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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think people should keep their opinions about our twins sex to themselves unless it's positive

68 replies

PrincessScrumpy · 05/05/2011 19:37

We have a 3-year-old dd and absolutely adore her. In February we discovered that not only was I pg but it is ID twins - we're delighted (though still not sure about the logistics of holding 2 newborns ). Today we had the 20 week scan and found out they are girls. DH is very happy (as am I) as we didn't have a preference at all but as dh says, dd1 is absolutely fab so two more will just be brilliant.

DH went to work after the scan and the two guys he sits near (one who has a young son and another who's 40 with no kids) reacted with immense sympathy at the news of more girls. Dh was furious and hasn't bothered telling anyone else as he doesn't want that reaction. The one with a son said it would be his "worst nightmare!" Dh wants to share the happy news but feels it's been taken from him. I've had it a bit but I think dh has had it worse as the implication is he's not matcho. I'm so cross for him.

Has anyone else had this - do you have any funny replies? So far I've only managed "Actually we're delighted!" Feel we need something clever to put people in their places.

OP posts:

Rhinestone · 05/05/2011 19:41

I would say,

"What do you suggest? Should we kill them at birth like they used to do in India in the 19th century?"

But then I'm rather arsey.

Newgolddream · 05/05/2011 19:42

Yes oh yes, but in my experience and through the various threads here recently its usually the other way around - people making negative comments if you have more than 1 boy. What is it about some people that think one sex is better than the other or in a lot of cases a woman isnt complete unless she has at least 1 girl and then 1 of each sex. Makes me mad. I was told - on finding out my 3rd baby was a boy (after having 2 already) - "oh thats a shame"

thelittlefriend · 05/05/2011 19:43

Some people just don't think. Probably thought it was a "witty" thing to say. Congrats on your pg

cupofteaplease · 05/05/2011 19:43

We have 2 dds and are expecting our third. We are over the moon as the two girls we already have are fab! I have lost track of the amount of comments regarding our current baby not being a boy- negative, jokey, sarcastic... the list goes on. One of my favourites was, 'Good job, you'd never cope with a boy.' How bloody insulting! I agree, the old adage 'If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all' applies here.

pjmama · 05/05/2011 19:43

Congratulations! Having twins is absolutely brilliant.

Tell your DH to just smile and say he can't think of anything better than a house full of little girls! Or he could just tell them to naff off, whichever he prefers at that moment in time.

squeakytoy · 05/05/2011 19:43

I think you are being a bit over-sensitive as I am sure nobody means it nastily.

It is a fairly common thing to say when people have children of all the same sex, and not worth getting upset over.

TheVeryAngryMumapillar · 05/05/2011 19:44

Oh how weird of them!

What about saying "Yes, we were very pleased, especially as it seems it's only men with the highest testoserone who can produce three girls in a row! DH must be so macho!

HellNoSayItAintSo · 05/05/2011 19:44

Um, you do realise nobody actually cares? It's just small talk.

MaureenMLove · 05/05/2011 19:46

How wonderful! 3 little girls! Daddy is going to be a very proud man! And as for you, think of all those lovely shopping days and girlie days out you're going to have in the fullness of time! I can't think of anything nicer!

Hope that goes some way to making you both feel better and it wasn't said tongue in cheek btw, it really is lovely and you shouldn't let some stupid twat spoil your excitement!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 05/05/2011 19:46

Really? One said it was his worst nightmare? I'd have had to challenge that. I'd have questioned him on whether it really was his worst nightmare, give him a few scenarios etc and make him feel really silly for such an overreaction.

Congratulations btw!

Trinaluce · 05/05/2011 19:52

I am the eldest of four girls. Throughout the last three of my mother's pregnancies people's only question was 'are you hoping for a boy this time?'. When she actually found out at the scan that #4 was probably a girl too, she knew she was in for much MUCH more 'oh, are you disappointed?'

Many was the time she was tempted to say 'Yes, but all 4 of my girls are gorgeous. Your little boy's an ugly little bugger.'

I HONESTLY do not, in this day and age, see what the problem is with having girls. And it doesn't make your husband any less of a man - how about you leave out the 'they're identical' bit and just point out that he's virile enough to make TWO babies in one go? Or if it's a man offering condolences, how about 'Well who'd want boys anyway if they're going to be as narrow-minded as you?'

