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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I'm just wasting my time?

72 replies

klapaucius · 03/05/2011 21:14

This is going to be an essay. Please no "TLDR" for the sake of my currently somewhat fragile ego. And yes I know I'm probably overreacting. And that I should have posted this in "Relationships". But anyway, I have been seeing a WONDERFUL man for almost 3 months now. Not long, I know, but we have seen eachother very frequently since the 1st time we met and I've met all of his friends and we've been on a weekend break to Zurich together where we stayed at one of his best friends house. He told me - albeit whilst intoxicated - that he loved me on 2 separate occasions (although both of these times were when we were having sex so I don't think that counts and I didn't say anything back) and he told me that he told his parents he has a girlfriend. However, I was meant to meet them in Zurich and didn't :/. We also spent the day of the royal wedding together with his brother and his brother's girlfriend. How bloody long is it going to take for him to realise how wonderful I am and make me his girlfriend?!?!?!?!!?!?! Which leads me to this: on Friday night/Saturday morning I lost my phone and have been using his to text a few people including my mother. This morning (I spent Friday-Tuesday at his) she called and he answered. Blah blah blah long story short I told him she didn't know about him (playing hard to get, acting cool etc when really she knows everything from his apartment's floorplan to his inside leg measurement) and later facebook messaged him saying "I told my mum u are my boyfriend haha sorry hope u don't mind". THREE AND A HALF HOURS LATER he replies with "haha what do u think my mom thinks. there was no other way to explain it to her". WHAT IS THAT? I basically gave him an opening and he throws it in my face. I also happened to look AWFUL on the day I left his (should have taken my makeup off instead of sleeping in it 2 days in a row really) which is making me think any thoughts he had of taking things further may well have melted away along with my mascara faster than you can say "Regan MacNeil". I just need some opinions before I contemplate death by chocolate.

OP posts:
Changing2011 · 03/05/2011 21:15

you are v needy.

stoppinchingthedummy · 03/05/2011 21:15

Sorry can you shorten this im finding it hard to read :/

chirpchirp · 03/05/2011 21:17

I don't understand? He also told his mum you're his girlfriend, whats the problem?

FabbyChic · 03/05/2011 21:18

Why do you need to have a label? Surely if you have been together three months you are boyfriend and girlfriend.

SandStorm · 03/05/2011 21:18

What do you mean by 'make me his girlfriend'? I didn't think there was such a rite of passage.

burgerclub · 03/05/2011 21:19

How bloody long is it going to take for him to realise how wonderful I am and make me his girlfriend?!?!?!?!!?!?!

What would this consist of?

BluddyMoFo · 03/05/2011 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Champersonice · 03/05/2011 21:19

You are just wasting your time...

LaurieFairyCake · 03/05/2011 21:20

'make you his girlfriend' Confused

what the fuck is that?

Take it easy, see how it goes, relax and do something about your low self-esteem - if you're worried he would be put off you because of mascara Hmm you need to do some thinking about who you are and how comfortable you are with who you are.

RancerDoo · 03/05/2011 21:21

So he told people you are his girlfriend, he introduced you to some of his family and you want something else?

You then lied and told him you hadn't told your mum about him, before pretending you had only just told your mum he was your boyfriend. He responds in kind and you accuse him of "throwing" something - not sure what really - in your face.

Hum. It sounds like you are playing games with him. And I am not sure what he is supposed to do to make you his girlfriend. Has he omitted to carve your name into his arm or something?

Original poster
klapaucius · 03/05/2011 21:21

Thanks BluddyMoFo I really appreciate your words. I do think it's going well too but I always think the worst and read too much into things. It's just the way some people are I suppose.

OP posts:
Zooo · 03/05/2011 21:23

Did you misunderstand his message on FB?

It sounded like he told his mum you were together.

Original poster
klapaucius · 03/05/2011 21:26

LaurieFairyCake and RancerDoo I'm not sure either but I would have thought he'd say something like "I would like us to be in a relationship" or something along those lines. He's said that we're seeing eachother but I want something more official.

Zooo yes that is what he said but he has also said to me that his mother doesn't like him having casual flings and things along those lines. So to me it sounds like he's told her that so she'll be happy with him.

OP posts:
NurseSunshine · 03/05/2011 21:28

If you think he is the type of man to be put off by lack of make up then I think you need to kick him to the kerb and find someone decent Hmm Or perhaps spend some time being single and working on your self esteem.

DontGoCurly · 03/05/2011 21:32

It's been 3 months!

calm down OP or you'll suffocate him. You are his girlfriend but it doesn't get conferred on ya like a title. It just happens.

Don't be over-analysing it so much, just enjoy.

Original poster
klapaucius · 03/05/2011 21:32

NurseSunshine I wish it was lack of makeup - more like melted off MAC Studio Fix powder which was then reapplied somewhat hastily before melting off again at a later stage. Think: "Whatever happened to baby jane". Not pretty

OP posts:
Original poster
klapaucius · 03/05/2011 21:37

DontGoCurly true... to be honest I really didn't think the girlfriend thing just "happened" without any kind of verbal communication or confirmation. Does it really? I do think that's really good advice. I would hate to think I'm suffocating him :(

OP posts:
DontGoCurly · 03/05/2011 21:40

Yes, it definitely does just 'happen'
I'm a terrible over analyser myself so I know what it's like! The only thing I would do if I were you is ensure you two are exclusive.

I also insisted on mutual STD tests Blush when we started sleeping together !!!

But I am very controlling!!! Although I do my best to hide it! Grin

Georgimama · 03/05/2011 21:41

How old are you? Genuine question.

And were these FB exchanges PMs or on walls?

HellNoSayItAintSo · 03/05/2011 21:44

Is this an excerpt from one of those dire fluffy Bridget Jones-esque novels?

squeakytoy · 03/05/2011 21:45

Dear god.... you both sound about 15!!!

Newgolddream · 03/05/2011 21:46

Surely if you are "seeing" someone for 3 months then you are boy/girlfriend?

troisgarcons · 03/05/2011 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

BluddyMoFo · 03/05/2011 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
klapaucius · 03/05/2011 21:49

Thanks, DontGoCurly I really appreciate what you're saying. Also that does seem like reasonable and logical advice. Relieved that there are other terrible over analysers out there!

And well, he did say that he had only seen me since we met approx. 3 months ago. That is ahem not exactly true for me (I was casually seeing someone else on/off when we met and didn't stop until I was sure I liked him and that he liked me too). But yes, he did say to me that he didn't want to see anyone else and he didn't want me to either. I don't know. Its just he used to be such a "player" and he's still relatively young, still goes out a lot etc.

Haha yes so am I! I try too but I fear glimpes of it emerge sometimes...

OP posts:
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