Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To Wonder About MIL wearing black for our wedding?

93 replies

gogo678 · 02/05/2011 10:30

Marrying DP in 3 weeks time (eee).
MIL has taken ages to find outfit. has chosen black suit with tiny cream dots on, patent black shoes and a patent black handbag.
AIBU to wonder what she's saying?
History is that in the last year we have had some issues with her over her taking over house and dd when she visits. DP has had words with PILS about house stuff. She is also very jealous of my mum who sees dd a lot more regularly.
I thought it was all sorted and we were getting back on track with them until I found out this...
Normally I'd say black to a wedding fine but don't most people accessorise with colour rather than more black?!

OP posts:

saffy85 · 02/05/2011 19:33

I wore black to my SIL's wedding, much to MIL's horror. I was 4 months pregnant, skint and it was only thing that fit that I could afford. No double meaning. Can't remember accessories... they may well have been black too.

kaid100 · 02/05/2011 20:06

Compared to how my MIL acted for our wedding (and at my wife's sister's) I think that you're getting off lightly if a black dress is all you have to worry about.

home79 · 02/05/2011 20:08

I wore a mainly black dress to sis's wedding. As its slimming. I would like to think she wouldn't read anything into it.

Original poster

gogo678 · 03/05/2011 06:58

She's pretty tall and willowy anyway. Not sure she needs to looker slimmer!
Thanks all for your comments.

OP posts:

onceamai · 03/05/2011 07:23

I'm surprised how many think black is appropriate at a wedding. A guest might nowadays get away with some black but not a principal guest. I always thought that guests should never attend a wedding in black or white/cream for that matter.

PlopPlopPing · 03/05/2011 07:31

Sapphirefling Was that a joke about your ex MIL wearing white and a veil?!

op I wouldn't worry about it. Just concentrate on gettingready for your wedding and don't worry about what MIL is going to wear, it is her choice after all and there's not much you can do about it. Although perhaps casually in conversation that you think that black outfits often look stunning accessorised brightly.

Boobz · 03/05/2011 07:55

ooo, sausagesandmarmalade - is your dress from Ted Baker?

Piggles · 03/05/2011 08:13

At the risk of sounding really dumb, I didn't even know it was frowned upon to wear black to a wedding. That bit of etiquette seems to have passed me by. Is it possible she doesn't know either and is unaware of what her wardrobe choice is saying to you?

My MIL actually wore all black to my wedding, but as she seems to like me I will assume it wasn't some coded message that completely passed me by

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/05/2011 08:33

OP... Perhaps your MIL to be wanted an outfit that she can wear again for other occasions so wanted something not so traditionally 'wedding-y'. Perhaps she looks good in black and particularly likes 'dots'? Perhaps she doesn't like you, doesn't think you make much effort to include her and perhaps it is a subtle 'snub'?

Your posts read to me that you're more concerned with what other people will read from your MIL's outfit, that they will think she doesn't like you/approve of the wedding. You're marrying into a family and with that comes some responsibility to develop/build on relationships.

If you can bring yourself to perhaps take your MIL out for a coffee and cake or at least extend an invite to something before your wedding, you might be able to circumvent any hurt feelings on the day. If your guests can see that you have a relationship with your MIL, the colour of her outfit won't make a jot of difference.

Don't be a 'bridezilla'.. I really hate that term , and for goodness sakes, don't foist a buttonhole on your MIL, it will be the equivalent of a tomcat marking its territory. Compliment your MIL on her choice of classic outfit instead. :)

sprinkles77 · 03/05/2011 08:46

does she normally wear black? My mum wore the same black dress to my brother's wedding and to mine. I wore black to my brother's. We wear a lot of black in my family. I wouldn't worry.

lesley33 · 03/05/2011 08:58

sapphire - I remember you posting this before - how awful. I always think though in situations like yours, that the best response is just to ignore it. All the guests will just think the MIL is being awful and will never believe anything she says afterwards about her DIL being difficult.

lesley33 · 03/05/2011 09:01

In terms of black at a wedding, I always think would the person wear that to a funeral. And no you wouldn't normally wear a black suit with small white spots on it, unless you were very young and nothing else. I don't think what she is going to wear is a funeral outfit.

melikalikimaka · 03/05/2011 09:05

There was a guest at the royal wedding wearing a black outfit which did look a bit gloomy, but she wore black tights with it which made it worse.

Saying that my Mom wore a black dress with polka dots on it and she wore a cream hat and shoes, she looked nice. She was a large lady and had a job finding anything that looked good.

There may be a good reason for her outfit, but I think a protest is probably the last reason she has chosen it.

wotnochocs · 03/05/2011 09:14

Cos it's slimming!

BanalChelping · 03/05/2011 09:31

I have to say that I think that wearing black or green to a wedding is terribly bad form and your MIL would know this (also I think dark colours look shit for a spring/summer wedding). My MIL wore dark green to our wedding, scowled in all of the pictures and changed into scruffy jeans with socks and sandals for the evening reception. It was a definite statement about her feelings. I guess when she dies I'll just have to wear bright red to her funeral

LittleOneMum · 03/05/2011 10:26

My Mum wore a black dress to her own wedding (lovely evening dress). Second marriage. I think it's fine!

PlopPlopPing · 03/05/2011 14:32

Why can't you wear green to a wedding? I've never heard of that before!

queenred · 03/05/2011 14:41

If this were any other 'common or garden' guest, or indeed any OTHER guest, it would not matter at all. But as it is your mil, think people will see it as some kind of statement. 'Look at me. My son is dead to me!'

On the other hand, maybe she thinks nothing of it.

All depends on whether or not she likes you, I suppose.

queenred · 03/05/2011 14:43

People might think it a bit of faulty etiquette if anybody other than mil wore black, but they would not think it was a statement IYSWIM.

rubyrubyruby · 03/05/2011 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrandyAlexander · 03/05/2011 15:02

My MIL wore white to my wedding. I didn't react when she showed it to me beforehand and told her that it was a lovely outfit. It was, just not for the wedding of her son but there didn't seem any point getting into that. That would be my reaction OP, don't react and just get on with your day.

ledkr · 03/05/2011 15:02

Its probably nothing but just in case it is to p you off dont forget to tell her how fabulous she looks and how lovley the outfit is. Always killem with kindness

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/05/2011 15:04

I wore a black (floral) dress to my brother's wedding.... and I meant it.

MollyMurphy · 03/05/2011 15:05

I wouldn't worry about it hun. I think black is more common at weddings these days. My bridesmaids were told to just pick out whatever black dress they wanted for example. Definately not worth mentioning to her.

brizzagirl · 03/05/2011 15:39

Perhaps she is channelling Victoria Beckham's look at Will and Kate's wedding? (well about from the baby bump at 58 I;m presuming lol!!)
Wearing black says a lot more about her than it does about you, you will look gorgeous and she will be much more in the background so don't worry about it and enjoy your day (and if it is hot and sunny she will be far too hot wearing black )

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread