Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed Grandparents cut DS's hair?

92 replies

DoesBuggerAll · 05/05/2011 21:06

Grandparents looked after DS today. When they dropped him back home we saw that they had taken him to the barber. He had such a lovely mop of blond hair and now he has a short back and sides. We were furious but bit our tongues. I think it's totally out of order to do such a thing, especially as DS has never had his hair cut yet (he's just turned 2). What do you all think?

OP posts:
spiderlight · 05/05/2011 21:29

I would have hit the roof! And cried....

TheSmallClanger · 05/05/2011 21:31

YANBU. I would confront them about it next time you see them, and say in no uncertain terms that they are not to do it again. If they ask why you didn't say something at the time, say you were too angry.

stleger · 05/05/2011 21:36

I have teenagers, and worry about the awful things I will do to upset them when I have grandchildren, because some 'unreasonables' seem to me OK! But one thing I would NEVER do is cut a toddler's hair Shock

allag · 05/05/2011 21:38

i am gutted for you - to get his first locks off, how dare they. it should be an exciting event for you and DS the first time you do it, we got a certificate when my DD got her first haircut!!! (sorry, don't mean to make you feel worse). when i was seven and about to start school (not in UK), my mother was in hospital having my younger sister and my grandmother got all my hair shaved off because she believed in some stupid superstition that it has to be done (my mother refused to do it in toddlerhood). my mother wept for days. i am obviously still traumatized and therefore biased, but grandparents have no right to do it without permission, in the circumstances. DDDDDDDDDNBU!

Maternelle · 05/05/2011 21:38

YANBU. I would have gone insane.

PinkToeNails · 05/05/2011 21:39

YANBU, they were.

LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 05/05/2011 21:43

YABU. You didn't tell them off. They will keep doing this kind of thing forever, because you condoned it.

candleshoe · 05/05/2011 21:43

I would be totally fucking furious and I would let the GPs they had totally overstepped the line! YANBU at all - this is a violation!

Potplant · 05/05/2011 21:44

My MIL cut a first curl from my DTs as a keepsake for HER. I went ballistic. If she had given them a short back and sides I'd be doing time in holloway now.

You have to say something otherwise it will only get worse.

Smallstuff · 05/05/2011 21:45

My DH did this too! He took Ds1 to the barbers 'for a trim' and he came back looking like he had joined up.... He was 20 months. I had a one month old DS2 and was v hormonal but when I saw him I burst into tears I never wanted my DS's to have crew cuts.. I didn't speak to DH for days and he has never been back to the barbers they come with me to my hairdressers and have lovely tousled head styles that my PIL hate....
If GPs had done it I would have been even more livid...bloody cheek YANBU.....

ReindeerBollocks · 05/05/2011 21:45

YANBU - I'd be having a conversation about trust issues and babysitting. The two go hand in hand, and I would definitely express my annoyance (even if done in a polite but firm manner).

cjel · 05/05/2011 21:46

I don't agree with what they have done but think you were right to say nothing at the time. DS would have been unecessarily upset tand might have thought it was his fault everyone was upset. When you have had time to consider it I think you must say something.xx

Smallstuff · 05/05/2011 21:46

It took over a year to regrow the length he had lost .....Sad

hairfullofsnakes · 05/05/2011 21:48

Totally agree with loopy that yabu as you didn't say anything. Rather than seethe, say something, why didn't you?

280169 · 05/05/2011 21:49

omg you should tell them i would be furious

springbokdoc · 05/05/2011 21:52

WOW I would have hit the frickin' roof!! Surely no-one but no-one thinks this is acceptable to do?! I coud understand if it had been cut before, and they knew you wanted to take him for a trim, but cutting off all his locks? Shock

Right given how shocking that was, this surely cannot be the first time they've done somethin that was not on? Or have they literally gone from normal GP to out there unreasonable?

everyspring · 05/05/2011 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 05/05/2011 22:10

bang out of order.id be having words

Original poster
DoesBuggerAll · 05/05/2011 22:13

Looks like it's 100% YANBU then.

I did say that I didn't like it but I figured as the deed was done there wasn't much point in exploding in anger about it. They did present us with a little bag containing a few locks of DS's hair. I think it was my dad who was the culprit. He had made several comments about DS's hair being too long and him being mistaken for a girl. His fringe did get in his eyes a bit and we had trimmed it a little ourselves a couple of times.

We are very annoyed about it as we don't think it's cut well at all and it will take a couple of months at least to grow out.

We won't be leaving him with them again in a hurry.

To be honest I think my dad has mild aspergers or something. He may even be slightly senile. He has issues with anxiety/anger/stress - Victor Meldrew was modelled on him I think. I don't think he has ever considered me as an adult and thus probably didn't think I could make the decision as to when to cut my DS's hair. I didn't want to make a big issue over it as number one son's (and favourite) marriage is failing and this is causing immense stress for my parents at the moment.

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 05/05/2011 22:21

Nope, I said YABU.

Nanny0gg · 05/05/2011 22:27

I can (almost)see why you wouldn't say anything although I don't think I would be as restrained. And even if concerned about your dad, what about your mum?
However, I wouldn't be leaving any child of mine with them again, and if they asked why, they would be told.

Nope. With thinking about it, I think you should tell them exactly how upset you are.

hairfullofsnakes · 05/05/2011 23:14

Agree with nanny - there is nothing wrong with letting them know you did not approve. If you let things like this slide it will keep happening!

BuntyPenfold · 05/05/2011 23:21

My mother had my daughter over 'to play in the garden' and took my daughter aged 3 to her hairdresser, who cut off her little fair plaits and did a revolting Purdy pudding basin cut with a very short fringe.
As a nice surprise for me.
27 years later my heart still starts pounding as I type it.
I am still furious. My mother thinks I am ungrateful.

So YANBU to mind.

CareyFakes · 06/05/2011 08:01

I'd have been livid Angry and I wouldn't be biting my tongue either. That is utterly disrespectful to you and your child. My heart is pounding for you.

My mother would NEVER do that, I would NEVER do that to a child who wasn't mine. Makes my blood boil. My sister's MIL did it to my niece and she said fuck all, I was chomping at the bit to have a pop at the witch but as she is not my child, not my choice.

pjmama · 06/05/2011 08:28

I don't care what else is going on in their lives, they had absolutely no right to do this and you should tell them so. If you let them get away with making decisions for your DS without consulting you, then what will it be next?

Draw a very firm line and draw it now.

Swipe left for the next trending thread