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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Wonder About MIL wearing black for our wedding?

93 replies

gogo678 · 02/05/2011 10:30

Marrying DP in 3 weeks time (eee).
MIL has taken ages to find outfit. has chosen black suit with tiny cream dots on, patent black shoes and a patent black handbag.
AIBU to wonder what she's saying?
History is that in the last year we have had some issues with her over her taking over house and dd when she visits. DP has had words with PILS about house stuff. She is also very jealous of my mum who sees dd a lot more regularly.
I thought it was all sorted and we were getting back on track with them until I found out this...
Normally I'd say black to a wedding fine but don't most people accessorise with colour rather than more black?!

OP posts:
brizzagirl · 03/05/2011 15:39

I mean apart from...

TobyLerone · 03/05/2011 15:43

My MIL wore black at my wedding. She was most definitely sending a message.

DumSpiroSpero · 03/05/2011 15:55

I'm with skyblue - it would be nice if she'd checked whether it bothered you first.

My mum wore an ivory suit with a navy top to my wedding as it coordinated with the bridal party. I wore a black & red outfit to my best mates wedding last year for the same reason (dd was a bridesmaid in ivory with scarlet trim & I was doing a reading so didn't want to clash) - I did ok it with her first though.

DumSpiroSpero · 03/05/2011 15:57

BTW my MIL didn't even bother to buy a new outfit for our wedding - she wore the same hideous outfit she'd worn for older bil's big day the year before.

Quenelle · 03/05/2011 16:03

I think black to a wedding is fine. I'm not a fan of pastels, or bright colours.

Perhaps your MIL took so long searching for the perfect outfit because she's self-conscious. If she found out you were upset about the colour it won't help relations much.

I would definitely ask her if she wants a corsage.

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 03/05/2011 16:16

I think the black shoes and bag are a generational thing to match to the outfir though.
My Mum is a similar age and wouldn't choose to accesorise a black outfit with coloured shoes and bag...they would definitley have to be black.
I think you may be overthinking this a bit and letting other things cloud her judgement.

startail · 03/05/2011 16:17

Oh Dear! my going to Weddings this summer dress is white, with big black and green flowers, a green shrug and green shoes and DD1's is black with abstract flowers of bright pink, blue, green and yellow. She had a black shrug and hair piece for the wedding in April. We're going to another wedding in the summer and I'd like to find her a brighter cardigan. (The dress cost more than mine and will be worn to all posh events forever, or until it falls apartWink - DD1 is a curvy teenager, who hopefully will get a bit taller, but no wider)

BanalChelping · 03/05/2011 18:57

Why can't you wear green to a wedding? I've never heard of that before!

The saying goes "green before mourning" and wearing green to a wedding is supposed to bring bad luck to the bride and groom.

meditrina · 03/05/2011 19:18

I thought it was inadvisable only for the bride herself, not guests.

I found this old rhyme, and another theory about green:

Married in White, you have chosen right,
Married in Blue, your love will always be true,
Married in Pearl, you will live in a whirl,
Married in Brown, you will live in town,
Married in Red, you will wish yourself dead,
Married in Yellow, ashamed of your fellow,
Married in Green, ashamed to be seen,
Married in Pink, your spirit will sink,
Married in Grey, you will go far away,
Married in Black, you will wish yourself back.

A green dress is thought to be unlucky unless the bride is Irish. The old expression that a woman has a 'green gown' was used to imply promiscuity, the green staining being due to rolling in grassy fields.

PlopPlopPing · 03/05/2011 19:19

Shit I never knew that (mentally goes over every outfit ever worn to a wedding) phew that was lucky!

Come to think of it I didn't notice anyone at the royal wedding wearing green. Just not in fashion or they are all aware of this.

giveitago · 03/05/2011 19:25

Sorry if it's been asked before but is your mil italian. I see lots pretty much all guests at italian weddings wearing black. Is it that? I even wear black to Italian weddings now as it's so much easier and isn't out of place.

fashioncrisis · 03/05/2011 22:21

DH & I stipulated summer colours to be worn, with the emphasis it was to be a summer party/celebration...hence warm colours.

Only one person disrespected our wishes....my MIL.

It worked in our favour TBH because the 100+ other guests all dismissed her in a negative way & gave us the ouble whammy!

rubyrubyruby · 04/05/2011 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeadfirstForHalos · 04/05/2011 11:00

YABU Even if she is wearing it to annoy you, just gush at how lovely she looks- you will be the better person and her "plan" (if there is one) will be scuppered.

HeadfirstForHalos · 04/05/2011 11:01

Oh dear, i had a red and black wedding dress- it's been 10 years and I'm not wishing myself back or dead quite yet Grin

TobyLerone · 04/05/2011 11:12

I wanted to get married in black. My MIL said it "made a mockery of the idea of marriage" and wouldn't allow it.

I'm pretty sure the subsequent divorce made more of a mockery of the idea of marriage Grin

I got married in pink instead. And the rhyme seems to hold true for me!

confuddledDOTcom · 04/05/2011 11:56

Ignore her, if anyone thinks anything it will reflect on her not you. Don't give her the chance to get one over.

I'm wearing burgundy and gold for my wedding and the people who are making my dress are going to come to dress the guests so I don't have any worries about people clashing with me because they won't bring anything that will (not a bridezilla, honest! I'm having a medieval wedding, not a fancy dress wedding the dressers do film work dressing extras the outfits cost £200 just for made to measure hire)

RatherBe, you do really women are supposed to wear buttonholes upside down, don't you?

CarefulWithThatAxeEugene · 04/05/2011 17:08

I cannot understand why anyone should be thinking of anyone but themselves when choosing their own outfit. You might want to avoid wearing the same as somebody else, but that's about it.

I am staggered by the number of ways in which it seems possible inadvertently to cause offence to some people.

As for somebody trying to "stipulate" what I wore, well, fuck 'em, I'd stay at home and so would their present.Angry

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