To be upset by actions of next door neighbour?

[mo3g]

We have lived in this house for 5 years and never had a problem with neighbour before this lady moved in and has made our life a nightmare.

She built a wall between our gardens [front] and if my dd's go near it she complains so have to warn them off when we go out in case she comes round to complain again.

She doesnt like it if we have people over that park outside our house and parks there not in drive so they have to go else where.

She had work done in her house and the builders walked through our front garden so as to not walk around her wall i didnt say anything so not to be petty.

She blocked our sky dish so had no sky for 2 days when getting the work on house done told her about it was very off with me.

She took down the fence between out back gardens again for this work and dd's couldnt play out for weeks again we never said a thing even though the scafolding was in our garden.

I hate upseting people as do get walked over but this week after i put up my washing line on my side of the fence she came round to say she didnt want it there and i had to remove it now its small just for dd's clothes i was shocked but couldnt see the problem i didnt have a chance to do anything as came home today to see she had cut it up with scissors and it was laying in bits in my garden. We live in a nice area/street and i cant work out why she is being so nasty dont know what to do as she said at the door it may damage the fence but she has a huge bush bursting throught the fence at my side from hers and that doesnt bother her wwyd thanks

[RunAwayWife]

Wow she is a mad bitch.

Go round and tell her if she damages your thinks again you will smack her silly report her to the police. Also stop letting her walk all over you.

Do not let her workman on you property, you have the right to refuse them entry.
Cut the bush that is on your side of the fence and chuck it back over.

[nunnyfickname]

maybe she parks on the street because she is incapable of reversing like me

good luck for tomorrow, let us know what happens! make sure you video it

I am with Needanewname mass pom bear throwing and children standing near the wall should resolve the issue

[ledkr]

dont expect to have too much of a civilised convo with her as she sounds bonkers. If you find it hard to talk to her face to face you could always put it in a letter,she is a bully tho,you can tell her that and that she's lucky she doesnt live by someone a little less passive-like me

[mo3g]

And she just parks in the street all the time so no one else can ??

She took down the fence so the scafolding could be put up and there was not enough room in her garden to build it so used ours, she did remove it and have the fence put back up she was having the roof done.

[mo3g]

Thanks everyone, have had a chance to think about it and i do agree with some posters who say maybe i should not have had a washing line attached to a shared fence it is a solid double panelled fance and been there years never had a problem till she moved in maybe i do need to get a pole to attach it to but what she did cutting it down was wrong and i will get a grip and have a chat with her tomorrow will be as nice as possible but will let her know that is not on, I have 3 dd's and they are all strong confident little girls take after dh i think but yes those of you that said what example am i setting are quite right that has struck a cord with me i am going to do it and will post back when done will be tomorrow as to late now wish me luck.

[Needanewname]

Stop letting her walk all over you!!!!

Why is scaffolding for her property in your garden?

Why did she take down the fence?

WTF does it have to do with her you hanging washing out in your garden?

I would love to come and visit you and park outside your house, would love her to come and challenge me! Where abouts are you, maybe we could all come and visit at the same time [eveil grin]

Its not about you upsetting her, its about her respecting you and your property.

Also what example is this setting to your dauguhter about accepting other peoples attitudes.

You need to get some replies in your head for things you know will happen, practise them and say them to her as and when needed (i.e this is a public road, anyone can park anywhere, you destroy any of my property again, I will contact the police, you don;t ever talk to my daughter like that do you understand etc, etc, etc)

Theres another thread at the moment with a woman driver (maybe its your neighbour!) who has bullied her way through the roads, the mnetter (kind of) confronted her and all is now good. Seriously you will feel better for it.

[ItsCHEEKYTime]

I'd post the cut up washing line in an envelope with a note saying
'Please do not destroy My property, please replace this or i shall take it further'

[NickRobinsonsloveslave]

First, get rid of the scaffolding on YOUR property.
Stop parking your car on your driveway, park it in front of your house and let your visitors park on your driveway (we had this problem too but solved it by doing this).
Then g round to her house and give her a good slap.
Talk about taking the piss.

[SuchProspects]

OP you say "I hate upseting people as do get walked over". But really this is you hate upseting people so do get walked over. Your daughter sees this everyday |(and has suffered because of it already). Don't let this neighbour-bully ruin more of your daughter's childhood or your family life. Do what it takes to learn to stand up for yourself and your family. Bite the bullet and tell her she is out of line. Or get your DH to do so. Or take an assertiveness class and build up your skill set and confidence. You don't have to be rude and shouty (thought that works if it's the only way you can mange) but you do need to stand up for yourself and your family. Life is too short.

[ChippingIn]

She does own the other side of the fence/wall if she has paid for it and it's within her boundary.

Putting the line on the fence wasn't a good idea - even if the clothes are only light... but she asked you to take it down and you said you would - she should have given you a few days to do it.

[activate]

she doesn't own the side of the fence / wall in your property

she has no right to cut anything that isn't hanging over her property

you need to speak to her and tell her it has gone far enough and you've been accomodating so far in the spirit of neighbourliness but enough is enough

[HRHPrincessZombiePlan]

This woman thinks she can treat you like a doormat because she has been getting away with doing exactly that. You've allowed her to dictate things to you that frankly are completely unreasonable. Time to stand up for yourself. Either call the police or send her a solicitors letter about the washing line (don't just have a chat with her, that's effectively letting her get away with trespass and criminal damage, get it all formally documented and scare the crap out of her to boot). And if she tries any of her other crap on you, just tell her to stuff it (apart from the parking, I suppose - she is entitled to park wherever she likes on a public road, even if she's only doing it to be an almighty pita). Like goblinchild says, time to give your daughter a clear lesson in how not to be a victim of bullying.

