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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think people should keep their opinions about our twins sex to themselves unless it's positive

68 replies

PrincessScrumpy · 05/05/2011 19:37

We have a 3-year-old dd and absolutely adore her. In February we discovered that not only was I pg but it is ID twins - we're delighted (though still not sure about the logistics of holding 2 newborns ). Today we had the 20 week scan and found out they are girls. DH is very happy (as am I) as we didn't have a preference at all but as dh says, dd1 is absolutely fab so two more will just be brilliant.

DH went to work after the scan and the two guys he sits near (one who has a young son and another who's 40 with no kids) reacted with immense sympathy at the news of more girls. Dh was furious and hasn't bothered telling anyone else as he doesn't want that reaction. The one with a son said it would be his "worst nightmare!" Dh wants to share the happy news but feels it's been taken from him. I've had it a bit but I think dh has had it worse as the implication is he's not matcho. I'm so cross for him.

Has anyone else had this - do you have any funny replies? So far I've only managed "Actually we're delighted!" Feel we need something clever to put people in their places.

OP posts:

Elk · 05/05/2011 20:20

Three girls sounds absolutely wonderful and i may be a teensy bit jealous. I have 2 and its great, so 3 must be better.

flyingspaghettimonster · 05/05/2011 20:24

People can be such tactless tossers. I'd have been thrilled to have all girls - and actually I think I am the sort of stubborn personality that the more positive everyone's reaction the more negative I am and vice versa - so the more people would say 'oh how lucky, one of each!' the more I felt 'well, all girls would have been lovely too!'

You are thrilled, hubby is thrilled. that's what matters... congrats!!!

gotolder · 05/05/2011 20:25

I really thought that this attitude would be over by now: a friend of my ex didn't speak to his wife for days after she gave birth to their third daughter and all of his male friends sympathised with him!

TheSecondComing · 05/05/2011 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Firawla · 05/05/2011 20:30

yanbu but just ignore these reactions, 3 girls sounds lovely and who really cares what people say as long as you are happy with your children its none of their business

im expecting 3rd boy and i think with 3 the same you will get some of these comments whichever they are boy or girl, but obviously you can not chose the gender of babies so whats the point in negative comments or 'what a shame' type attitude. im sure there are plenty of positives to having 3 the same sex anyway. i dont think people really mean anything by it, its just something to say

icooksocks · 05/05/2011 20:32

Trust me-you never can win. When I announced I was expecting dc#3, I got plenty of comments about how I already had one of each therefore why was I having another? Erm maybe because I want another baby

nenevomito · 05/05/2011 20:34

When we discovered that DH's friend was due to have another girl (number 4) we all sent him pictures of sheds and told him he'd need it.

Then again, DH's friend has a sense of humour.

Isindebetterplace · 05/05/2011 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

howdoyoueatyours · 05/05/2011 20:37

I've got a friend with a 2 year old dd and non-id twin girls and they are adorable together.
I think people assume that you want whatever sex you haven't already had the next time. I have one of each but when went for my scan with ds (the youngest) I genuinely didn't give a shit - I just wanted to know.
There are definitely pros to having the same sex. You can pass down clothes/toys. Ds plays with his sisters pink things at home but I haven't been able to pass down her pink Smartrike and I'm glad I had a neutral coloured pushchair!

Mumcentreplus · 05/05/2011 20:38

Why do you really care?..seriously put on your don't give a toss hat for this one..I'm the first of 3 girls and I have 2 of my own
I'm always asked about trying for a boy my answer ...'Errr..hell no!..2 is enough!'

ignatz · 05/05/2011 20:44

I like the sound of nikki1978's friend's response

yoshiLunk · 05/05/2011 20:52

thinking of babyheaves friend and his shed, my friends husband with six girls will have them all as teenagers at some point and probably, along with my friend all on their period at the same time (which is known to happen with women who live or even work together) - yep, he's going to need a shed too.

LDNmummy · 05/05/2011 20:53

Groan...

I hate this kind of patriarchal attitude. DP and I don't know our LO's sex yet but want a girl. He has grown up in a family FULL of boys and it just seems right, though a boy will be equally as loved if that is what we are having.

When he has told his friends a few have reacted like he is crazy or brainwashed or something. Tell your DP that at least he is not a pillock and values his children no matter what sex.

holyShmoley · 05/05/2011 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

PrincessScrumpy · 05/05/2011 20:56

I'm fine with the jokey comments - I've teased dh myself about all the glitter he'll have around him, but the comments from his work colleagues weren't jokey at all - genuine condolences. So yes, I am offended on his behalf because I know how peed off he was.

OP posts:

pranma · 05/05/2011 20:57

My dd has two boys and the reaction has been 'Oh dear were you disappointed that ds2 was another boy?Will you try for a girl now?every woman should have a daughter...etc etc.Dd is delighted with her complete and gorgeous family.
Many Congratulations on your dd and your twins-sounds perfect to me.

redexpat · 05/05/2011 20:59

Steal a line from Sex and the City. Harry says: I guess it's my lot in life to be surrounded by beautiful women.

redexpat · 05/05/2011 21:00

Oops! holyscmoley got there first!

BendyBob · 05/05/2011 21:01

My dd was 3 when our dt's arrived.

Wait till someone asks you, in front of older dd, 'bet you wish you'd had the twins first, then you wouldn't have ended up with 3'. Happened to me on more than one occasion

People say the stupidest things. Not to be mean, it just comes out as something to say.

strawberrylace · 05/05/2011 21:02

Congratulations on your twin news - I have 6 month old twins, a boy and girl. I get people saying "oh, what a blessing, one of each" which annoys me because are they saying it wouldn't be a blessing to have two the same?????
As a twin mum you'll get used to people's strange comments very quickly. I often get asked if mine are identical....

bibbitybobbityhat · 05/05/2011 21:03

I find it very hard indeed to believe that your dh's work colleagues were offering genuine condolences on the news that you are expecting twins. Really.

They were just being thoughtless/twattish at worst.

Don't be angry about it. Enjoy your happy news.

bibbitybobbityhat · 05/05/2011 21:05

"I get people saying "oh, what a blessing, one of each" which annoys me because are they saying it wouldn't be a blessing to have two the same?????"

See? its impossible for people to make small talk about unborn babies without irritating someone or other. Perhaps we should all just say "really?" and go back to looking at our paper.

pollyblue · 05/05/2011 21:33

You'll have the same combo as me, my DD was 2 when our DTs (both girls, but non-id) were born. You will have you're hands full! But it's fab.

DH has had comments along the lines of "oh poor you, well and truly outnumbered!" etc, but the best thing is not to take it to heart, people will always say something about families or situations they might find unusual or interesting - don't let it bother either of you. FWIW, DH's usual cheerful comeback is "at least most of our cats are male!"

Isindebetterplace · 06/05/2011 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScousyFogarty · 06/05/2011 16:29

Princess, you have a great family.

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