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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Wonder About MIL wearing black for our wedding?

93 replies

gogo678 · 02/05/2011 10:30

Marrying DP in 3 weeks time (eee).
MIL has taken ages to find outfit. has chosen black suit with tiny cream dots on, patent black shoes and a patent black handbag.
AIBU to wonder what she's saying?
History is that in the last year we have had some issues with her over her taking over house and dd when she visits. DP has had words with PILS about house stuff. She is also very jealous of my mum who sees dd a lot more regularly.
I thought it was all sorted and we were getting back on track with them until I found out this...
Normally I'd say black to a wedding fine but don't most people accessorise with colour rather than more black?!

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 02/05/2011 11:11

Buttonholes - I never remember who is supposed to buy the buttonholes but usually both mums have them if that's any help Confused. Probably not!

MarioandLuigi · 02/05/2011 11:11

My MIL wore black morning dress to our wedding.

She fucking hates me and the feeling is mutual.

Sorry :(

MarioandLuigi · 02/05/2011 11:12

mourning

Original poster
gogo678 · 02/05/2011 11:12

I work in horticulture so my friends are helping me do all the flowers. Not sure I've ever done female button holes for a wedding before!! Must google now.

OP posts:
WhiteBumOfTheMountain · 02/05/2011 11:12

My MIL wore JEANS to my wedding...with a stripey jumper with holes in the cuffs.

People were Shock andwhispering about the pics....I would not give my MIL the pleasure of a rumpus though and made sure she was prominent in all the pics!

She looked a bugger.

Black is fine. Your MIL mght not be good at accesorising...

Salmotrutta · 02/05/2011 11:16

@ WhiteBum - Shock - that's awful! Did anyone say anything to her???

lesley33 · 02/05/2011 11:17

I would wear black shoes and have a black handbag at your wedding. I don't wear stuff like this often so this is the only court shoes and handbag I own. I chose black because I thought it was supposed to go with everything.

whimsy · 02/05/2011 11:20

I can see what your saying but then again my MIL and both SIL's wore white and cream to our wedding Hmm She also told DH it wasn't too late to back out on the morning of the wedding Shock
14years later and were still going strong and I still talk to her Wink

WhiteBumOfTheMountain · 02/05/2011 11:25

No I did not Salmon I ignored it...she was ridiculous.

It was an attempt at reverse upstaging....but she just looked like a crazy woman and nobody gave her the satisfaction. Smile

WhiteBumOfTheMountain · 02/05/2011 11:26

Do MIL a buttonhole....my Mum didn't get one at my brthers wedding and she was pee'd off!

Jaquelinehyde · 02/05/2011 11:31

I wore black to my own wedding, nothing wrong with it as far as I'm concerned.

Mothers should be offered a corsage, either to pin on or wear on wrist if preferred. Ask before you make them up though as some people hate them.

Original poster
gogo678 · 02/05/2011 11:32

Surely if my mum doesn't have one though there's no reason to get pee'd off?
I really hate buttonholes/corsages and would like to do less for the men than I have to!
Flowers I am allowed to get bridezilla about - everyone bar none will be scrutinising them at my wedding.

Lesley33 - But MIL has bought the shoes especially and dp, me dp's db and fiance have bought her the handbag (to her strict specification). I would understand if it was because she already had them a bit more.

OP posts:
Maiasaurus · 02/05/2011 11:36

Ask her if she'd like a buttonhole. Not all outfits lend themselves to a great big flower pinned on, but if she'd like one and doesn't get it she will be miffed.

lesley33 · 02/05/2011 14:47

I would ask her if she wants a corsage. It is fairly common for both mothers to be given these - so its really not worth creating upset by not providing one if wanted.

I still don't see anything wrong with her outfit tbh. At one time it would have been thought to be wrong, but I really don't think the rules are as strict now. And lots of women wear black as it is seen as slimming - she won't want to look awful in the photos. I would personally have worn black shoes and a black handbag with the outfit described - but I am probably crap at accessorising and would have seen these as a safe choice.

And I can understand her being jealous if your DM sees DD more than her. I know it is natural for you to want to spend more time with your own mother; but MIL is DD's GM too.

pigletmania · 02/05/2011 15:27

My MIL wore black to my wedding but she is between a size 28-30. So mabey it was more complementary.

EssexGurl · 02/05/2011 15:39

I thought that Posh looked fab in her black outfit to the royal wedding on Friday. Also, Kate had worn black to a friends wedding recently and looked fab - even though fashion commentators were a bit unsure. I think that it can look great. My sister and I thought that at the RW Carole looked wonderful but a bit to pale - as did Camilla. So, going too pale can be a bit upstaging the bride, whilst black will contrast.

I think you are overthinking. I told my friends to wear what they felt comfortable in to our wedding - our witness had a navy suit and looked lovely in that , she was a bit self conscious of her weight and didn't want to wear a dress.

NoWayNoHow · 02/05/2011 15:45

gogo, sorry not read rest of the thread, so apologies if I'm repeating!

If it were me, I wouldn't ever wear black to a wedding. Just something my mother taught me was not acceptable (same goes for white are any variation on that theme). Having said that, that's just what I would do because of how I was brought up.

Unless your MIL attaches those same connotations to colours at weddings, then I think you probably have nothing to worry about.

As her what she thought of Victoria Beckham's outfit at the royal wedding (my first thought was "she looks like she's going to a funeral"! Grin )

If she says anything like what I thought, then she probably is making some kind of statement by wearing black, as it would show that she at least has an awareness of how black at a wedding can be perceived.

A weird long shot, I know!

CheshireDing · 02/05/2011 17:46

gogo678 it's odd but I would not worry about it, just enjoy your day.

My Mum wanted to wear white on my wedding day and she had already bought the dress, I told her no and that she would have to buy something else. We are quite direct in our family though and it works for us (most of the time).

We gave both our Mums a buttonhole flower - just made it a bit more girly than the boys ones.

catchmeifyoucan · 02/05/2011 17:47

Meh. I wore black to my own wedding. I don't think it was a statement although...............

Grin
CarefulWithThatAxeEugene · 02/05/2011 18:09

She's probably gone for something that she can wear again and again for different occasions, and so would I. Black for weddings may have been beyond the pale at one time, but nowadays not so much. As someone said, it's been ratified, so to speak, by the widely-published pics of KM wearing black to a wedding.

parakeet · 02/05/2011 19:03

I often wear black to weddings as I wear a lot of black generally as I find it slimming.

What the heck does it matter what she wears? Ignore.

RatherBe · 02/05/2011 19:10

My MIL wore black to our wedding (including a very large black hat) and then pinned on her buttonhole upside down. I was left with a definite impression of a message being sent!

skybluepearl · 02/05/2011 19:14

i wore a black dress with tiny spots to a friends wedding but asked how my friend felt about it first. it would be polite for your MIL to do the same.

Sapphirefling · 02/05/2011 19:15

Ex MIL wore a white dress with white hat and veil to my wedding.

OP, if I was you, I wouldn't consult her about a corsage - I'd just present her with a huge one made from a sunflower Wink

unsurevalentine · 02/05/2011 19:16

She either has weight issues or

She hates you Grin