to ask how you lot would deal with my MIL?

You cease all contact with your MIL, and refuse to allow the children to be in her presence, trying to get a child to lie, snatching a biscuit off of them, buying other grandchildren things when all the grandchildren are together is fucking plain wrong.

She is mistreating your children and it is down to you to stop it.

Ring her tell her that until she treats them all the same she can fuck off.

Your dh should have supported you immediately.Your dc do need such a poisonous relationship and need protection from these emoyionally abusive people.Any grandparent who behaves like that has forfeited the right to be called grandparent and any man who puts his family ahead of his wife is a disgrace-when he married you his first loyalty should always be to you and your dc ahead of his family.

I would keep away from the nasty old bat and keep your kids away too. Let her wipe her feet on your DH is he allows it but make a stand yourself!!

How long has this gone on? If your dh can deal with it then thats best but if he cant (like mine) then you have to detatch yourself from it or confront them yourself. I have been very depressed since the birth of dd 12 wks due to pils and i now realise dh isnt ever going to sort it effectively so i have distanced myself and am more forcefull about what i want to happen,it doesnt sound as if your dc's are happy when with them anyway.

i agree with the others,stay away,she doesnt deserve grankids,what a horrible person,you need dp to back you up,what did he say after?

Disgusting behaviour

Cease ALL contact with this poisonous bitch and if your H doesn't like it show him the door.

And tell him he may NOT try and sneak the DCs to his mother's behind your back.

Make it clear that this will continue until your MIL apologises sincerely to you and and your DCs.

You need to make if clear to your DH that his first priority/loyalty is to you and your children. He needs to grow a pair and stand up to his family and make it clear that their behaviour is unacceptable.

If she's horrible to your children what's the point of staying in touch? It's not like they will have any significant relationship with her- all they'll have will be memories of growing up and seeing their GPs doting on their cousins and treating them like dirt.

I would have a serious talk to your DH.

Oh dear Lord, this is just so wrong, isn't it? And you know it, don't you? I agree with FabbyChic and pranma - your MIL has to now bear the consequences of her behaviour, and you don't have to have anything whatsoever to do with her. Your husband also needs to get himself a reality check, and maybe your clear and obvious ditching of the MIL will do the trick.

I would cut contact. I have done it with my MIL, and at first dh tried to persuade me otherwise, but he has finally accepted that it's not going to happen. The next time I will see either MIL or FIL will be when one of them dies and I have to see the other at the funeral.

I have a vicious MIL who made her loathing of me no secret from day one, no matter how much I tried. After a particularly bad time a couple of years ago I have nothing to do with her and refuse to allow her anywhere near my DC. Luckily DH agrees with me and does stand up to her in a way you DH doesnt but I would still stand my ground if he didnt.

Would you allow a stranger to treat your children like this? Bullying them, lying to them, threatening them, trying to get them to lie? Of course you wouldnt so why the hell would you allow family to do it?

Tell her in no uncertain terms that she no longer exists as far as you and the children are concerned.

Your DH is at fault here. His responsibility is to you and the children and he didn't protect any of you. Agree with the posters who suggest cutting out the visits unless the children want to go with their father. I'd steer clear if I were you given your mutual antagonism.

Something's odd though... either your DP really doesn't have a backbone if the events are as described, or he doesn't agree with you. HE is where I would be focusing my attention, I think. Either to stand up for you all or move in with mummy dearest himself.

I would keep a MIL like that away from my kids. I don't think they have anything to gain from contact with her. I would tell her that she won't be seeing them unless they are treated kindly and fairly. By the sound of it it doesn't sound like MIL will be that bothered as she doesn't seem to like them very much - her loss.
If DH wanted to visit it would have to be on his own. Don't let him talk you into putting the kids in a situation which is basically abusive.

explain to DH that you will not tolerate her behaviour and mean it ,cut all contact with them,they will be the losers, SHE IS TOXIC,

Avoid her like the plague. Your kids shouldn't have to put up with being treated like that by their own grandmother. You've given your DH ample oppurtunity by the sound of it, to deal with his mum and stand up for his own family. He hasn't for whatever reason, that's sad. His DC will be so disappointed in him if they aren't already.

I wouldn't usually say cut out grandparents and aunts and uncles etc, but your DC can't be getting anything out of seeing this lot.

why in gods name did you agree to go on holiday with them if they are all that bad?

I agree with the other MNers telling you to cut contact.

To be honest, I wouldn't even bother ringing her to let her know. I would just not respond when she phones, and if your DH wants to talk to her, then he can let her know that she will have no further contact with your DC until she can restrain herself from bullying them. I would be this blunt with your DH, and tell him that under no circumstances will you allow your DC to have any contact with her until she learns to be a decent human being.

It should be up to your children if they want to see their GPs. If they are as bad as you've described, the answer will be 'no', won't it?

she doesnt like you,she doesnt like your children! simply avoid having any thing to do with her. your dh should see ils on his own, and when questions are asked about why you or your dcs are not with him let him explain why. she is mean and nasty and you and your dcs deserve to be treated better than that by all of them!.I always ask myself "would i let a stranger treat my dc like that" ...being related to someone does not give them the right to act badly,she needs to know that you will not put up with your dcs being treated in that way.

God, she sounds like my Ex MiL, snidey little actions and words and then denial or feigned innocence .

Grandparents are supposed to be a source of love and a bit of spoiling in my book but was stunned at how many are just so far off from that.

I would reduce contact as much as you can because my DS is now 13 and detests his Nana, and whilst I have a great love for the elderly in general, she had done very little to earn his (or DD's) love and respect

My DC's Nana is now protesting she doesn't know what she has done wrong and is very good at acting sweet and frail when it suits.
The DC's Dad defends her and applies emotional pressure on them to make allowances and is getting bothered now that he will have to explain why they don't want to see her. . Also failed to deal with her behaviour here so the damage is done.

You don't need the stress so could you have 'other plans' when things are arranged with the in laws?

You must stop contact for the sake of your children....they will have their self esteem damaged and for them to see you being treat like that is unacceptable....explain everything to your husband and stand firm with your decision....from what you say your MIL doesnt want a relationship with you or your children anyway so why carry on when it is clearly causing you and your children stress and worry you dont need...
Life is too short...enjoy it ..spend time with people who make you happy!!!
Good luck xx