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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

more of a WWYD or should i get my nose out...?

64 replies

FurKnickersAndNoCoat · 05/05/2011 11:37

we live on a fairly busy street just off a busy main road, on the main road about 100 yards up is the primary school. can see the playground if i sort of hang out of bedroom window at precarious angle - just to give you an idea of distance - takes us about 4 mins to walk there. there is a woman who parks on our street every day to drop her eldest off at school. she has 4 other kids, a set of twins who look to be around 4, a boy who is 3 ish and a baby who i think she had about 7/8 weeks ago. she takes twins with her and takes eldest to school and leaves 3yo and baby in car while she does this. it makes me so uncomfortable and pissed off tbh when she does this. she is probably gone for about 10 minutes at the maximum. i am finding myself hanging around by the car until i see her crossing the road coming back to the kids. she is out of order isn't she or am i being totally precious? would you do anything/say anything?? has been bugging me for weeks...

OP posts:
Original poster
FurKnickersAndNoCoat · 05/05/2011 12:14

what has a similar post some months ago got to do with anything? similar posts crop up on a daily basis!

OP posts:
tallulahxhunny · 05/05/2011 12:14

I picked my children up from school one day and as i guided them across a small but busy road a taxi came driving up at speed (not massive speed but at school home time and lots of parked cars it was quite fast) as i pushed my youngest child off the road this little boy around 2 1/2 years of age (still in nappies so obv young) came running towards me onto the road and i scooped him up in my arms off the road. I stood around and waited next to my car with him for a good 5 mins when i seen his mum coming out of the school nattering away to other mums. She was surprised to see her son in my arms as she had left him in the carseat in her parked locked car while she went to pick her other child up from school!!
Anything can happen in such a short time, so while i understand the School mum in the OP leaving her children in the car maybe she would be better off parking closer to school gate and standing watching the older child go into the school rather than leaving all the others in the car. :-(

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/05/2011 12:16

Oh, and none of my dc are exceptionally well behaved, in fact they can be right little sods! but they know I will take NO messing while walking near roads. It has been a case of necessity to keep it organised.

Geepers · 05/05/2011 12:21

I leave my twins in the car all the time. I leave them at least twice a day when collecting and dropping my daughter off at nursery. The minuscule risk that something might happen vastly outweighs having to get a pushchair out of the car, get both babies into it, tackle the two nursery doors then do the whole lot in reverse.

I also leave them when popping into the chemist, post office, petrol station etc.

UntamedShrew · 05/05/2011 12:23

Goodness I am a bit surprised by some of the responses here.

When did the response to seeing a mum not really coping change to 'call the police' to 'offer to help her'?

You are right to be concerned but just think how you'd feel if you actually did call the police and something like the above Sainsbury's carpark scenario happened.

Then think of how nice it would be to help her ferry all the kids in a big gaggle, am imagining a slightly warm rosy glow of doing good plus you might actually enjoy it and make a new friend.

UntamedShrew · 05/05/2011 12:24

and you are right about if it had been a dog in the car!

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/05/2011 12:27

Tallulah that reminds me - we had been shopping at asda last year, when we got back to the car and were loading up the shopping I noticed in the next car a boy of around 6/7 and a 1yr old alone. I was apprehensive, but gave parents benefit of the doubt and thought that surely they couldn't be far away.

We were about to drive off when the older boy opened the car door and let the 1 yo get out! She was running around the bloody car with him chasing her and laughing. I got out and told him to get her back in, and asked where his mum was, he shot back into the car with her, and stuck his 2 fingers up at me Shock

I told him we weren't going anywhere until his mum got back and he suddenly looked worried.

15 minutes later mum and, I assume a friend, get back and I told her what had happened. She then proceeded to ball her head off at the boy for unlocking the car door, then turned to me and said, "she was asleep when we got here and I didn't want to disturb her" Hmm

I just said, "you are responsible for the baby, NOT your ds, it's your fault she was running around in the road so I don't know why you're yelling at HIM. We got in the car and drove off to lots of vulgar swearing.

Vile woman.

mouseanon · 05/05/2011 12:30

No I haven't been gifted with well behaved children. I've put a lot of work into it thanks. My eldest was a runner and as a consequence was often found to be strapped in a buggy with a very unimpressed face until she worked out that it wasn't a good idea (nearly 4).

However the children that are being left behind in this scenario are a new born baby (not many of those do a runner) and a 3yo who could easily escape the car and do a runner with nobody around to notice or chase after them. A runner is surely best kept close to a responsible adult?

QuackQuackBoing · 05/05/2011 12:36

It does sound difficult to get all those kids out the car just for a few minutes but I wonder if she would be better off leaving them ALL in the car and doing a mad dash with the older one, dropping them off and dashing back. Perhaps the school could arrange for the child to be taken in straight away so that she doesn't have to wait in the playgroud for them to go in. They might do this if she were to explain how tricky it was. Without the 4 yos slowing her down and this arrangement with the school it shouldn't take 10 whole minutes.

