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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think most mumsnetters advocate divorce/separation rather than stay and fight?

78 replies

thiswilldofornow · 05/05/2011 21:56

Obviously I have name changed and am braced for a right royal flaming but....

I can't think of a single relationships thread I have read where the majority of responses are not to "sling him out on his ear". Sometimes, posters are going so far as to add details that weren't there in the initial or subsequent op posts and make the situation appear hopeless.

It's always the same, he is scum, she should boot him out and keep the house.

So, my question, aibu to think the majority of mnetters are man hating divorcees?

OP posts:

ledkr · 05/05/2011 22:22

Having left a long marriage with my 4 chikdren when my ex h decided to shag someone else i can honestly say although not in danger physiaclly i was in danger of compromising my self worth,sanity,mental well being and my dc's overview of relationships. The reason so many women on here advocate leaving a painfull failing relationship is that many have done and found it only enhanced theirs and their childrens lives,thank god we now live in a society where we have that choice.

ib · 05/05/2011 22:22

It's not that most mners advocate it, it's just that there's a cohort of ones who are like that that dominate the relationships threads and no-one else can be bothered to argue with them.

Bit like the feminism section. Only post if you are prepared to say that the man in question (or all men for the feminism section) is evil/abusive/not worth it or if you want to be shouted down.

Most of us get bored of it after the first few times.

And what zillah said.

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 22:22

counselling is pretty widely-suggested, OP

I dunno what threads you have been reading, tbh

BeerTricksPotter · 05/05/2011 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 22:27

overly-dramatic claptrap

perhaps you are on the wrong thread, OP

there is a "soulmate" thread going on

perhaps you shoul be posting there about how women should ignore bad treatment as long as the shit of a bloke is their "soulmate"

this romantic twaddle keeps women down in society, can't you see that ?

women's place is "to fight for her man (no matter from how high he shits on her)"

fuck that

Pagwatch · 05/05/2011 22:30

BeerTricks

I think you will find it is her royal blandness Cheryl Cole who thinks we have to fight fight fight fir this love.

And that worked out well as I recall

Original poster

thiswilldofornow · 05/05/2011 22:30

BeerTricks. No. Alas, I am not, maybe a daydreamer sometimes and an optimist always.

I obviously am not referring to the abusive partners threads. As I believe I mentioned earlier, those where there are suppositions and suspicions that something might be going on/have happened. And I will not link to other threads. Partly because I don't think that's fair, but mostly because I'm not sure how, having never tried.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 22:31

Pag, ain't you read Heat mag this week ?

they are "fighting for their love" again...

allegedly

DuelingFanjo · 05/05/2011 22:32

YABU. In all the cases I have read about the spouse has been a rotten cheating bastard, a cocklodger or an abuser. What's to work out?

nailak · 05/05/2011 22:32

yanbu i think people too easily ive the advice to leave on here

BeerTricksPotter · 05/05/2011 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 05/05/2011 22:33

Noooo

She is really dim isn't she? That and making will I am her manager. not sure which is the worst decision

Mumcentreplus · 05/05/2011 22:33

I'm not in the sling anyone out on their ear camp..facts are there are no real 'facts' online..just the opinion of one person on one side of an arguement...no person should accept ridicule or disrespect as part and parcel of a relationship..that in turn does not mean you must automatically leave if your partner expresses their opinion badly or thoughtlessly..it's all about communication some are better than others...

BeerTricksPotter · 05/05/2011 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReindeerBollocks · 05/05/2011 22:35

YABVU, people on MN can only assess based on the information they are given.

If it really is terribly abusive and nasty what would you expect people to say?

I find people on MN far more tolerant than most, but they will be honest. I think that's a good thing.

Pagwatch · 05/05/2011 22:35

Bonnie did knock out a belter of a tune.
It's true

I am pretty vintage myself.
Definitely vinyl.

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 22:35

OP, make your mind up which threads you are talking about

in your Op you say "I can't think a single relationships thread where the majority of responses is to sling him out....etc"

which is it ?

all the relationships threads...or just some of those you can't remember and can't link to ?

DingDongMerrilyOutOfSeason · 05/05/2011 22:36

relationships are supposed to be aggressive, difficult, soul-destroying states of mind

AF I am so glad you came back and corrected yourself, I though hell had frozen over and you had decided that if a relationship wasn't difficult, it wasn't worth having

OP YABU simply because if something needs fighting for it is obviously hard work. A relationship should be fun, fulfilling and serve a purpose. If you are not happy in a relationship why would you stay? And if you are flinging around accusations and are suspicious of your partner, that sounds like hard work. Despite the 'truth' about the suspicions, you must have already lost a lot of trust. If your partner has done nothing wrong but you are going to spend your life blaming him for your insecurities, that is as good a reason to leave as if he had done something wrong.

Again, not a man-hater (well, not all men, some I can do without) or a divorcee.

Mumcentreplus · 05/05/2011 22:38

and ultimately it's up to 'you' no one else can judge your relationship or what you choose to do..

xstitch · 05/05/2011 22:38

I can honestly say the only men I hate are my XH and his dad and brother and I have good reason. I would only be advocating someone getting out if the relationship was abusive.

If on the other hand their DP had just been a plonker about something I would be suggesting she actually explain why she is upset with and talk about it etc.

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 22:39

when she twatted the black toilet attendant, that was quite a poor decision

doesn't seem to have done her any harm though...

did anyone see the young lady interviewed as part of the RW coverage who said, when asked did she think Catherine looked beautiful, "She's way up there, innit, up there with Cheryl Cole"

ffs

Original poster

thiswilldofornow · 05/05/2011 22:40

SG, I won't link because I see it as unfair to the op, who is asking for help, and I will not use them as an example.

I conveniently "forgot" about the abusive threads in my op because honestly, I thought that was obvious it suited me. I have since amended that, is it a crime?

OP posts:

Pagwatch · 05/05/2011 22:42

at right up there with Cheryl.

Mumcentreplus · 05/05/2011 22:42

Sorry but hard work does not equate giving up in my book..if I left my children to be brought up by the opinions and attitudes of popular opinion then more fool me..it's hard work challenging those opinions and making them think differently from popular opinion..should i give up?

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 22:43

I died a little bit more after that, pag

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