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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

On a scale of "no biggie" to "really annoyed" how would you react to your SIL forgetting your dc's birthday?

84 replies

Escallonia · 30/04/2011 19:40

It is ds's birthday this weekend (he's turned 4). It is pretty clear that SIL has forgotten to send a card or a present. We are not meeting up in the near future so can't be holding on to it. There are no extenuating circumstances such as new baby, new job, house move etc. She hasn't rung to say Happy Birthday.

I know it can be tricky with all the bank holidays to get something in the post, but all other aunties / uncles, godparents, grandparents and even a few of my friends have sent a card and perhaps even a present in time.

However ds hasn't noticed and obviously has plenty of cards, presents and fuss. So I can't work out how annoyed to be about it! Some of me feels pretty sad and cross that she hasn't remembered her DNephew's bday. Part of me thinks it doesn't really matter, and it's just a bit crap of her but I shouldn't say anything or get wound up by it.

How would you respond?

OP posts:
caughtinanet · 30/04/2011 20:11

Total no biggie - one of my siblings never remembers my DCs' birthdays, they've never been bothered and as I live my life in fear of forgetting a family members birthday I certainly wouldn't judge someone else who did.

ggirl · 30/04/2011 20:12

vergiing largely on the no biggie side here

EggyAllenPoe · 30/04/2011 20:17

no bigie.

generally if i want a celebration for my kids, i ring round to ensure people have remembered. if i haven't bothered reminding them, i can hardly be annoyed...I don't expect them to remember by themselves, i find it pretty easy to forget myself...

EllieG · 30/04/2011 20:20

No biggie. I always forget my neices/nephews - DH should remember - they are more related to him - so they always get their presents late. SIL/BIL are same with our DC - no one minds - is all very relaxed.

floweryblue · 30/04/2011 20:23

If DS hasn't noticed, I'd say don't worry about it. It's a bit crap of her, maybe, but she might have things going on you don't know about.

Cymar · 30/04/2011 20:32

No biggie if they genuinely forget, but really annoyed if you've given them notice at least 5 times in the week before the birthday and they still forget.

Annoys me when you go to the effort to be in when relatives tell you they're coming down to drop something off and have a quick natter, but don't turn up and don't give a quick call/text/FB message you to let you know they won't be able to make it.

NanaNina · 30/04/2011 20:50

Oh my god - your life must run like clockwork if that is all you have to worry about. As you say a 4 yr old isn't going to notice he hasn't got a card from Auntie xxx
Is your H as worked up about this trivial matter as you are - if so he could point it out to her..........but talk about don't sweat the small stuff.............

notcitrus · 30/04/2011 21:37

I'm sure my SILs that I care about have no idea when ds's birthday is as DH's family just don't really do birthdays. The other SIL will send a card but has refused to meet DH or me or ds for two years.

I know which I prefer - chaotic caring family every time! Though I do remind DH's parents to send him a card after he was really chuffed when my parents sent him one in time for his birthday. And now ds is old enough to comment.

Longtalljosie · 30/04/2011 22:02

I forgot one of my nephew's birthdays this year, and one of my best friend's daughters. I was, and still am, mortified. But I've been suffering badly with a slipped disc and - although this sounds stupid - dealing with the pain has been a full-time job and everything else has flown out of my mind. Your SIL may have a lot on? Be under huge pressure at work? Be generous - you may think you'd never do this, but you might...

IgnoringTheChildren · 30/04/2011 22:07

My brother hardly even acknowledges my 2 DS let alone sends birthday cards. On top of that my father sent DS1 his 1st birthday card late and completely forgot both his 2nd and 3rd birthdays! I've never said anything to him about it but I have bitched about it massively to my DH and friends.

HeadfirstForHalos · 30/04/2011 22:11

Very slightly irked at first, then chill and think no biggie.

elphabadefiesgravity · 30/04/2011 22:16

No biggie for me either.

I would never forget one neice's birthday becasue Xmas Eve is a memorable date but only remember my other dneice and dnephew when mum reminds me or we get a party invite.

And I see mybrother 3 times a week as we work at the same place.

FunnysInTheGarden · 30/04/2011 22:21

Why are you annoyed at you SIL and not your brother? It's his sister. I routinely forget my DN & N's bithdays. It's up to DH not me.

Heifer · 30/04/2011 22:58

I have to admit that I completely forgot my nephews 13th birthday last week.. Didn't realise for 5 days until I read something on FB...

I just didn't know the date of his birthday, yet know the date of 4 out of 6 of my other newphews.. I even managed to post a birthday card to my eldest newphew in NZ...

As soon as I realised I phoned to apologise, not a call I was looking forward to as I knew SIL wouldn't be impressed...

She was gracious though and said it didn't matter, when I know it does matter, no excuses I shouldn't have missed it..

HipHopOpotomus · 30/04/2011 23:30

My SIL has never remembered anyones birthday!

SE13Mummy · 30/04/2011 23:37

One of my DH's sisters (he has two) didn't acknowledge DD1's 3rd birthday and another year didn't mark mine in any way either. I didn't notice that she missed mine until MiL asked what SiL had sent me but I must confess to being disappointed when she didn't send DD1 a card/ring her. It was a feeling of disappointment, not annoyance and I mentioned it to no-one other than DH.

megapixels · 30/04/2011 23:48

No biggie. I forget birthdays all the time and everyone in our family is more or less the same! No one keeps count or does any tit-for-tats either.

proudfoot · 30/04/2011 23:53

No biggie at all

bubblecoral · 30/04/2011 23:55

Another no biggie

MummyTubb · 01/05/2011 00:01

YABU - it's no biggie.

Just because she hasn't had a new baby, new job, or new house, doesn't mean she hasn't got plenty of other things going on in her life.

Your DS may be the centre of your life, and his birthday may be the most important day of your year, but you have to remember he is not the centre of everyone else's life as well.

bleedingstill · 01/05/2011 00:15

I never commemorate my many nephews and niece's birthdays . I m their favourite aunt

MCos · 01/05/2011 00:20

No biggie - myself and my family forgot nephews & nieces birthdays all the time. A pressie may be given 3 months later or not at all.

I do well to remember what month my nieces and nephews were born, not a chance of remembering the date..
The only present I think my DDs are entitled to is one from DH & I. Any other family pressie is a bonus.

EllenJane1 · 01/05/2011 00:20

No biggie. I used to try to remember but if you don't see them that often it's not exactly high on list of priorities. I'm better at remembering if my kids have a party to go to! With 3 nieces, 1 nephew, 1 grand-niece and 3 grand-nephews I just do Christmas now.

Is this your PFB? Maybe cards etc aren't so important to your SIL as they are on your side of the family.

missnevermind · 01/05/2011 00:42

DH brother and sister have never sent our 3 DC birthday cards and our eldest is 13 in a couple of weeks. DH's DB has never sent Chrismas cards either. Neither of them send cards to the adults.

cat64 · 01/05/2011 00:45

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