to let DD sleep in my bed

[Iwishiwasaprincess]

DD (21 months old) is, for whatever reason, going through some sort of separation anxiety and is refusing to sleep in her own bed. She will sleep in my bed (with me) without issue.

She won't nap unless I lie down with her.

DH is adament that she should 'get over it' and forces her to go to bed in her room (cue HOURS of wailing, until she finally gives up, only to start wailing again in the early hours of the morning when she wakes).

He's been away this week and I've let DD sleep in my bed - we have had briliant nights sleep all week (so much so, I'm now awake and she is still asleep along side me).

I don't mind her sleeping with me, I actually quite like having her close to me and I hate putting her to bed when she is so upset. my take on it is that she will grow out of it. So, AIBU? If DD sleeps in my bed, then DH has to sleep in the spare room, which I appreciate isn't ideal. DH feels that I'm 'making a rod for my own back'

I am lying here now while my 3.3yo dd is fast asleep beside me where she has been (not continuously!) since she was 6 months old. She has her own room but has never slept in it, DH is currently in there. We're not that great at sleeping together as we're both light sleepers and I love having dd here but I will have to address it soon I guess. It's a very individual thing, works great for us but I think it needs agreement on both sides to avoid resentment.

Thanks for the reply.

I have to admit: I hadn't thought of her still being like this in a years time! Her brother is coming up 3 and is brilliant at sleeping in his own bed!

I just hate listening to her cry. She is so upset and there have been a few times I've gone and got her from her room, and she is literally asleep in my arms, she is so tired. I just feel it's better that at least we all get some sleep.

She is a child who requires physical contact. She is alseep still, but cuddled right up to me. She just needs that touch to make her feel secure.

How would you feel if it was you in the spare room every night and your DH and DC asleep in the main bed?

to be fair, there is an equal number of times that I end up in her single bed with her and DH sleeps in our bed.

Even when she does fall asleep in her own room, she will be up between 11-1 screaming to get out again. DH doesn't do nights (whole other story)

Yip another one here with their little one next to thm. He's a lot younger (4 mo) and was asleep in a cot for most of the night. I've brought him in here because I'm at my parents and hey who doesn't love their baby asleep next to them? :)

The only thing is though is I can completely see why your dh may mind if it means he's booted out the bed! But if she's crying for hours I can see why you'd go get her. My dh freely admits that he finds our ds cries less upsetting than i do. I'm not too sure what the answer is but if she's previously slept in her bed surely shell do it again. Can you see anything that's triggered this off?

Hang on. DH doesn't do nights?? Hmm so he wants Dd to sleep in own bed hence increasing night time dealings but he won't get up during the night to help out? Bloody cheek

No, can't think of anything that's changed as to why she is now so clingy (only at nighttime, she isn't desperately cling during the day).

There is nothing wrong with her. She will stop crying the SECOND she knows you are coming to get her and, as I said, often (once she knows she is being taken to my bed) she will be asleep before I even lie her down... she is THAT shattered!! (but, conversely, if I tried to put her down alone in her bed, she would start screaming again)

I don't know where she gets the stamina from. She has all but dropped daytime naps (unless I lie down and sleep with her). It's like she can't switch off.

DS (5) is rubbish at sleeping in his own bed. He is such a restless sleeper that he keeps banging himself on the wall or the rail at the side of the bed and often does a 180 degree turn during the night. Obviously this restlessness is not great in our bed so we ended up buying a double bed for his room. We can lie down with him when he wakes up without putting our backs and necks out, we can slip out easily when he drops off and there is more wriggle room for him so he wakes up far less.

Another one here!! My DD is 2.1 years and is exactly like the OP's DD, will scream for hours then again between 12-3. So she has for the last 3 months slept in a travel cot in my room.

I'm beginning to make the transition by firstly putting her in the cot awake whilst I lay and watch tv to get her asleep at 7:30pm.

My next step (prob next week) is to start leaving the room so she will start going to sleep on her own.

Then eventually get her to go in her own bed, no idea how i'm going to tackle this last bit yet.

Aim for the most sleep for the greatest number of people. However you get it is fine.

You're nto going to look back at her baby days when she's 21 and think - "The most wonderful thing about her was that she slept in her own bed. it was so worth the 2 hours of screaming every night that we endured to achieve it. I think tha was the best thing we did for her."

Just read your second post OP and my DD is again exactly the same. I've tried to sneek her into her own bed when shes zonked out but its like she has a rador and wakes instantly.

Her new trick now is to cry for 5 minutes then make herself sick, as she knows I have to get her out of bed to change her and bedding etc.

Oh, God Hairybeaver - My DS used to make himself sick... KNew it was a sure fire way of getting sent home from nursery. He can't do it anymore (He tries, occasionally!) thankgod!!

Does your DD not mind being in a cot? My DD wouldn't countenence the idea!! Though, I do like the double bed idea...

No she likes being in her travel cot in our room, think its because shes in our room. When she had a cot in her own room, she hated it so I put a bed in and she still hates it.

I've even considered the idea of putting her in her room with baby monitors so she "thinks" shes in our room.

I've tried everything else! CC was a diaster, if she didn't puke then 3 hours later she was still crying and getting out of bed. She's so stubbern its unbelieveable.

My daughter suddenly decided she wouldn't go to sleep on her own, even for naps, a couple of months ago - she's now 9 months old. It's fine as long as I don't have anything else I need to do at the beginning of nap time. She also starts waking up very early every morning at about 2am and won't go back to sleep unless she comes into our bed. My husband wants to try to get her used to sleeping in her own cot all night but I am resisting, as I know it'll involve tears and sleeplessness all round. I'm just hoping that one night she won't wake up till morning and that'll be the problem solved!

Can I just say to Gwendolinemarylacey - Your response on the other thread (about the wedding) was brilliant... No point in commenting on that thread, as it will be lost in the ether... but I love the line 'who thinks we give a shit that you don't give a shit'. Inspired.

DD still asleep next to me. DS still asleep in his bed. :-)

Emma - I would really nip this in the bud now. Thats how my DD started and now I have images of her being 12 and still in a travel cot in our room

I think YANBU to want her to sleep with you but I do think YABU to expect your DH to sleep in the spare room. It may not do your relationship much good in the long run, especially if he feels "pushed out" by the baby. Could you get a king size bed (if you haven't already got one) and all share?

We never co-slept with the first two but DD clearly loathed her crib from day one so it was just easier for her to sleep with us. It never occurred to us for DH to sleep anywhere else though.

DH finds it next to impossible to sleep with a child in the bed. He is a light sleeper (rather like DD!)

It's not so much that he minds sleeping in the spare room, as that he feels we should be tougher with DD (otherwise, like Hairybeaver, DD will be 12 and still in with us)

Oh no Hairy - that's exactly what I was hoping someone wouldn't say! I think I know you're right really, I'm just v. apprehensive about the whole thing and I hate hearing her cry. She's my second child, my first daughter went through a spate of coming into our bed once she was out of her cot and into her own bed... I did "rapid return" for a couple of weeks and it was horrific for all of us.

Dd 7, still spends some of almost every night in with us.

It's no biggie in the scheme of things.....I doubt (feckin hope) they won't be doing it when they're 16....

"It may not do your relationship much good in the long run, especially if he feels "pushed out" by the baby."

We are, presumably, talking about an adult human being here?

You're clearly not a psychotherapist then seeker

Yes, and I have to point out, that putting her in her own room hardly makes for a peaceful night together!!