I used to leave my youngest in the car while I ran into nursery with my oldest. I used to wait until they were filing in (luckily could park very close to entrance) so it was in and out.

Snuppeline · 05/05/2011 12:42

It seems you have time to look out your window and worry about this issue so why not put your mind at rest and do something really nice for someone and offer to help her by looking after the youngest for the 10 minutes it takes her to do the school drop? Its not that long until summer holidays so you shouldn't be too put out and you can always stop doing it if it doesn't work for you. I'm We're not all superwomen and most would gladly take some help.

MothershipG · 05/05/2011 12:45

I can see that this woman is in a predicament but like the OP I would find it very worrying.

Frankly I wouldn't leave my dogs in the car, the car could be stolen with them in it, someone could break into it and steal them, do you know how quickly they can overheat? I wouldn't do it to a dog so I really wouldn't put kids at risk that way.

As an earlier poster said; the chances of something bad happening may be small but the consequences would be massive.

ginnny · 05/05/2011 12:47

Instead of nosing out your window and judging her, why not go out and offer to keep an eye on them for her?
If more people actually looked out for each other and our dc the world would be a much happier and safer place.

carlywurly · 05/05/2011 12:51

Logistics are really difficult when they're that age. I have occasionally left my two outside post offices and the like so I can just get things done. Sometimes now I leave ds in the car on the drive if he's fallen asleep, but with the window open. We also live on a very quiet cul de sac. He just gets out of his carseat and the locked car and lets himself into the house when he wakes up.

However, I wouldn't ever have felt comfortable leaving a baby and a 3yr old on a busy road. I understand you finding this uncomfortable to see but don't know what you could do, other than offer the help or cause her an awful lot of stress by reporting her. I doubt this is the preferred option for the mum, but it sounds like she has her hands really full.

My neighbour always said he had one child for each arm, and I can see where he's coming from. Coping with 2 on the school run is hard enough, I've every respect for people dealing with more.

HalfPastWine · 05/05/2011 12:54

YANBU to be concerned, I would be too.

I think ginny has made a good point about helping each other though I don't know how I would react if a stranger approached me and asked if they could help me with my children. I'd probably think they were a pervert or something!!!

Seems this woman really has her hands full. I don't agree with what she's doing and would be inclined to say something myself.

soggy14 · 05/05/2011 12:58

mouseanon and heads - again your answers seem typical of those who have children that they think are difficult simply because the children need a bit of managing. I'm not saying that life is easy for you :) simply that the idea that all these childcare manuals, various tchniques etc will "always work if applied correctly and for long enough" is actually a myth Shock and some (actually quite a lot) of children are not so easy to manage. You learn that after a few years if yo uhappen to have one of these little non-angles :)
So maybe this lady has a child who is genuinely difficult? Maybe not - maybe her life, with 5 small children, is difficult and she is coping the best that she can. Either way offer to help watch them if you are concerned.

HellNoSayItAintSo · 05/05/2011 13:03

overheated to death, in 10 mins, in the UK? Hmm are you quite mad?

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 05/05/2011 13:15

whoever said they could overheat to death in ten minutes?

HalfPastWine · 05/05/2011 13:18

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-11780213

HellNoSayItAintSo · 05/05/2011 13:19

op said kids in car for 10 mins, you responded with children can overheat and die within mins, do excuse me for assuming a connection.Hmm

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 05/05/2011 13:23

erm, the whole post please

they can overheat to death within minutes

next sentence - what if the parent was delayed, how long before the children were discovered.

so - it doesn't take long for a child to overheat. if the parent is, for whatever reason, delayed for some minutes, then they could overheat.

so take your Hmm face and stick it up your arse. If you can't link up two sentences and understand the relationship between the two and what I was actually saying, don't fucking turn round and give me your stupid fucking face.

fluffygal · 05/05/2011 13:25

My kids are 5, 4, 4, 3 and 6 months. I NEVER leave the baby, and only leave the older ones if I'm popping into the post office, 5 minutes max.

If you have that many children, you generally have to be quite strict on behaviour, otherwise you will go insane. My lot know to walk sensibly to school. If they run too far ahead, they must come back. I have two hands but hold all four walkers hands when crossing the road with baby in a sling.

HalfPastWine · 05/05/2011 13:25

Hectate Calm down dear!

For what it's worth, I agree with you :)

fluffygal · 05/05/2011 13:29

Oh yes and what if the mum got run over when crossing the busy road? No one would know she had a newborn alone in the car. How long until the children would be discovered?

JamieAgain · 05/05/2011 13:32

I would do that - the 3 year old could easily bash the baby.

Neither is old enough to be left alone for this length of time, IMO

constantlywrong · 05/05/2011 13:33

TBH, you can't logistically work out keeping your kids safe, even while doing the school run - don't bloody have so many if you're not up to the job.

Awaiting flaming now.