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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think most mumsnetters advocate divorce/separation rather than stay and fight?

78 replies

thiswilldofornow · 05/05/2011 21:56

Obviously I have name changed and am braced for a right royal flaming but....

I can't think of a single relationships thread I have read where the majority of responses are not to "sling him out on his ear". Sometimes, posters are going so far as to add details that weren't there in the initial or subsequent op posts and make the situation appear hopeless.

It's always the same, he is scum, she should boot him out and keep the house.

So, my question, aibu to think the majority of mnetters are man hating divorcees?

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 05/05/2011 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZillahWhoDrankTooMuchGin · 05/05/2011 22:04

I am neither man hating nor a divorcee...

...but if you can't rely on Mumsnet to tell you he's a cheating bastard or freeloading wanker or someone who hates your kids and who will never change - who can you rely on?

Between us we have been there and done that.......

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 22:04

stay and "fight" what exactly ?

"fight" against a partner who is treating you badly ?

"fight" singlehandedly to save a relationship that has been decimated by a cheater ?

what is this "fighting" of which you speak ?

relationships are supposed to be aggressive, difficult, soul-destroying states of mind

if they are, don' "fight" to stay in one

preserve yourself, your self-respect and the healhy mindset of your children by cutting loose and finding someone else who doesn't make it a "fight"

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 22:04

are not supposed to be aggressive, difficult etc Blush

Original poster
thiswilldofornow · 05/05/2011 22:05

I'm not actually looking for a bun fight. I have just noticed several threads where the op is looking for advice to save a relationship and over half the posts tell her not to bother.

I think its really sad.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 22:05

I am not a man-hating divorcee either

I don't even know any man-hating divorcees

DoMeDon · 05/05/2011 22:05

Everything AF said

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 22:07

I think it's really sad when people stay in relationships that they are forced to "fight" for, particularly when it is utterly obvious it is all one-sided and a completeley useless and soul-destroying waste of self respect

Pagwatch · 05/05/2011 22:07

Happily married 21 years actually.

You are talking nonsense when you say most mumsnetters think x

You are a mumsnetter. Are you a man hating divorcee?

If you are going to post seeking a ruck at least have the integrity to do it under your usual name. I hate that weak ass shit.

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 22:08

OP, could you define what you mean by "staying and fighting" please

BeerTricksPotter · 05/05/2011 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
thiswilldofornow · 05/05/2011 22:11

Perhaps I should clarify, the threads begin with a list of events, nothing concrete, maybe a suspicion or behaviour that has irked the op/made them jump to assumptions. Within a very short space of time, the situation has been worsened and made insurmountable by mners. Many who use the - to write unfounded suspicions. Is it not possible that the man in question is (at least sometimes) only guilty of thoughtlessness or naivity?

OP posts:
DoMeDon · 05/05/2011 22:11

Could you post links to just one of the threads where OP is desperate to save a realtionship and she gets 'leave the twat'? I have seen some with denial about the reality of the relationship as they do not want to face the sad truth.

ledkr · 05/05/2011 22:13

I dont feel the need to "fight" for a decent relationship and respect,it should just happen,cant be fighting for stuff like that at my age.

what have you done with Peter Andre?

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 22:13

OP, do you believe that anybody has been talked into leaving their husband by posts on MN ?

if they weren't already at that point ?

do you have so little respect for the intelligence of MN posters ?

are you projecting your own easily-led and suggestible personality into the mix here ?

candleshoe · 05/05/2011 22:13

I have often toyed with the idea of posting about my complex and long running marital problems on here and asking for advice - but I was put off - because I don't want the 'just leave him' answers.

I believed in and meant my marriage vows and so that wouldn't be an option for me unless I was actually in danger physically or something.

I think YANBU - Mners think divorce and seperation is the only valid answer.

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 22:14

ledkr, he is under the patio on holiday down-under

Didyouever · 05/05/2011 22:16

I've noticed if a man leaves a marriage he's a wanker.
If a woman wants to leave it's ok as she's entitled to be happy.

LegoStuckinMyhoover · 05/05/2011 22:17

do you mean stay and fight in front of the kids? Hmm

BeerTricksPotter · 05/05/2011 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 22:20

where have you noticed that, DYE ?

why haven't you "noticed" the threads where a man is getting support when his female partner is taking the piss ?

there was one just the other day where some blokes partner had fucked off with their baby...he got loads of consructive and kind advice

did you miss that ?

admittedly those hreads are fewer in number, but all that proves is that this is a female-predominant site

but we know that already, don't we ?

Original poster
thiswilldofornow · 05/05/2011 22:20

I do post my opinion. And I know that people are free to think for themselves. But, these posts are written from a fragile state of mind and that makes, from my own experience only, a person easily swayed by general consensus.

I did say most, not all. And those of you responding to this are not the ones I had in mind when writing this. Not that that makes any difference.

By stay and fight (a simple figure of speech, no more), I meant try talking to Dh, counselling maybe? Maybe I am not looking at the right threads but few people seem suggest these routes. Why is fighting for love so off the table these days?

OP posts:
FreudianSlipper · 05/05/2011 22:21

i passionately dislike women being in abusive relationships and would urge any women to get out and move on why because i have been there and know how utterly miserable and soul destroying it is to be with a man like that

to work out your problems is something different and at times relationships can survive an affair, a bad patch but if he has crushed her by cheating lying and making her feel bad and putting the blame in her why on earth would i be giving advice to someone to stay with their partner who shows them no respect

and yes i am divorced and no i do not hate men but i am well aware that there are many men out there that are controlling and abusive, victims of society themselves some might say what ever the reason there is far far too much abuse going on especially toward women and children

DoMeDon · 05/05/2011 22:21

IME I was given 'save yourself' type advice. I can only go on what I have seen and experienced on MN. If anyone is advised to get out by the majority it is for good reason. The opposite advice is sometimes the 'he didn't mean it/can't help it cos he's a man' type piffle which I think is much worse.

pigletmania · 05/05/2011 22:22

YABVU if there is abuse or violence than yes I would advocate leaving, why should you put up with shit. Obviously if the relationship is making the person very unhappy they should leave, life it too short.

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