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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

On a scale of "no biggie" to "really annoyed" how would you react to your SIL forgetting your dc's birthday?

84 replies

Escallonia · 30/04/2011 19:40

It is ds's birthday this weekend (he's turned 4). It is pretty clear that SIL has forgotten to send a card or a present. We are not meeting up in the near future so can't be holding on to it. There are no extenuating circumstances such as new baby, new job, house move etc. She hasn't rung to say Happy Birthday.

I know it can be tricky with all the bank holidays to get something in the post, but all other aunties / uncles, godparents, grandparents and even a few of my friends have sent a card and perhaps even a present in time.

However ds hasn't noticed and obviously has plenty of cards, presents and fuss. So I can't work out how annoyed to be about it! Some of me feels pretty sad and cross that she hasn't remembered her DNephew's bday. Part of me thinks it doesn't really matter, and it's just a bit crap of her but I shouldn't say anything or get wound up by it.

How would you respond?

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/04/2011 19:49

I'd agree with the posters who say that YOUR sibling should remember their nieces and nephews birthdays. IL's are extended family really but don't always have the bonds that your siblings should have to you.

PeachyPossum · 30/04/2011 19:49

I got it in the neck from DH sister when a present was late - umm, talk to him? I have kids, job, my side of family etc to worry about and am not chief fucking present buyer, he is more than capable.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 30/04/2011 19:50

Honestly?

If she would be equally laid back if I forgot her child's birthday, I'd be fine.

If I knew that if I forgot her child's birthday, holy hell would break loose, I'd be mad.

CareyFakes · 30/04/2011 19:50

No biggie here. I'd only be miffed if a close member of my family forgot DD's birthday, otherwise, extended or friends, I'm not fussed.

trixymalixy · 30/04/2011 19:51

Lots of people aren't great at remembering birthdays, me included. There is no malice intended, I'm just not great at remembering.

It annoys me how it's my job to remember my DH's families birthdays though, why not his?!?!

Original poster

Escallonia · 30/04/2011 19:52

Great answer Hecate! I suspect she would be like me - probably in person brush it off, say not to worry etc etc but privately be a bit pissed off. Without thinking it worth making into a big confrontation / argument.

OP posts:

diddl · 30/04/2011 19:52

Well, no extenuating circs that you know of!

TBH, I would have been nnoyed if 1st bday forgotten, I think.

After that--meh!

And your son hasn´t noticed-so no "biggie"!

zest01 · 30/04/2011 19:52

Oh my goodness, I missed a dn birthday once. I don't know how, it just slipped my mind completely (we have a fair few neices and nephews). Noone said anything to me but my sil fell out with me big time. She told EVRYONE that I forgot (except me!) even my exh and basically didn't talk to me for months.

So speaking on the other side of the fence, I would say it's an easy mistake to make and let it go. It's really not worth the fallout over what was probably a simple over sight.

squeakytoy · 30/04/2011 19:53

its really not a big deal

MrsPennySworth · 30/04/2011 19:53

So... She's married to either your or your dp's brother??

I don't understand why you're annoyed at her and not your/his brother? Why does it always fall on the woman in the relationship to remember these things?

I have to admit I struggle to remember my in laws and their childrens birthdays and have to check with dh.

In answer to your question though I would be caught between 'slightly annoyed' and 'it's no biggy'.

Conflugenglugen · 30/04/2011 19:53

No biggie. None at all.

Original poster

Escallonia · 30/04/2011 19:53

CareyFakes - is your husband's sister not a close member of family?

Realise I should have clarified which type of SIL in my post now! Agree that it is not up to a sibling's wife / partner to be in charge of remembering birthdays on his side of the fmaily!

OP posts:

Conflugenglugen · 30/04/2011 19:54

Sheesh - I forgot my own birthday once! (So you can see why I would vote "no biggie".)

ConfessionsOfAnAchingFanjo · 30/04/2011 19:58

My own sisters have trouble remembering MY birthday, let alone DS's. I've learnt to pretend to get over it.

pozzled · 30/04/2011 19:59

No biggie here at all.

But then my DH is rubbish not always very good at remembering his family's birthdays, and I certainly don't do it for him. So we'd look ridiculous if we got annoyed at other people forgetting our family's birthdays!

CareyFakes · 30/04/2011 20:00

Escallonia I'm not married, nor have I a partner . Makes no odds to me

diddl · 30/04/2011 20:01

I forgot my husbands b/day once-& our wedding anniversary-he has never forgotton that or my bday.

LifeOfKate · 30/04/2011 20:01

I would be a bit miffed if my/DH's parents forgot our children's birthdays, but nobody else really.
Also, you can't know that there is absolutely nothing else going on in her life. As a random example, she could have been to the doctors recently about a worrying lump/mole and be currently waiting for scans/results and just hasn't told family yet. Just a thought :)

MrsPennySworth · 30/04/2011 20:01

Sorry I just read your later post saying it's dh's sister - I'd probably be slightly annoyed if she completely forgot and never mentioned it again... Our children often receive late presents from my dh's sister and ours are sometimes late for her boys too (although they do live abroad so we are posting everything). But because we are both as disorganised as each other neither of us takes offence by it

blindmelon · 30/04/2011 20:05

Hmm, well I would never forget my brother or sister's kids birthday and I think I would be a bit miffed if they forgot my kids. However I'd give at least a week or so grace period for a card to arrive- we are often late in my family!

I think a lot of people aren't getting that she is immediate family, to your DS anyway- he is her brother's child so she really should remember!

I wouldn't be bothered enough to tell her but I would be inwardly slightly miffed and would expect an apology when she finally did remember!

blindmelon · 30/04/2011 20:05

I think a lot of people aren't getting that she is immediate family, to your DS anyway- he is her brother's child so she really should remember!

I wouldn't be bothered enough to tell her but I would be inwardly slightly miffed and would expect an apology when she finally did remember!

kw1986 · 30/04/2011 20:05

I would prob be a wee bit miffed. My sis completely ignored/forgot my DD's bday this year. Im pretty annoyed as she couldnt forget as its only a few days before her sons. I don't expect a present or even a card, just an acknowledgement would be nice: A quick text or facebook to wish a happy birthday is fine.

issey6cats · 30/04/2011 20:06

my sisters and i have never bought each others children presents or cards for birthdays or christmas or each other for that matter no biggie sorry

A1980 · 30/04/2011 20:10

I'd forgotten when my own birthday was once or how old i was going to be.

"There are no extenuating circumstances such as new baby, new job, house move etc."

So there is no other life stress other than the above? Everyone on this website seems to have plently of problems other than the above.

mole1 · 30/04/2011 20:11

None of my dc's aunts/uncles ever remember their birthdays!! I'm used to this as it has always been this way since birth. None of them live nearby and they're not close to my dcs (several live abroad in fact). My dcs have other people who are my/dh's close friends who are more like aunties/uncles to them, and remember their birthdays. I don't think it's a big deal.

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