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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this playdate went a bit wrong?

74 replies

Reallyusefulengine · 27/04/2011 21:00

Dear all

I have terrible butterflies writing this. But I would really, really like your opinion, I had a m/c a month ago and I am not sure if I am thinking straight, so need some advice.

I met two friends last week for a play-date, each has a DC. I have been avoiding the world for a little bit as I am feeling a bit wobbly - I went on the playdate with 2 friends who fully understood this. On the playdate my DS, who is 3.5 blew a raspberry at my friend who is 16 weeks pregnant. He has done this to me before and it is incredibly irritating, he covers you in slobber. In the morning in question (I sound like a copper) he bumped into some nursery friends and they were all doing it and they thought it was hilarious.

Anyway, on the playdate, my DS blew the raspberry, my friend screamed 'he spat in my face' and pushed him really hard and reeled and fell over. I saw it, because I was sitting with her, and it was a tremendously hard push. He was very upset. He is not traumatised for life but I do feel I shouldn't see this friend again. I scooped up both my DC and headed for home.

I am pissed off because I was there and I would have dealt with it. I am pissed off that she hurt him and pissed off because she texted my a shitty apology. And I really don't think that this can be blamed on pregnancy hormones, surely that's letting the side down? The other friend who was there was shocked and has vowed never to leave her child with her under any circumstances and isn't sure if she wants to stay in touch with her.

I should add that this friend is not a fan of small boys. And she is prone to some extraordinarily rude comments and can be very unreasonable. I have always been happy to let this pass until now.

What do you think I should do and am I being unreasonable if I don't want to see her again?

OP posts:

Grumpla · 27/04/2011 22:28

Yanbu.

Makes me feel a bit sick as my ds went through a stage of biting people recently, I only thought I had to worry about looking after the person he bit, but can only imagine the sort of retaliation someone like that might dish out to a bite / smack from an overexcited toddler. Jeez.

PumpkinBones · 27/04/2011 22:35

I would be livid, and YADNBU - BUT I had a friend who freaked when my DS1 tried to feed her some of her food from his fork when we were both pregnant - she has a massive CMV paranoia as her nephew was affected.

But, tbh, she doesnn't sound like a friend worth making allowances for. I wouldn't see her again either. I think you did the right thing just to pick up and leave.I'm not surprised the other friend is also considering cutting contact - she sounds horrible.

Original poster

Reallyusefulengine · 27/04/2011 22:47

Her test did say, in her defence, that she was disgusted with herself. But her wording read : 'I am sorry that I pushed him and sorry that he stumbled and landed on his bad knee and made it look worse for you'. I was there and saw it and he stumbled because she pushed him so hard. The 'bad knee' she mentions is because he had fallen down some stairs 10 minutes before and his knee was bleeding. I had sat him beside us as he was crying. He had just cheered up when he blew the raspberry/spit/slobber. Oh flipping hell.

OP posts:

twoistwiceasfun · 27/04/2011 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Clytaemnestra · 27/04/2011 22:58

That text isn't being disgusted with herself, unless there is a bit you haven't mentioned? Because that text says "Sorry I pused him, but actually it wasnt that bad and he fell on his bad knee and then acted up for sympathy I didn't do anything wrong"

Don't see this woman again, she sounds utterly not worth the effort.

Original poster

Reallyusefulengine · 27/04/2011 23:14

Thanks all, she did say that she understood if I didn't want to see her again. She didn't respond to my response though, which was:

XXXXX this is a very halfhearted apology. If you push a 3 year old child really hard they will stumble and fall. I was there! You had no right to touch my child without my permission. You certainly had no right to hurt him. You seem to think he had some dark and awful motive for blowing a raspberry at you. I agree it was an incredibly irritating thing for him to do, but I was there and I would have dealt with it. I am deeply concerned that you have enough rage in you to hurt a child. And xxxx, that is not a 'childish reaction', it is brutal and horrible.

OP posts:

AmyStake · 27/04/2011 23:35

She pushed a 3.5 year old over? What the bicycling christ is wrong with her?!

I wouldn't see her again, she has shown herself today that she is no friend of yours. What a cow.

