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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this playdate went a bit wrong?

74 replies

Reallyusefulengine · 27/04/2011 21:00

Dear all

I have terrible butterflies writing this. But I would really, really like your opinion, I had a m/c a month ago and I am not sure if I am thinking straight, so need some advice.

I met two friends last week for a play-date, each has a DC. I have been avoiding the world for a little bit as I am feeling a bit wobbly - I went on the playdate with 2 friends who fully understood this. On the playdate my DS, who is 3.5 blew a raspberry at my friend who is 16 weeks pregnant. He has done this to me before and it is incredibly irritating, he covers you in slobber. In the morning in question (I sound like a copper) he bumped into some nursery friends and they were all doing it and they thought it was hilarious.

Anyway, on the playdate, my DS blew the raspberry, my friend screamed 'he spat in my face' and pushed him really hard and reeled and fell over. I saw it, because I was sitting with her, and it was a tremendously hard push. He was very upset. He is not traumatised for life but I do feel I shouldn't see this friend again. I scooped up both my DC and headed for home.

I am pissed off because I was there and I would have dealt with it. I am pissed off that she hurt him and pissed off because she texted my a shitty apology. And I really don't think that this can be blamed on pregnancy hormones, surely that's letting the side down? The other friend who was there was shocked and has vowed never to leave her child with her under any circumstances and isn't sure if she wants to stay in touch with her.

I should add that this friend is not a fan of small boys. And she is prone to some extraordinarily rude comments and can be very unreasonable. I have always been happy to let this pass until now.

What do you think I should do and am I being unreasonable if I don't want to see her again?

OP posts:

cottonreels · 27/04/2011 21:11

Yanbu. Sorry you had a shit day when you were trying to be brave. Do something nice tomorrow, Im sure itll be a better day.

felicity10 · 27/04/2011 21:12

YANBU at all. Even if he had been really naughty that would have been over the top, he was being cheeky and pretty standard small boy activity! Don't let this put you off meeting up with your friends, just perhaps not that one for a bit!

LouMou · 27/04/2011 21:14

Jesus what will she do if the new baby is a boy. YANBU.

Summerbird73 · 27/04/2011 21:16

no no and a big fat no

YADNBU she is an appalling woman - do not accept the apology and do not see her again (if poss - I know how difficult that can be with playdates)

SugarPasteFrog · 27/04/2011 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Reallyusefulengine · 27/04/2011 21:20

Oh my, thank you for your posts. I feel overwhelmed with relief. Thank you all and Buildabridge no, I wouldn't have gone on he playdate but she was pushing for it and wanted to 'check' on me so I went along with it. And I agree, I am having difficulty just doing the most basic of tasks so this knocked me for six. Am so sorry you m/c too

vallhala She has made comments in the past about my DD. She insinuates that she is too small for her age. She is 18 months and tiny (I am small too) but was climbing a tree today so I am not worried in the slightest bit about her. She eats really well and is happy. I did notice my friend stepped it up a notch when she visited the other day and was obviously being a bit spiteful. I imagine she might be having a bit of a hard time adjusting to the thought of two. Her DP took a year off work to help her with the first but has had to return now her DD is 3.

OP posts:

WhiteBumOfTheMountain · 27/04/2011 21:27

Bloody awful woman. So sorry abou your recent loss too...she is doubly evil in the case that you just had a miscarriage!

Lookafter yourself and don't go near her again!

Original poster

Reallyusefulengine · 27/04/2011 21:39

Colditz Do you really think I ought to mention it to her HV?

She is 38 btw.

My only concern is that she is considering opening a nursery in her home when her Dc are a bit bigger. Do you think I ought to be acting on that or is that just me being a bit spiteful and angry?

OP posts:

bringmesunshine2009 · 27/04/2011 21:41

Yee Gads YANBU

Feels a bit like the Slap, where I had some sympathy for the guy doing the slapping (until he turned out to be a misogynistic creep however I digress), but this is different.

If someone pushed DH for an innocent child action, it would be all I could do to stop myself bludgeoning them to death. Okay maybe a little extreme, but I would be properly furious. Particularly when feeling so fragile. Poor you. xx

purplepidjin · 27/04/2011 21:46

Bloody hell, how do you think she'll cope with that kind of behaviour, and worse, on a daily basis?? Opening a nursery is the worst possible career move for her!

ilovesprouts · 27/04/2011 21:46

you are nu i would of pushed her A.O.T [cangry] if she would have done this to my ds

BanalChelping · 27/04/2011 21:53

Spitting is disgusting - I can't tolerate it - but a child blowing a raspberry is NOT spitting, it's just a little boy messing about. If your friend can't deal with that she is ill-equipped to be a parent, let alone run a nursery. As for pushing over a three year old, words fail me. She's lucky you didn't drop her on her arse.

jammyscone · 27/04/2011 21:54

You are not being unreasonable (as I think everyone has made clear by now! :)) She obviously totally overreacted, and I wonder why? Perhaps she's a bit of a hypochondriac about germs while pregnant?

PercyPigPie · 27/04/2011 21:54

So sorry to hear about your MC - it can leave you feeling very unsettled for a while, but no, I do not think YABU. I wouldn't fall out with her, but I would find a few excuses not to meet up or keep your meet-ups short and bland until they fade out.

PS: I would have been a bit annoyed to have been spat at too, but would not have shoved a child.

rosie1979 · 27/04/2011 21:57

WTF!? I would have pushed HER over, what a cow! I was reading this as it was ds and HIS friend who pushed him over. How can an adult feel it appropriate to do this?

valiumbandwitch · 27/04/2011 21:57

does she think her baby will never be 3 and a half?

Original poster

Reallyusefulengine · 27/04/2011 22:01

Can I ask, I asked in my original post.. you don't think this can be justified because she's pregnant? I don't think so personally, I hate being pregnant but have usually just attacked the fridge

OP posts:

Summerbird73 · 27/04/2011 22:08

being pregnant is no excuse to push a child over - and i have been super-hormonally pregnant

RabidRabbit · 27/04/2011 22:08

Awful behavior, pregnant or not. No adult has the right to use such force on a 3 year old child because they blew a raspberry fgs. I have had similar aged children do it to me, and my reaction was to laugh and then playfully but meaningfully tell them to be careful not to spit in faces - not bloody push them over with such force that they go flying off their feet.

I'd have no problems at all with telling her to piss off and learn some patience/restraint, and then piss off again.

SugarPasteFrog · 27/04/2011 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pixie100 · 27/04/2011 22:11

I don't think you are being un-reasonable at all -
an adult being physical to a small child is totally out of order under any circumstances.

also, if she was a good friend she should have been more in touch with how you are feeling, especially considering that it's not long since your m/c ...

it's hard to cut contact with people, but seeing less of her/spending less time with her doesn't sound like such a bad idea. you don't need to be/get stressed by so called 'friends'.

good luck
x

FreudianSlipOnACrown · 27/04/2011 22:11

What did her apology text say?

creamcracker · 27/04/2011 22:17

Really being pregnant does not excuse anything, to push a child is wrong under any circumstance.

If she was to be caring for other peoples children in the future then yes I would make my concerns known.

You just don't push anyone - let alone a child.

Salmotrutta · 27/04/2011 22:17

She's bonkers and behaved very badly. YANBU.

Did you say her DH took a year off work to help her with their first child????

Diggs · 27/04/2011 22:23

She sounds vile before the pushing incidant . Some people love to have someone to chip away at , it sounds like shes got no boundrys and i wouldnt see her again under any circumstances .

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