Share the news. Delight in it. Revel in it. And bollocks to anyone who feels different.

And HUGE congrats. Was kinda hoping for twins this time to get the three babies I want without DH getting a say

yoshiLunk · 05/05/2011 19:55

for you princess. They are arses aren't they? My DH has two sons from his first marriage so when my DS was born we got a lot of 'i bet you're disappointed' looks from people, especially from BIL who wanted his brother to have a girl.

Then when our DS2 arrived, well I don't even have to say... "four boys, - wow, what a handful" - actually no, I have two children and two step children and girls or boys, yes that's a handful.

I have a friend who has six girls, and after the second she had this nonsense every time from people, she only stopped through health reasons, would have happily had a dozen girls, - she just loves children, lots and lots of 'em!

ShowOfHands · 05/05/2011 19:57

Oh congratulations. Sounds wonderful to me. 3 girls. I think that's a bit special actually. I like the number 3.

I like to err on the side of people generally aren't as horrid as they sometimes seem and while casting around to say something, sometimes alight on the wrong thing entirely. Of course sometimes people are just twats.

You get it with whatever gender set fate gives you. Somebody will say something. Hopefully most of it is just lack of joined up thinking and for the comments that aren't, well a curt 'did you mean for that to sound so utterly rude?' will suffice.

Brilliant news. Congratulations to you and your dh. I bet dd is thrilled!

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 05/05/2011 19:59

I have three girls and I agree with whoever said it gets worse each subsequent pregnancy.

The assumption is you are TRYING for a boy or why else wuold you have 3!?!

I was secretely quite glad dd was a girl as I was one of three girls (I loved it)and dealing with boys anatomy was (still is when I babysit!) unfamiliar.

Good luck with your three and don't let the negative bastards grind you down.

midori1999 · 05/05/2011 20:02

I have a different but similar problem. I have three boys. I also had twin girls last year but we lost them. I am now pregnant again with a DD. Everyone keeps saying 'ooh, a girl' as if that's somehow better than if it had been a boy. It really, really annoys me, not least as after losing two DC, alive is what we were aiming for, we couldn't care less about gender.

Bottleofbeer · 05/05/2011 20:03

It's thought more virile men produce girls!

TheVeryAngryMumapillar · 05/05/2011 20:04

Ooh so my advice was not just made up then bottleofbeer?

pjmama · 05/05/2011 20:07

A friend of ours has had 5 girls including a set of twins. He loves it, although he is way down the bottom of the pecking order when it comes to getting into the bathroom.

Needanewname · 05/05/2011 20:07

People can be so rude. One of the reasons why I dont; want to go for number 3 is all the ooh are you hoping for a boy this time questions we'd get. Ok so its not really a reason (there are many others honest) but you know what i mean!

mamas12 · 05/05/2011 20:09

Oh we had this after dd was born (firstborn) from an uncle 'Don't worry my first three were girls, we got there in the end'
So bloody insulting, but the only thing I would do is ask them if they really meant to be so rude.

nikki1978 · 05/05/2011 20:12

My male friend who has 3 daughters just smiles and says "it is my lot in life to be surrounded by beautiful women!"

SmethwickBelle · 05/05/2011 20:12

I agree they are off the cuff comments, don't dwell on them, it isn't like either of the people in question were analysing your family and deciding what the perfect ideal world balance of sexes might be and judging you hugely - they're just making conversation.

I think any combination is great and every family is unique. Many congratulations on having two lovely baby girls to come.

Bottleofbeer · 05/05/2011 20:14

theveryangrymumsorryican't recalltherestofyournickandcan'tbearsedscrollingbackup; nope, apparently not!

TheSecondComing · 05/05/2011 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Icelollycraving · 05/05/2011 20:18

How lovely to have girls!! I'm the youngest of 3 daughters,my sisters have had girls & I'm the girliest of us & I'm having a boy. I really really hoped for a girl but I just knew it! I was disappointed briefly but as long as your baby is healthy & happy that is all that counts.
As Harry says in Sex & The City movie,it's his life to be surrounded by beautiful girls,your husband is the same!

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