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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

more of a WWYD or should i get my nose out...?

64 replies

FurKnickersAndNoCoat · 05/05/2011 11:37

we live on a fairly busy street just off a busy main road, on the main road about 100 yards up is the primary school. can see the playground if i sort of hang out of bedroom window at precarious angle - just to give you an idea of distance - takes us about 4 mins to walk there. there is a woman who parks on our street every day to drop her eldest off at school. she has 4 other kids, a set of twins who look to be around 4, a boy who is 3 ish and a baby who i think she had about 7/8 weeks ago. she takes twins with her and takes eldest to school and leaves 3yo and baby in car while she does this. it makes me so uncomfortable and pissed off tbh when she does this. she is probably gone for about 10 minutes at the maximum. i am finding myself hanging around by the car until i see her crossing the road coming back to the kids. she is out of order isn't she or am i being totally precious? would you do anything/say anything?? has been bugging me for weeks...

OP posts:

IMissSleep · 05/05/2011 11:39

I think that's wrong. Anything could happen, and the car could get overheated. Does she leave a window open? I'd be tempted to say something.

ChippingIn · 05/05/2011 11:40

Does the 3 year old seem bothered?

If not I'd keep your my sticky beak out. If the kids are happy and it's working for her I really don't see the problem. I wouldn't do it myself - but I don't think she's on her way to hell in a handcart.

CurrySpice · 05/05/2011 11:40

I would be uncomfortable with that too - but not sure what I would so / say. She obv has her hands full

SarkyLady · 05/05/2011 11:40

What chipping said.

Original poster

FurKnickersAndNoCoat · 05/05/2011 11:42

no she doesn't leave window open. the boy seems fine with it, a lot of the time i can hear the baby crying, but hey babies cry so im not saying that baby is crying because she is alone.

OP posts:

icooksocks · 05/05/2011 11:43

She has proabably fed the baby and changed bum and feels that for 5/10 mins it will be okay. I don't know what I'd do tbh. I have left my kids in the car on occasion, bt not gone far iygwim. The feelng usually is they are strapped in and safe and locked in (I assume) and no harm could come to them.

icooksocks · 05/05/2011 11:44

Ps I am aware that potentially harm could come to the children but its pretty low risk

soggy14 · 05/05/2011 11:45

Assuming that she only has 2 hands (I could be wrong here) can you explain how she is supposed to get 5 small children along a busy road safely? She may well have thought all of this through and worked out that this is the safest arrangement. If you are really concerned then offer to help her. If you do not want to help then mind your own business and let her cope with her life as best that she can.

Original poster

FurKnickersAndNoCoat · 05/05/2011 11:45

i should probably just keep my nose out. am just a worrier by nature but she is obvs OK with it and im sure nowt will happen.

OP posts:

DrMuffy · 05/05/2011 11:45

Maybe the 3yo is prone to running. I could understand (maybe?) in that situation that leaving the 3yo in the car is actually safer than risking him running out into a busy street.

Journey · 05/05/2011 11:46

I'd keep your nose out. She has her hands full. If that system works for her leave her to it. It's very awkward getting everybody in and out the car for such a short distance/time for the school run.

It's alright for you to say you're "uncomfortable and pissed off" but I'd like to see you doing that school run.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 05/05/2011 11:47

Well, I think it is quite a dangerous thing to do. children can and do get overheated and die in a frighteningly short period of time - we're talking minutes here! and we are coming to the hot weather now.

and what if she got held up or, go forbid, something happened to her? how long before anyone found those children?

I suppose you have to decide whether the risk to those children from the above is real enough to warrent a note under her windscreen or something.

however, she'd probably just move to another street and carry on doing it.

Probably nothing will happen. in all likelihood all will be well and you will be worrying for nothing.

Worst case scenario - you read in the paper one day how a baby overheated and died in a car and you know you may hae been able to stop it. Very unlikely but certainly possible.

It's simple risk assessment - likeihood of all outcomes - seriousness of worst outcomes, can you risk the worst case scenario no matter how unlikely it actually is? if you can, then leave it. if you can't, then act.

Journey · 05/05/2011 11:53

I think the overheating comments are a bit over the top. I think must sensible parents know that.

