On a scale of "no biggie" to "really annoyed" how would you react to your SIL forgetting your dc's birthday?

[Escallonia]

It is ds's birthday this weekend (he's turned 4). It is pretty clear that SIL has forgotten to send a card or a present. We are not meeting up in the near future so can't be holding on to it. There are no extenuating circumstances such as new baby, new job, house move etc. She hasn't rung to say Happy Birthday.

I know it can be tricky with all the bank holidays to get something in the post, but all other aunties / uncles, godparents, grandparents and even a few of my friends have sent a card and perhaps even a present in time.

However ds hasn't noticed and obviously has plenty of cards, presents and fuss. So I can't work out how annoyed to be about it! Some of me feels pretty sad and cross that she hasn't remembered her DNephew's bday. Part of me thinks it doesn't really matter, and it's just a bit crap of her but I shouldn't say anything or get wound up by it.

How would you respond?

I'll add that I almost never remember to send a card or present to either my brother or BIL on their birthdays. Given that they both share a birthday with DS, I really ought to remember, but I get so caught up organising his I forget everyone else's!

Depends what she would expect. When I first married I remembered the dh's sisters birthdays although it was unreliable in return. When I had ds1 (a long time ago) SIL1 did little to acknowledge, SIL2 did the right thing. SIL 1 made a huge issue of sending a pair of shorts with a picture of Thomas the Tank Engine on them when DS1 was about 2. They were cheap and too small by the time they arrived - there was a running commentary about them for about three months from MIL. When SIL 1 had a baby we sent presents (a feeding set - handmade with a very unusual name painted on), clothes, etc.. For his first birthday I sent some beautiful hand embroidered vests (that was all he wore - they live in Australia). SIL had by then regularly forgotten all of our birthdays and according to MIL was so poor she couldn't phone home often. After the vests, which I think were 95% cotton, I got a call from MIL "SIL1 says if you send clothes again, could you please make sure they are 100% cotton, SIL1 doesn't like anything synthetic, she's a grubby hippy she likes everything natural and holistic in her life". I have never ever sent anything else - not a card, not a present, for SIL1 or any of her children.

No biggie. Dh has 4 neices and nephews, and he loves them all dearly. But he normally forgets to send a card etc, though he will normally ring. I'm hoping he will remember more now we have our own DD!

I have no idea whatsoever when any of my DP's nephews birthdays are. Although to be honest, I have never been big on dates. I would forget my own birthday if other people did not remind me of it!

So, another "no biggie" here.

Completely no biggie. I only expect cards and presents (and even then, I'd rather my house wasn't filled with loads of new toys) if I invite family to a party.

Likewise, I only tend to buy nieces and nephews presents if my children are invited to their parties.

Like you say, your son hasn't noticed, so don't make a big thing of it yourself.

Funnily enough this happened with DD's 3rd birthday last month. She eventually sent a present and apologised but she has ONCE (in almost 14 years) remembered my birthday even though it is 5 days before hers and makes a HUGE fuss if someone forgets hers so I did get annoyed. But on a scale of one to 10 only a 3 or so as DD hardly ever sees her and would never remember she hadn't got a present from them.

No big deal-my brother and SIL forget more years than they remember.

It was my uncle's birthday yesterday - I'm renowned for forgetting birthdays.

In fairness I have not received any gifts since my 14th birthday from any family including parents so don't think biggie over other people's birthdays.

My mother called and said yesterday 'don't suppose you stuck a card in the post for your uncle it's his birthday today', I said 'no, if you want me to acknowledge give me a call 5 days before not on the day then I'll stick card in the post'.

You don't KNOW they've not got anything going on in their lives that might have distracted them... for all you know her left breast might have fallen off or something that they didn't want to share with you but has rocked their world upside down. Might not warrant exemption from birthday duties on your side but it might be enough to have pushed putting a card in the post down their list of mental focus.

Some people are shit at remembering birthdays - I have all hubby's family (including the SIL I cannot stand) dates written in MY diary because he forgets otherwise.

I'll also mention we're coming out of a mammoth run of bank holidays - it's a quite distinct possiblity stuff's got lost in the post or other more nefarious things (does happen if stuff's in an obvious birthday card type envelope).