To be annoyed Grandparents cut DS's hair?

[DoesBuggerAll]

Grandparents looked after DS today. When they dropped him back home we saw that they had taken him to the barber. He had such a lovely mop of blond hair and now he has a short back and sides. We were furious but bit our tongues. I think it's totally out of order to do such a thing, especially as DS has never had his hair cut yet (he's just turned 2). What do you all think?

Thanks everyone. We will be making our displeasure clear and we won't be taking DS round to visit for a while that's for sure. Perhaps when they start missing him a bit they will realise just how wrong they were to do this.

I think it's quite funny, actually. It's hair that grows back, not a tattoo or a piercing. At least they took him to a barbers rather than getting out the pudding basin and clippers. They probably thought they were saving you a job. BTW... it would be childish & extremely nasty of you to withdraw contact with their grandchild just because you're annoyed. Be assertive, not vindictive.

YANBU.

I think it is a decision to be made by you and DH as to whether he has his haircut or not. I would have been furious.

Are you going to talk to them about it? Or making your displeasure clear by absence? If they are dim enough to think they have the right to make decisions about your DS then they may not realise that you aren't making contact because of this, iyswim.

Don't just avoid DS seeing them without explaining your feelings!

Don't use your DS as ammunition to show your displeasure. Be the adults - tell them! I can certainly understand not giving them sole charge of him again until you can trust them not to overstep the mark like that - but not just keeping him away 'until they miss him'. That's using your child.

How is it funny? It's so wrong!! YADNBU for you. This is such controlling behaviour.

YANBU. My ILs have made a few comments about the length of DS's hair but would never do this.

It would be wrong to keep DS from them, although I can appreciate you wouldn't trust them to have him without you there for a while.

Oh we'll not break off contact but TBH we're just so annoyed that we don't feel like going to visit for a while until we've cooled down. We will be telling them but don't want to cause a family breakdown over it. Like someone else said it is hair and will grow back but they do need to know that they just can't go and do stuff like this again.

It's funny because I can see how the thought processes went. Child has a massive mop of blond hair. It's warm weather. The grandparents think the child would be feel/look better with less hair, think they'll be saving mum and dad the bother, and pop along to the barbers with child. They made a mistake by not putting a call in first to ask if it was OK but the reaction is quite OTT... keeping the child hostage until the evil grandparents learn their lesson? Unless they are in the habit of doing terrible things to their grandchildren this sounds more like thoughtlessness than malice. And should be treated accordingly.

I would have burst into tears the moment I set eyes on him. I hate short hair on anybody, and wouldn't have been able to hide that.

I actually would have preferred to find his ear had been pierced. At least you can remove that immediately and treat it quickly. A haircut you'd have to look at every day for months as a constant reminder of the betrayal.

This is nowhere in sight of being unreasonable. It's really really annoying. I do understand why you both bit your tongue though. I hate any kind of conflict and would prefer to wait a while, calm down a bit and then say something. Is this the first time they've overstepped the mark?

Don't think I'd have bitten my tongue - that's so unacceptable.

I'd have been furious!
I choose for my 2 yo Ds to have longer hair, My Dad is always saying 'get his hair cut' and when I did have more than normal cut off I had lots of comments on how 'he looks like a proper boy now'

People also comment about him having long hair in the summer, I don't cut Dd's hair in the summer, so if she can manage so can Ds!

You really should say something, it is a step too far IMO.

I'd have burst into tears on the spot. I got upset at having to cut DD's fringe when it was flapping in her eyes

YANBU. You can get your own back, btw. Just drop it into the conversation that you think bald old people look really cool and you can't understand why they don't shave them in old people's homes, and how when your parents/ILs are old, you'd be happy to do it for them ...

When I was a teenager (in the late seventies when men had long hair and looked like gods), I went round to my grandparents' house to show off my new boyfriend. My grandmother was in the kitchen having her hair cut. I went to the loo and when I came back downstairs, my boyfriend's head was bare. Naked. The poor lad hadn't liked to refuse. Trouble was, I really went off him after that ...

YADNBU My (ex)DP took DS for his hair cutting when he had him for the weekend. DS was 2 and had blonde curly hair, he had never had it cut and it was beautiful. He dropped him off at my (now)MIL as he had a party to go to and she rang me and told me his hair had all gone. He had short back and sides and his curls have never really grown back I went mad at ex and he told me he now 'looked like a little boy' arsehole (we usually get on so well). Tell them!

I'd be furious as it's not their decision to make and not their child.

Mellow, I have a son with hair like a god, right down to his waist and when he grows a beard, he looks like a viking.

I would be bucking as well. I suspect that MIL was trimming DD's fringe last year because I was growing it out and, while the rest of her hair grew like fury, her fringe took all year to grow to her ears. I had no proof though so couldn't accuse them, but I knew and she knew I knew.

As for no big deal, hair grows back blah blah, that's not the bloody point!

I totally agree, but honestly am guilty of wanting to cut my neice's hair a lot. Her hair is very long (down to her bum) and she is only 4 so it is constantly in her eyes, dinner, you name it. It's so long that it sometimes gets trapped in her waistband! And because it is quite curly at the bottom, she hates having it brushed as even sleeping causes a big knot in the morning. Her father apparently, is the one who has decided that she can't have it cut and honestly I think that is more about her 'being his little princess' than it is about what is fair or right for her. The poor thing has constantly knotty manic hair and all I can think is not how pretty it is, but how much she could do with a nice, easy to maintain, bob.

AIBU, aren't I? I would never do go and take her for a hair cut though.. I wouldn't want to risk my life!

Suggest plaiting it before she goes to bed.

Pop psychology alert: amazing how symbolic hair is.

That's not BU Fantastic. I actually don't like very long hair on little girls, it's often quite rats-taily and makes their heads look big.

Fantastic I was that little girl. I would have loved someone to have chopped my hair for me, although the fallout with my mum would have been horrendous for them and me, so I understand why you shouldn't. You're not being unreasonable to think like that, though.

Plaiting it for her is a decent compromise, so it's out of the way.

Quenelle, I've often thought about starting a thread about parents, DCs, hair and the symbolism and issues thereof.

Sorry, I meant Mellow.

Fixit, buy her a Tangle Teeser hairbrush. I bought one yesterday and trialled it on my 18 year old DS's waist length hair. He's already gone online to buy one for himself.