19:30

God you poor thing, what a horrible cow. I know it's horrible to fall out with neighbours and I'm the same as you, I avoid conflict as much as poss... But it sounds as though this woman is out to provoke it and being kind and not rising to it isn't getting you anything but further grief. Are there any other neighbours that are nice, who could go with you to talk to her? Or your partner? If not, then ask a friend to go with you. Either way, you need to speak to her about what she's done as it's criminal damage and you would be perfectly within your rights to complain to the police. You must make it clear to her that she should replace the line and keep the hell out of your property or you will be contacting the police. Keep the bits of the line and make a note of every incident, including the date and time. Cos if talking to her doesn't do the trick, and she carries on being an unpleasant bint, you'll need some material to take to the police and/or local council to get her sorted out. Good luck with it and no, YANBU! x

nijinsky · 06/05/2011 19:37

She sounds like my former neighbour. Is she from Aberdeen? Constantly complained about very small things that wouldn't trouble the average person while ignoring the fact that she had some very anti-social habits herself, such as leaving all her shoes (about 10 pairs) neatly lined up outsider her front door in the communal hallway, so that all visitors had to see them when they arrrived. She complained about my storing, for 2 weeks, boxes of new kitchen parts on my landing. As soon as my new kitchen was fitted, her bath started to leak and damaged all the other properties in the building including ruining my new kitchen. She refused to admit it was coming from her flat until I lost the rag one day, went round and tore several strips out of her (not literally, just gave her a real telling off and put her in her place). After that, the insurance was sorted out, the shoes dissapeared and she is now as nice as pie. But she is, I think, slightly scared of me...

diabolo · 06/05/2011 19:41

Time to assert yourself methinks!

kw1986 · 06/05/2011 19:52

She is being a cow!

If she has so many problems with you then maybe its time to get petty and kick up a stink everytime shes doing something you don't like.

Def get her to replace the washing line! What the fuck is wrong with her???

Don't let the bitch walk all over you and make you miserable!!

hairfullofsnakes · 06/05/2011 19:58

Why why why are YOU letting her BULLY you?! Tell her to replace the line. Do you have a dh who can support you or a family member? She is doing all this for two reasons: a) she is a nasty fucking bitch and b) you are letting this happen! Please do something about it!

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 20:01

Do you want to borrow my dog? He yaps a hell of a lot and will really piss her off. Bet she has that fence up PDQ lol.

Original poster

mo3g · 06/05/2011 20:02

Thanks for the advise i am a wimp always have been this woman is a strong assertive woman that in her day was the sister of a ward in a hospital really old school she makes my heart miss a beat when i see her but most of the time will ignore me anyway. My dh would speak to her had to stop him earlier because he will shout and i dont want things any worse i really wish i was stronger

OP posts:

bubblecoral · 06/05/2011 20:05

If you won't stick up for yourself, why on earth are you stopping dh doing it? It's his house too! Tell him you've changed your mind and let him go for it.

It won't make things worse, it will make her think twice about being such a vile bitch.

ChippingIn · 06/05/2011 20:07

I'd let DH shout.

Well, actually I wouldn't as I would have been telling her to feck off before now... (I'm no less gobby forthright IRL).

...but in your situation I would let DH shout.

FabbyChic · 06/05/2011 20:09

Let your DH speak to her, it has gone far enough, if you keep allowing her to shit on you she will continue.

moomaa · 06/05/2011 20:10

Ok, lots of stuff there. She sounds very difficult to get on with.

I think you have to sort the big issues from the small ones:

"She built a wall between our gardens [front] and if my dd's go near it she complains so have to warn them off when we go out in case she comes round to complain again." - Are they on or touching the wall? If so, keep them away. If they are not tell her politely they can go where they like in their own garden. Not a big one.

"She doesnt like it if we have people over that park outside our house and parks there not in drive so they have to go else where." - Irritating but she can park where she likes. How does she know that visitors are due and to park on the road, not her drive?

"She had work done in her house and the builders walked through our front garden so as to not walk around her wall i didnt say anything so not to be petty." - Tell them to get out!

"She blocked our sky dish so had no sky for 2 days when getting the work on house done told her about it was very off with me." - On purpose or by accident? What kind of work? Was it avoidable?

"She took down the fence between out back gardens again for this work and dd's couldnt play out for weeks again we never said a thing even though the scafolding was in our garden." - Is it her fence? If it is her fence she can do what she likes, ultimate would be to put up your own fence on your side of the boundary although that seems silly. I assume they could play out with supervision? She shouldn't have scaffolding in your garden without permission. I think you should check what your rights are there. You could go down the route of telling her to remove it.

Cutting your line down - that is a biggie, she came onto your land and caused damage, I think you should ask her to replace it and if she won't tell her you will call the Police and follow through. I guess the issue was fixing something to her fence - maybe you should put your own up.

Mum and Dad quite amicably had double fence with one very picky neighbour at their old house. Mum and Dadthought it was odd that they put it up, but each to their own.

mossi · 06/05/2011 20:11

I would write her a letter saying if she trespasses on your property again or damages your property, or erects scaffolding without your permission, you will be taking legal action. I would then write down the times and dates that she's done these things, and take pictures.

If she does anything like this again, I would be straight down the police station making a report.

Do not try to be kind and neighbourly to this person. She will not understand kindness. She is bonkers.

