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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a little irritated that I have not heard from DH for a week

62 replies

Themumsnot · 01/05/2011 12:42

DH went off on a week's adventure holiday last Sunday. I am quite happy about that, in fact I encouraged him to go, as he has been working very hard lately and needed a break. However, although I know that for part of the week he will have been without a mobile phone signal, I also know that for the rest of the time he will have been near enough to civilisation to enable some form of communication. He is due back at some point today - I don't know when exactly. I have texted him several times, but no reply as yet.
AIBU to be a bit annoyed at the lack of contact? He took two chargers for his phone btw.
OK, I know I am probably AIBU, but wanted to vent here so I don't go all sulky on him when he finally turns up with a broad smile and a large sack of dirty laundry.

OP posts:
femalevictormeldrew · 01/05/2011 12:46

YANBU at all.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 01/05/2011 12:47

Irritated? I'd be hopping!

squeakytoy · 01/05/2011 12:47

I wouldnt be too impressed either.. Have you tried to ring him?

BarbaraBar · 01/05/2011 12:47

yanbu

MrsVidic · 01/05/2011 12:48

I would hit the roof, do you have dc? They must miss him loads

JaneFonda · 01/05/2011 12:48

YAB(a bit)U - it would have been nice for him to text you to let you know that he arrived safely etc., however, you're not his mother, if he's going away for a break, as horrid as it sounds, he might need a bit of a break from you too!

Please, try not to be in a mood with him when he gets back - it'll put a real downer on the whole thing.

Instead, act happy (even if you're not) and get him to tell you all about it. Men are men, I'm afraid, and don't often realise the importance of a text/phone call.

NunTheWiser · 01/05/2011 12:49

YANBU at all. A one line text to let you know he was OK and when to expect him home is hardly a big ask, is it?

BertieBasset · 01/05/2011 12:49

I guess it depends on what your pattern of communication is? For me and DH we speak/text everyday or if we couldn't would arrange a definite time to get in contact but we have small dc's so i might need to get hold of him.

I don't think yabu unless you agreed not to have contact.

BabyYoureAFirework · 01/05/2011 12:50

That's bollocks JaneFonda. Of course they realise the importance of it, they just can't be arsed Hmm

OP yanbu. It's basic courtesy to have brief contact while he's away.

Georgimama · 01/05/2011 12:51

I'm sure JaneFonda could also arrange for you to be lobotomised, if you fancy it OP.

I really hate this "men are men" line of argument.

PollyDecker · 01/05/2011 12:52

I think you're more likely to be hopping mad after venting on here and seeing all the YANBUs actually...will most likely fire you right up for his return.

Oh, and yadnbu. V out of order to be out of contact for the whole week. I'd be hopping.

GitAwfMayLend · 01/05/2011 12:53

I don't know if YABU or not. DP went to France on Friday morning, other than a call Friday lunchtime to say 'I am in France' I have heard nothing.

Mind you he is going somewhere with no electricity, so can't charge his phone, and is notoriously dodgy signal.

So I knew communication would be scant. I am not worried at all.

If you knew he was somewhere with bad signal, well you knew that communication would be erratic. So no point in being pissed off really.

Normal communication for DP and me is call/text several times a day. This is an unusual situation for us, can't remember the last time we didn't speak in a day. So I understand that you might be feeling a bit bereft (I am, a bit) but there is a reason behind it.

theghostofposhlymanor · 01/05/2011 12:53

Well he's shot himself in the foot there hasn't he. You're hardly going to 'encourage' him to go on a weeks holiday on his own in the future now are you?

GitAwfMayLend · 01/05/2011 12:54

Make him wash his own bloody laundry, though.

D0G · 01/05/2011 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PollyDecker · 01/05/2011 12:56

X-posted. Just picking my chin up off the floor after JaneFonda's post!

JaneFonda · 01/05/2011 12:56

Well, if you're going to be angry, he's hardly going to look forward to coming home is he.

SmethwickBelle · 01/05/2011 12:57

If my DH did that I would be hurt, because it would indicate that he didn't even wonder how we were getting on, if the kids were OK or want to say night night to them, at least a couple of times.

DH does go away on occasion as much as three weeks away at times and I might not hear from him every day and I never know which bloody flight he's on (although he emails me the details).... but he still checks in along the way.

It depends on your relationship, the children's ages and whether they are bothered - clearly it is bothering you and that is important so I'd say YANBU.

animula · 01/05/2011 13:00

JaneFonda - you sound uncannily like my mother.

But my mother is (officially) a bit barking and in serious denial about her own abusive marriage.

These two facts often flavour the "advice" she gives others.

I'm not saying that this is true for you - but I just wanted to share this info. It's not that often I read a poster on MN who sounds like my dm.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 01/05/2011 13:02

Ha ha ha ha ha at him not looking forward to coming home because you might be cross. Tough shit. It surely was not beyond his wit to make a 30 second call when he could to check that you hadn't all gone under a bus?

Ephiny · 01/05/2011 13:02

YABU, and a bit needy/controlling. DP and I sometimes go on holiday on our own or with a group, I wouldn't contact him or expect him to do the same unless it was an emergency or I had something particular to say that couldn't wait until I/he got back. It honestly would never occur to me to do so. It's only a week!

animula · 01/05/2011 13:03

That said, I think pollydecker may have a point about the likely result of reading the replies, OP. Grin

Georgimama · 01/05/2011 13:04

Do you have children Ephiny? Because I cannot imagine not communicating with mine for a week whilst away. And DH wouldn't do it either.

GitAwfMayLend · 01/05/2011 13:06

Yes pollydecker has a point.

OP will be fired up, her DP will walk in the door and she will shout 'you selfish BASTARD' I am going out, feed the kids'

Grin

Funnily enough after no contact for 2 days DP has just text me a picture message of him with his thumbs up next to a great big brown cow with horns Hmm

JaneFonda · 01/05/2011 13:07

"JaneFonda - you sound uncannily like my mother.

But my mother is (officially) a bit barking and in serious denial about her own abusive marriage.

These two facts often flavour the "advice" she gives others.

I'm not saying that this is true for you - but I just wanted to share this info. It's not that often I read a poster on MN who sounds like my dm."

Well, I'm certainly not in an abusive marriage, but thanks for sharing that info. Hmm