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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this playdate went a bit wrong?

74 replies

Reallyusefulengine · 27/04/2011 21:00

Dear all

I have terrible butterflies writing this. But I would really, really like your opinion, I had a m/c a month ago and I am not sure if I am thinking straight, so need some advice.

I met two friends last week for a play-date, each has a DC. I have been avoiding the world for a little bit as I am feeling a bit wobbly - I went on the playdate with 2 friends who fully understood this. On the playdate my DS, who is 3.5 blew a raspberry at my friend who is 16 weeks pregnant. He has done this to me before and it is incredibly irritating, he covers you in slobber. In the morning in question (I sound like a copper) he bumped into some nursery friends and they were all doing it and they thought it was hilarious.

Anyway, on the playdate, my DS blew the raspberry, my friend screamed 'he spat in my face' and pushed him really hard and reeled and fell over. I saw it, because I was sitting with her, and it was a tremendously hard push. He was very upset. He is not traumatised for life but I do feel I shouldn't see this friend again. I scooped up both my DC and headed for home.

I am pissed off because I was there and I would have dealt with it. I am pissed off that she hurt him and pissed off because she texted my a shitty apology. And I really don't think that this can be blamed on pregnancy hormones, surely that's letting the side down? The other friend who was there was shocked and has vowed never to leave her child with her under any circumstances and isn't sure if she wants to stay in touch with her.

I should add that this friend is not a fan of small boys. And she is prone to some extraordinarily rude comments and can be very unreasonable. I have always been happy to let this pass until now.

What do you think I should do and am I being unreasonable if I don't want to see her again?

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 27/04/2011 21:01

She sounds like a dick. YANBU.

RitaMorgan · 27/04/2011 21:03

She pushed a 3 year old over?

No one wants to be covered in child slobber, but that is a totally unreasonable reaction. I wouldn't want to see her again either.

anniepanniepears · 27/04/2011 21:04

what age is she , she sounds very imature and a bit of a plonker

Nixea · 27/04/2011 21:04

I don't think YABU at all. Sounds like your friend really over-reacted to the situation. If it was me I'd be mad that someone I trusted would be that confrontational without allowing me to speak to my child first.

MinesaGandT · 27/04/2011 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

purplepidjin · 27/04/2011 21:04

An adult pushed a 3yo so hard he fell over? YANBU!!!

millie30 · 27/04/2011 21:04

She sounds ridiculous, YANBU.

onepieceofcremeegg · 27/04/2011 21:05

She sounds very unpleasant. What was her apology. Something along the lines of sorry if you were upset or otherwise "blaming" you and absolving herself of responsibility.

Any apology would need to be genuine and face to face imo. Even then there would be no guarantee of you accepting it/seeing her again.

tbh if she is genuinely rude and unreasonable anyway not sure what you are gaining from the friendship??

Plumm · 27/04/2011 21:05

YANBU. My DD loves licking my face and I HATE it, but I'd never push her away!

MmaIvvy · 27/04/2011 21:05

Oh God she can't push a child ffs even if he had deliberately climbed on her and spat in her mouth which clearly he didn't.

I would tell her I find her behaviour shocking and that I hope she doesn't use physical things like this on her children or she could end up in serious trouble. Then never bother with her again.

Vallhala · 27/04/2011 21:06

No-one is ever unreasonable if they don't want to see someone again, regardless of reason. There is no obligation upon any of us to have socilal contact with anyone we don't like. That;s not unreasonable.

I'm just intriged as to why, if she's rude and can be very unreasonable, you've tolerated her thus far?

(And wants details of rudeness because I'm nosy so I can decide how justified you are. :o ).

Lovemy2babies · 27/04/2011 21:06

YANBU

Mumwithadragontattoo · 27/04/2011 21:06

She is an adult and she should not have pushed your son over even if she thought he had deliberately spat at her. It may have been a reflex reaction but if so she should have apologised immediately not later by text. YANBU if you don't want to see her again.

Georgimama · 27/04/2011 21:06

She sounds awful. YANBU at all.

Bohica · 27/04/2011 21:07

YANBU. She pushed your 3y old over because he blew a raspberry in her face? wtf?

What did her text say & how did you respond to it? I would not have been polite back tbh.

MrsGravy · 27/04/2011 21:07

YANBU, she pushed your child over! Jesus wept!! Of course it's unpleasant to be spat at but that kind of reaction is scary. I wouldn't want anything to do with her.

LordofthePies · 27/04/2011 21:07

Okay to be annoyed if covered in slobber.
Definitely not okay to push a small child like that.

saffy85 · 27/04/2011 21:07

YANBU. It is annoying when small children develop quirks like this (my DD is the same age talks about nothing but poo and bums at the moment) but really your friend has overreacted big time. Think you should have said something to her then tbh.

buildabridge · 27/04/2011 21:08

Angry for you. YANBU.
No excuses, you don't push a child. End of. Poor you and DS. It's only a slobberyraspberry, not hydrochloric acid! Silly woman.

NinkyNonker · 27/04/2011 21:08

YANBU, at all.

colditz · 27/04/2011 21:09

Cut contact entirely.

i'd be considering asking her HV service to keep an eye on her after she has that baby too - anyone who shoves a toddler over like that isn't going to be a very kind mother.

WhiteBumOfTheMountain · 27/04/2011 21:09

She assaulted him basically. Little kids DO gross things....and smetimesother peoples little kids do goss things...but this was WELL ut of order. Ignore her.SHe sounds unstable

buildabridge · 27/04/2011 21:09

Oh, and you are doing really well to be getting out and seeing people only a few weeks after a M/C. Been there, didn't cope well. :(

Onefunmum · 27/04/2011 21:09

I think flisspaps put it best.

mamzellerougier · 27/04/2011 21:10

YANBU at all.

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