[minibmw2010]

Seriously, stop being such a wimp, this is your home !!! Your DH's home and your child's home ... why on earth are you allowing this woman to rule you like this ? Let your DH shout ... its clearly what she understands. Bullies only react to force unfortunately.

[MorticiaAddams]

She's a bully and will only get worse if you don't stand up to her. I know you find it difficult but unless you want it to continue then you have to find it in yourself.

Is the wall on her garden? If so she is entitled to not want your dc on it but they can go near it and right up to it on your side of the garden.

Likewise who does the fence belong to? If it's hers then she was within her rights to take it down and not want your washing line attached to it but she shouldn't have snipped it. Either buy a rotary line or attach it to something else.

With the parking, there's nothing you can do. She pays her road tax and has just as much right to park there as anyone else even if it is for petty reasons.

The building work you or your dh should have said something at the time and it's too late. I would have let him go and shout at her, somebody needs to. She sounds a right nasty piece of work.

[Goblinchild]

I agree with a lot of the advice on here, but I wanted to add something extra.
It's not just about you when you let someone else treat you like a doormat countless times. It's also about your daughter and the kind of girl you want her to grow up to be. You are her role model, the main female in her life.
Do you want her to be malleable, bullied, apologetic, scared and unhappy because she thinks that nice people don't fuss?
Or do you want her to grow up despising you because she sees you as feeble and someone who can be pushed around?

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

Time to release your inner bitch. No more Ms. Nice. A serious word should be had with plenty of hard stares.

[nunnyfickname]

sorry to hear about all the problems with your neighbour. It might be worth seeing if your local council has a 'neighbour' dispute team. most councils do.

They can advise you on how best to deal with things if you are worried about a confrontation or making matters worse by talking to her.

I think YANBU, clearly this woman is a bit mad, esp with the washing line is it a shared fence? an old neighbour of mine cut my washing line off the fence and complained to the landlord. turns out despite the LL having replaced the fence, it was 'her' side,she still shouldn't have cut it off though imo,asking politely would have worked!)

I hope you can get this sorted soon, and remember to keep your cool, she is the one in the wrong, not you.

[NellieForbush]

What everyone else says. She's a bully and is taking advantage of you because you haven't stood up to her.

You know she has no right to have her scaffolding on your property?

Reiterate, contacting police and council. Let her know you mean business.

[mossi]

PS my neighbour currently has my front door scaffolded up for her "beautiful" extension and has put our garden and house out of bounds for visitors for the next 3 months. It's very difficult to keep balance with a neighbour like this.

I try to evaluate things in terms of what would be my reaction with a pleasant neighbour - and I react in those terms. So that I don't start to feel like I've lost the plot.

But cutting up your washing line - that goes beyond acceptable.

[SarahStratton]

She will understand shouting. She's a bully. Let your DH loose on her. And whilst the fence is down I'd have as many of your DDs friends over to play as possible. And give them water guns and stuff like that to play with

Make it so she wants to put the fence back up. And leave you alone.

[Terraviva]

YANBU

This is where we need a [panda] icon!

[mossi]

I would write her a letter saying if she trespasses on your property again or damages your property, or erects scaffolding without your permission, you will be taking legal action. I would then write down the times and dates that she's done these things, and take pictures.

If she does anything like this again, I would be straight down the police station making a report.

Do not try to be kind and neighbourly to this person. She will not understand kindness. She is bonkers.

I have a neighbour a bit like yours but not quite so bad. She likes nobody to park in the street (in case her daughters come to visit and have nowhere to park). She didn't like where we put our washing line (in our garden). I ignored her on that one - it's our garden after all. She thought we should buy a new fence - so started to destroy the existing one - we fixed it and put all the rotten bits of wood she nailed on our side back over the fence.

The only thing people like this understand is fighting back. I would actually consider getting a letter from a solicitor in your case - it might stop her in her tracks.

Mine has backed down a lot since we fought back.

[moomaa]

Ok, lots of stuff there. She sounds very difficult to get on with.

I think you have to sort the big issues from the small ones:

"She built a wall between our gardens [front] and if my dd's go near it she complains so have to warn them off when we go out in case she comes round to complain again." - Are they on or touching the wall? If so, keep them away. If they are not tell her politely they can go where they like in their own garden. Not a big one.

"She doesnt like it if we have people over that park outside our house and parks there not in drive so they have to go else where." - Irritating but she can park where she likes. How does she know that visitors are due and to park on the road, not her drive?

"She had work done in her house and the builders walked through our front garden so as to not walk around her wall i didnt say anything so not to be petty." - Tell them to get out!

"She blocked our sky dish so had no sky for 2 days when getting the work on house done told her about it was very off with me." - On purpose or by accident? What kind of work? Was it avoidable?

"She took down the fence between out back gardens again for this work and dd's couldnt play out for weeks again we never said a thing even though the scafolding was in our garden." - Is it her fence? If it is her fence she can do what she likes, ultimate would be to put up your own fence on your side of the boundary although that seems silly. I assume they could play out with supervision? She shouldn't have scaffolding in your garden without permission. I think you should check what your rights are there. You could go down the route of telling her to remove it.

Cutting your line down - that is a biggie, she came onto your land and caused damage, I think you should ask her to replace it and if she won't tell her you will call the Police and follow through. I guess the issue was fixing something to her fence - maybe you should put your own up.

Mum and Dad quite amicably had double fence with one very picky neighbour at their old house. Mum and Dadthought it was odd that they put it up, but each to their own.

[FabbyChic]

Let your DH speak to her, it has gone far enough, if you keep allowing her to shit on you she will continue.

[ChippingIn]

I'd let DH shout.

Well, actually I wouldn't as I would have been telling her to feck off before now... (I'm no less gobby forthright IRL).

...but in your situation I would let DH shout.