Americans are great! At least mid-westerners are... :o
Some things:
Yes, where I live, most people have guns. No one here shoots other people with them. Ever. They shoot animals, and almost without exception, those animals have a better life/death than the majority of animals killed for food on "factory farms."
Yes, where I live, a lot of us do believe in God and go to church. We don't care if you do or not. We take pride in "minding our own business," and your religious beliefs (or lack of) do not fall under that heading. The majority of us do believe in God, which is why "in God we trust" is on our money and other things. However, most of us believe firmly in a separation of church and state, which is why a Nativity play at a public (or "state") school strikes us as odd.
Yes, where I live, we love a good baby shower. Our families are very important to us, so the advent of a new member is a wonderful and celebratory thing. We also love to give presents. This does not mean that we are crass and tacky, it means that we are family-oriented and taught that generosity is a virtue. (And generosity is a big thing with us; it is the biggest insult to most Americans I know to imply that they are selfish. Even our "blood sucking corporations" come through occasionally: within 48 hours after the earthquake leveled Port-au-Prince and its surrounding villages, American companies pledged more than $16 million in direct aid. When Hurricane Katrina struck New Orleans, U.S. businesses gave $1.4 billion in aid. Boeing and Weyerhaeuser donated $1.5 million in just the first week. Walmart donated $23 million in cash and opened its stores in affected areas to provide food, water and supplies to hurricane victims.)
No, where I live, we are not stupid. We don't spell things the same way as you do, but they are not the "wrong" spellings. We only have one form of "practice", so that is the one we use.
Yes, we value work too much. (Being lazy is right up there with being selfish in insults as far as most of us are concerned. :) ) We do not have enough vacation time or parental leave, and this needs to change. However, this is directly tied into our love of a good rags-to-riches story. We are not (at least in the part of America where I've always lived) overly impressed with "class" or "breeding". What impresses us is someone who works hard and makes something of themselves, especially when that person comes from a less-than-stellar background. You'd never hear us say "she used to be an air stewardess " in a disparaging tone, though you might hear us say it in an admiring one. Our unofficial national motto is "give a person guts, and shit will do for brains." :o
Even the most jaded of us believes, in their heart of hearts, that if you work hard and do your best by others, you will come out ahead. This may not be true, but when has it ever been a bad frame of mind?
We are sometimes seen as stupid or simple because of these things. I think a lot people forget that there are multiple kinds of intelligence, and personally if the shit were hitting the fan and I had to choose between a clear-thinking, hard-working, "let's get this done" person in work boots and a snarky urbanite in a suit...well, easy choice as far as I'm concerned. 
Oh, and I've never had a problem with the concept of irony, thank you. I am broadminded enough to appreciate the appeal of many different forms of humor. :)