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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

looked at DP's phone...mistake!

82 replies

cherrypez · 05/05/2011 17:44

Ok so I know I was totally unreasonable reading his texts, not wanting justification in that.
When I read his texts he was saying to his friend how 'fit' some girl at work is. Not great. I went off to work and sent him a shitty text saying I hoped the fit girl would be at work today. Very mature I know lol. Anyway, what I want to know is how others would react to this? Harmless lad talk or something to make a big issue out of?

OP posts:
yummybutterbiscuit · 05/05/2011 18:13

I dont understand people who think that because they are in a relationship they no longer find other people attractive...

i like the nice weather because taking a walk in the park, there are lots of hot guys (they all come out in the summer!) and have no qualms about pointing thiem out to OH.

in the same way I dont get annoyed when he come in from a night out with his single mates and starts talking about the hot girls that they were dancing with. (background - my OH is the most charismatic, and IMO most good looking of the group and gets most attention, but his friends use him as a wingman haha)

there is nothing wrong with your OH saying to his friend that a girl was 'fit' but if he had followed it with 'i want a bit of that' then its an issue.

Chloe55 · 05/05/2011 18:19

Well in that case I really don't think you can be all that peed off with him. I understand why you read the texts now as he has been caught sex texting before but really this is more of a trust issue than the actual text you found which imo is pretty harmless.

Original poster
cherrypez · 05/05/2011 18:20

yummy, I used to be just like you and never got jealous, ever. Then he did what he did when I was pregnant and the inner psycho appeared in me! Spidookly, he isnt vile at all, just the only oneamongst his friends who is settled and I guess he misses out on alot. If he were vile he would have taken things further with the girl who quite literally offered him it on a plate. He knew he'd gone too far and had already called time on it before anything happened and before I found out (from his itemised phone bill, in my name so sent to me)

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 05/05/2011 18:21

If someone sent a text about me calling me fit I'd be chuffed.

This sexist shit really bakes my noodles. OMG no you can't call a woman a girl, omg no you can't call her fit.

Jeeesus h christ we have terrorists in the world, a couple of wars going on and people got nothing else to moan about than a man calling a bird fit.

usualsuspect · 05/05/2011 18:23

The actual text is ok ..There are loads of posts on MN phwoaring at builders and gardeners etc

but if he has form I can understand you being pissed off

worraliberty · 05/05/2011 18:27

I agree with Fabby and any way 'fit' is just a modern day compliment, some prefer 'hot'..some prefer 'sexy' and some prefer 'fit'.

dearprudence · 05/05/2011 18:27

Harmless lad talk, almost certainly. I can understand why it upset you, but it doesn't sound like anything. A message to the 'fit' girl would be a totally different matter, of course.

Original poster
cherrypez · 05/05/2011 18:29

Erm, fabby, if he'd been calling me fit it wouldnt have been a problem, it was someone else, so although its unimportant to you its my relationship and I care. That doesnt mean I dont care about other things. And I dont care about the terminology, more the fact that he is attracted to someone at the office.

OP posts:
Jennytailia · 05/05/2011 18:30

Harmless, your just jel though, it's natural.

ChippingIn · 05/05/2011 18:31

Fabby - I agree. It's mad. I'm well over 18 and much prefer to be called a girl than a woman or 'that girl' than 'that lady' and if anyone called me 'fit' I'd dance with joy. Really - no knicker knotting required is there Grin

Cherry - I don't blame you for checking up on him and if he says another word about it - tell him to pull his head in! You didn't check up on him until he gave you plenty of reason to do it - end of.

ChippingIn · 05/05/2011 18:33

Cherry - fabby knew that! She was commenting on the other posts (not yours) complaining about a girl being called fit and how disrespectful it was (for the woman ).

unsurevalentine · 05/05/2011 18:44

Stealth.

Original poster
cherrypez · 05/05/2011 18:50

oh ok, thought it was directed at me sorry. Unsurevalentine, wot do u mean?

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 05/05/2011 18:51

unsurevalentine - no, not by stealth, she just wanted to know how other people would feel (if there was no history) and then if there was... no big deal.

unsurevalentine · 05/05/2011 18:54

Still stealth IMO if it wasn't she wouldn't have added the history at all and now the tide is changing in her favour.

And yes YABU to read his texts, you either forgave him or you didn't.

Original poster
cherrypez · 05/05/2011 18:54

wot does 'by stealth' mean?? v confused!

OP posts:
unsurevalentine · 05/05/2011 18:57

And it's fine for him to call some "fit" in a private msge to a friend, he didn't send it to you because he knows it would've hurt you.

He sounds lovely Hmm

ChippingIn · 05/05/2011 18:57

'by stealth' means revealing facts after your OP (original post)... so she's complaining that you didn't tell us about your DP's history in your OP. It's a pertinent fact that you left out and could really change what people would answer.

Original poster
cherrypez · 05/05/2011 18:57

I added the history as I was asked y I read the phone. Prob should have mentioned it from the start. And I stated in OP that I knew I shouldnt read teh phone, I know its not great.

OP posts:
Hardhatonamission · 05/05/2011 18:58

Throw a wobbler about it. A Lad at works missus did what you did and now they're engaged. He did only propose to shut her up though, but still, you'll at least get a ring on your finger!

TheOriginalFAB · 05/05/2011 18:58

It is kind of stealth as she would have had different replies if people had known he had cheated on her before.

ChippingIn · 05/05/2011 18:59

unsure - forgiving is not forgetting.

Original poster
cherrypez · 05/05/2011 18:59

To be honest chipping I left it out coa I knew if I put that people would automatically assume he was a chea98ting scumbag which he isnt, just wanted peoples opinions on whether this particular text is a big deal or not, but I appreciate what you and unsure are saying

OP posts:
vintageteacups · 05/05/2011 19:00

Reading other peoples' texts isn't right but I see how you're now upset.

However, from your OP, I could also see it as his best mate is asking what he thinks to the 'said girl' and he is telling him 'she's fit'.

Perhaps it's not as you have read it?

ChippingIn · 05/05/2011 19:02

She was angry, she posted. You don't always think through your entire history before deciding what to put in your OP. It's not life and death - it really doesn't matter. She asked what people thought, she answered a question... no need to hang her out to dry now.

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