A note on the window screen is going too far. It's funny how many people like to criticise other people rather than actually help. What smug lives they must lead.

mouseanon · 05/05/2011 11:57

She could take them all relatively easily (a bit of a faff but not impossible) with a double buggy, or single and buggy board, for the baby and 3yo. One 4yo holding on to each side of the buggy and eldest child walking alongside. I often see people managing not dissimilar groups of children on the walk to and from school, especially childminders. Surely better than the risk of babies overheating in the car. And I know people laugh at the idea of someone breaking into the car but it happens. For that reason I wouldn't leave my handbag on display in the car while it was out of sight, never mind the children. I'm not totally paranoid, I'd leave them in the car if the car was to be in sight and there was no danger of being held up, like nipping to the cashpoint, or while paying for petrol, or whatever. I don't think it is particularly acceptable to leave them out of sight for 10mins (+ if there's any hold up). Also my youngest at 3 could undo his seatbelt and open a car door. I have the childlocks on the back but there aren't any on the front! In a way the baby is safer as obviously won't be able to get up to anything unexpected.

soggy14 · 05/05/2011 11:58

Hecate can you answer my question about how you get 5 small children along a busy street? My ds was always running out into the road (for various reasons could not understand until he was 7 that cars could hurt him). Lack of this kind of fear (ie not understanding that you can get run over as you have never seen it happen) is quite common in children so they do still run out. So how would you suggest that she gets them all along the road? If she pushes twins in double buggy with baby in sling round neck (almost impossible anyway) then how would she hang on to the other two? Reins do not work with slings (you end up off balance - my ds pulled me off my feet twice when he was 3 and I had a baby in a sling).

Yes children die in cars but they also die on roads. There is no easy answer here. She is probably doing the best she can.

Original poster

FurKnickersAndNoCoat · 05/05/2011 12:06

some days she DOES take them all, the two youngest in double buggy, the twins on back on buggy boards.

OP posts:

Original poster

FurKnickersAndNoCoat · 05/05/2011 12:07

feel this may have caused more outrage if i had said it was a dog left in car.

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FabbyChic · 05/05/2011 12:07

If you are that concerned, as soon as she leaves the car call the police. So when she comes back they will be by the car and have a word with her.

soggy14 · 05/05/2011 12:08

mouseanon comments like yours are so typical of people who have been gifted with well behaved children :) No way would my ds have walked along beside a buggy - not even now at 8 reliably. Not all children do what they are told - don't believe everything that super nanny tells you some children are just "difficult to manage" and deciding whether to risk taking a "runner" along side a busy road against leaving them in the car is a personal desision.

debinaboat · 05/05/2011 12:08

mouseanon you beat me to it.... also surely the school run is not the only time she has to manage her kids,she cant always leave two in the car.

JackyJax · 05/05/2011 12:10

I've seen an identical post to this a few months ago. Hmmmm wonder what's going on?

EssexGurl · 05/05/2011 12:10

There was a case recently in our local Sainsbury's where someone left a toddler and a baby in the car while they popped in to get something. Gone for only 5 minutes and when they got back there were security around the car. Someone had reported this to customer services and the manager had called the police. They arrived and took the kids away with social services until the parents could be interviewed and they accepted that it was in good faith and no action was taken. But this was a one off (I know the mother in question). If this was happening everyday around our way someone would have called the police/SS. Apparently the parents were interviewed on suspicion of child abandonment.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 05/05/2011 12:12

the fact that it is bloody hard for one person to do does not mean that leaving children in the car is not risky. You can't say, oh, well, she can't do it therefore there is no danger. The danger exists, regardless. that is not a criticism of the parent. it is an objective assessment of the facts.

4 yr old twins, a 3 yr old, a baby and a school aged child, yes?

well, pushchair for the 3 yr old, baby in a sling, wrist straps for the twins and older child walking along side.

or double pushchair for the 3 yr old and baby, wrist straps for the twins and older child walking alongside

or baby in a sling, wriststraps for the 4 yr olds, reins for the 3 yr old and older child walking alongside

or double pushchair for the 3 yr old and the baby, 'buggyboards' for the twins and older child walking alongside

or a phonecall to the school asking for permission to park in school carpark or other staff carparking area.

wrist straps are better than reins because they strap onto your wrist and theirs so you can still push the pushchair.

Original poster

FurKnickersAndNoCoat · 05/05/2011 12:13

not going to call police. and thread seems to be getting a bit silly now, i did say in OP that i wasnt sure if i was being nosey/precious or whatever. im sure they are perfectly safe and, as i also said, my tendency to worry is probably all that is at fault here.

OP posts:

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/05/2011 12:13

I managed the school run with 4 aged 5 and under, that was a mile walk to the school with several roads to cross.

5year old-had road sense drilled into her and didn't need to hold my hand, 4 yo holding buggy (also good road sense) 3 yo and newborn in double buggy. 5yo held 4 yo hand when crossing roads.

You don't get to 4/5 dc without learning along the way how to handle them and the best way to keep them under control.

Now, as I also have a friends dc for the school run I have 6 dc to supervise walking- ages 8, 8, 7, 5, 4 and 3. It's a well organised stress free operation, that I would have shaken in horror at the mere suggestion of before I had dc!

I don't think it's acceptable to leave a 3 yo and nb in a car for 10 minutes.

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