I have a neighbour a bit like yours but not quite so bad. She likes nobody to park in the street (in case her daughters come to visit and have nowhere to park). She didn't like where we put our washing line (in our garden). I ignored her on that one - it's our garden after all. She thought we should buy a new fence - so started to destroy the existing one - we fixed it and put all the rotten bits of wood she nailed on our side back over the fence.

The only thing people like this understand is fighting back. I would actually consider getting a letter from a solicitor in your case - it might stop her in her tracks.

Mine has backed down a lot since we fought back.

Terraviva · 06/05/2011 20:18

YANBU

This is where we need a [panda] icon!

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 20:29

She will understand shouting. She's a bully. Let your DH loose on her. And whilst the fence is down I'd have as many of your DDs friends over to play as possible. And give them water guns and stuff like that to play with

Make it so she wants to put the fence back up. And leave you alone.

mossi · 06/05/2011 20:32

PS my neighbour currently has my front door scaffolded up for her "beautiful" extension and has put our garden and house out of bounds for visitors for the next 3 months. It's very difficult to keep balance with a neighbour like this.

I try to evaluate things in terms of what would be my reaction with a pleasant neighbour - and I react in those terms. So that I don't start to feel like I've lost the plot.

But cutting up your washing line - that goes beyond acceptable.

NellieForbush · 06/05/2011 20:45

What everyone else says. She's a bully and is taking advantage of you because you haven't stood up to her.

You know she has no right to have her scaffolding on your property?

Reiterate, contacting police and council. Let her know you mean business.

nunnyfickname · 06/05/2011 20:48

sorry to hear about all the problems with your neighbour. It might be worth seeing if your local council has a 'neighbour' dispute team. most councils do.

They can advise you on how best to deal with things if you are worried about a confrontation or making matters worse by talking to her.

I think YANBU, clearly this woman is a bit mad, esp with the washing line is it a shared fence? an old neighbour of mine cut my washing line off the fence and complained to the landlord. turns out despite the LL having replaced the fence, it was 'her' side,she still shouldn't have cut it off though imo,asking politely would have worked!)

I hope you can get this sorted soon, and remember to keep your cool, she is the one in the wrong, not you.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 06/05/2011 20:49

Time to release your inner bitch. No more Ms. Nice. A serious word should be had with plenty of hard stares.

Goblinchild · 06/05/2011 20:51

I agree with a lot of the advice on here, but I wanted to add something extra.
It's not just about you when you let someone else treat you like a doormat countless times. It's also about your daughter and the kind of girl you want her to grow up to be. You are her role model, the main female in her life.
Do you want her to be malleable, bullied, apologetic, scared and unhappy because she thinks that nice people don't fuss?
Or do you want her to grow up despising you because she sees you as feeble and someone who can be pushed around?

MorticiaAddams · 06/05/2011 21:05

She's a bully and will only get worse if you don't stand up to her. I know you find it difficult but unless you want it to continue then you have to find it in yourself.

Is the wall on her garden? If so she is entitled to not want your dc on it but they can go near it and right up to it on your side of the garden.

Likewise who does the fence belong to? If it's hers then she was within her rights to take it down and not want your washing line attached to it but she shouldn't have snipped it. Either buy a rotary line or attach it to something else.

With the parking, there's nothing you can do. She pays her road tax and has just as much right to park there as anyone else even if it is for petty reasons.

The building work you or your dh should have said something at the time and it's too late. I would have let him go and shout at her, somebody needs to. She sounds a right nasty piece of work.

minibmw2010 · 06/05/2011 21:09

Seriously, stop being such a wimp, this is your home !!! Your DH's home and your child's home ... why on earth are you allowing this woman to rule you like this ? Let your DH shout ... its clearly what she understands. Bullies only react to force unfortunately.

HRHPrincessZombiePlan · 06/05/2011 21:12

This woman thinks she can treat you like a doormat because she has been getting away with doing exactly that. You've allowed her to dictate things to you that frankly are completely unreasonable. Time to stand up for yourself. Either call the police or send her a solicitors letter about the washing line (don't just have a chat with her, that's effectively letting her get away with trespass and criminal damage, get it all formally documented and scare the crap out of her to boot). And if she tries any of her other crap on you, just tell her to stuff it (apart from the parking, I suppose - she is entitled to park wherever she likes on a public road, even if she's only doing it to be an almighty pita). Like goblinchild says, time to give your daughter a clear lesson in how not to be a victim of bullying.

activate · 06/05/2011 21:13

she doesn't own the side of the fence / wall in your property

she has no right to cut anything that isn't hanging over her property

you need to speak to her and tell her it has gone far enough and you've been accomodating so far in the spirit of neighbourliness but enough is enough

ChippingIn · 06/05/2011 21:25

She does own the other side of the fence/wall if she has paid for it and it's within her boundary.

Putting the line on the fence wasn't a good idea - even if the clothes are only light... but she asked you to take it down and you said you would - she should have given you a few days to do it.

SuchProspects · 06/05/2011 21:30

OP you say "I hate upseting people as do get walked over". But really this is you hate upseting people so do get walked over. Your daughter sees this everyday |(and has suffered because of it already). Don't let this neighbour-bully ruin more of your daughter's childhood or your family life. Do what it takes to learn to stand up for yourself and your family. Bite the bullet and tell her she is out of line. Or get your DH to do so. Or take an assertiveness class and build up your skill set and confidence. You don't have to be rude and shouty (thought that works if it's the only way you can mange) but you do need to stand up for yourself and your family. Life is too short.

Flip

1 2 3