Morloth · 28/04/2011 03:03

Just ditch her. I just got back from playgroup where there were a bunch of snotty kids all leaking all over each other and all the mums. That is what kids do.

No-one got violent with any of the children, because they are children.

Sounds crazy, do not engage.

anonymosity · 28/04/2011 03:29

I don't know what I would have done, I think you were very restrained to simply leave. You did the right thing.
A texted apology is a cop-out.
She sounds awful and deeply unprepared for parenthood. I thought being pregnant made women (it did me, everyone I knew) empathetic towards little people...
What a shock she is going to get when her baby mis-behaves. I hope she doesn't beat it up.

southofthethames · 28/04/2011 04:05

YANBU. She has no excuse for pushing over a small child, whatever her circumstances. Pregnancy usually makes women nicer to other kids, IME.

And that wasn't an apology - she was turning it around to blame his sore leg for his fall.

She's nasty. I suggest unfriending her immediately. (And if she does ever try to start a childcare business, ring social services/the council!! After all, you have at least 2 witnesses - other friend, and your son.) She's very, very lucky nobody called the police.

porcamiseria · 28/04/2011 08:19

my 3 year old does the same

trim her, its not a normal reaction to annoying behaviour

dont even bother having words I'd say, just CUT/delete

so your MC aside (sorry :-() , you reaction is spot on

SmethwickBelle · 28/04/2011 08:36

Sounds like a knee jerk reaction on her part, I'm glad she did apologise, but I'd be avoiding her. Life is too short to waste on unpleasant people. I am sure even her lovely darlings will embarrass her eventually, for what it is worth.

SmethwickBelle · 28/04/2011 08:39

Sorry just tracking back and reading her text apology and it seems rather fuzzy - I'd have expected something short and unequivocal and uh probably in person or a call instead of a text.

Summerbird73 · 28/04/2011 09:20

Do inform the LEA if she applies to open a nursery, i would not want DS in her care.

I am loving your text response - you absolutely but calmly gave it to her!

Original poster

Reallyusefulengine · 28/04/2011 11:20

Thank you everyone, I will follow the advice and not see her anymore. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, I am feeling remarkably clear-headed about it now .

OP posts:

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/04/2011 12:06

YANBU - what a bitch - her "apology" to you was crap but your answer back to her was spot on. God help her poor baby!

blackeyedsusan · 28/04/2011 12:22

a reasonable response would have been a sharp no, or moving the child away. pushing is an overreaction. I would not be seeing her again.

intrigued by her dp having a year off to help with dc1.. wow.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 28/04/2011 12:29

Yanbu, what a bitch!

You reacted in the correct way, id have had a real problem resisting giving her a mighty shove, my ds is 3yr 9mnths and they love being gross, rasberries and talking about poo is rife at this age, surely she would be aware of this being a mum, i am [cangry] on your behalf, cut her out.

GandTiceandaslice · 28/04/2011 12:32

I think lots of toddlers go through a raspberry blowing phase. They think it's funny!
Mind you, all of mine did it while weaning. Facial by mushy spag bol anyone?!

Anyway YANBU. How bloody hard did she push him FGS.

And her text is not an apology really is it.

gkys · 28/04/2011 12:50

are you ok? what a bitch

mossi · 28/04/2011 14:07

Totally unacceptable and inappropriate behaviour from friend. I had a friend who kept being verbally abusive to my dd as a toddler. I kept letting it go or sometimes intervening - but it made the playdates miserable and stressful.

I only recently managed to cut ties - it was the last straw when she started doing it in the middle of the school playground.

I would cut ties now as the longer you are her friend, the harder it is. I don't think she'll change and as your dc gets older and understands what's happening, this sort of thing can be really upsetting.

SugarPasteFrog · 28/04/2011 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cuteboots · 28/04/2011 17:19

Flisspaps has taken the words out of my mouth.. She sounds like a right Tube!!

FlyingStart · 28/04/2011 18:45

YANBU. Go and find some new friends. The woman over-reacted and was horrible to both of you. I would have nothing to do with that woman again. There are so many kind and forgiving people around and who also have a sense of humour and who can laugh off such incidences. Go find one and drop that awful person quick sharpish. Can you imagine how she would react if something really serious had happened?

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