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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My MIL is an annoying old goat

94 replies

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 27/04/2011 10:41

Having family live at a distance is the pits, every single holiday, bank or otherwise, seems to be taken up within seeing to PIL needs, we both work full time and would like our lives back!

Arghhh, back from a weekend will the MIL and needed to get this little lot off my chest? you can tell me I am being unreasonable ? but good god, how can one person be so bleeding annoying?!

1 ? My baby doesn?t like her ? she is 9 months old and won?t be held by her, screams when she sees her, doesn?t like her pushing her pram? a good friend of mine said, well you know that babies are a good judge of character, like dogs ha, and given the MIL doesn?t hold back in terms of being nasty with me, it?s highly likely my baby feels this nastiness seeping through her every pore 

2 ? She is loud, rude, in your face and likes everyone to hear her when we are out? example from the weekend, having a lovely lunch in a nice restaurant with extended family, poor underpaid waitress brings the wrong dish to the table, she goes BALLISTIC ?we didn?t order THAT, take it back, we don?t want it? said with a poe faced sour nastiness? when a ?we didn?t order the lamb my dear, we ordered the chicken? would have sufficed

3 ? When we arrived, having not seen baby for 3 months, did she fuss over her or her son for that matter? nah, she asked DH to look at her printer/scanner? go figure, loving mother huh?

4 ? Having driven 400 miles to see her, paid to stay in a hotel as there is no room at the inn for crap (another story), did she offer us a bite to eat like any civil person would? no? we had not eaten since lunch, she lives in a remote area, we had a 10 pm mcdonalds on the road, not exactly nutritious

5 ? Every single effing time I go to breastfeed my baby, she follows me around going ?good feed mmm?? ? she hates me breastfeeding

6 ? She doesn?t call me mum or mummy to my baby ? rather uses the term the ?dinner lady? in homage to my breastfeeding, and also a little dig I feel that my baby is only clingy to me as I provide food, nothing to do with love, affection

7 ? As soon as I get the pram out of the car she runs off with baby, baby usually crying as baby doesn?t like her, won?t let me push my own child in her pram ? I work full time, I get very little time with my child as it is, does she not think I might like to push her out occasionally, baby starts hysterically crying as she wants mummy, as soon as mummy quieten?s baby, MIL bangs her face right up to baby, scares the living daylights out of her, tears again

8 ? She dished up lunch on Monday, and gave me the tiniest portion of roast dinner known to man, and this I was to ?share? with my blw baby? my DH however had a food mountain on his plate, and I got 2 snarled looking, full of eyes roast potatoes on mine as some kind of gift of sourness!! I am no twiggy, in fact, I know I am still carrying baby weight, but I don?t need her enforcing diets on me ? it?s the same every time we stay, I always go home lightheaded and full of a headache due to lack of food intake!

9 ? When I try to get baby to sleep, I get a audience ? what baby has ever gone to sleep when it has a mooning daft face peering at it, trying to wake it up? she stands are stares at me rocking her, waiting desperately for it not to work

10 ? She?s been in the loft, and got a nasty snarled old toy out from 30 years ago? it smells of sick, she boils it in water, it still smells of sick... and she likes to put her fingers in my baby?s mouth ? this I cannot abide, mine fine, but not hers

11 ? Baby has blue eyes, none of DH family have, I have? ?let me think, where does she get those blue eyes from, I?ll remember in a bit, its coming to me, oh great great great grandpa? ? not her effing mother then?!?! She looks like everyone, but me, my baby is the image of my brother when he was a baby, looks nothing like the miniature gargoyle?s on DH?s side, to say a baby is ugly is not a nice thing, but the baby?s on DH?s side are challenging aesthetically!

Maybe it?s me, perhaps I am too sensitive, but good lord, what happens to women when they reach a certain age, when she is pushing the pram and mooning, she is thinking ?look at me, and my baby? when all anyone sees is an old crusty hag living out a fantasy, it?s my grandchild this, my grandchild that, let?s go and visit Mrs whatever in the whatever shop who doesn?t know you, but who I can moon over you in front of while your all in tears and wanting milk from the ?dinner lady? ? AGHHH, its off my chest now!

Surely I am not the only one???

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 27/04/2011 10:43

Well hopefully you feel better after getting that little lot off your chest.

tulpe · 27/04/2011 10:45

Sounds like a mare. Rant away :o

The only thing I can relate to is item number 11. FiL spends his entire time tracing each of DCs attributes (physical, emotional or intellectual) to their side of the family. DS2 is the exact image of me - identical noses, eyes, jawline etc and yet.....drum roll.....tis all down to his great great great aunt twice removed...or some such!!

overthehillmum · 27/04/2011 10:47

LOL.....do you feel better.....

You are not alone..I think most DIL feel this way to some extent, sounds like yours is slightly worse than normal....look on the bright side, at least she's not living with you and is a 400 mile trip away...

GloriaSmut · 27/04/2011 10:47

Do babies as young as 9 months harbour such violent dislikes? Or could it be, perhaps, that she is taking her lead from you? Only it is perfectly clear that you hate your MIL so it is hardly surprising that your baby is picking up on the poison in the atmosphere.

I'm not suggesting your MIL is a reasonable person, mind, and I hope that your rant has helped clear your head!

TheRepublican · 27/04/2011 10:48

Is it slag off your MIL day on MN

FoxyRevenger · 27/04/2011 10:51

I would not take kindly to being referred to as 'the dinner lady'

Shock
DuelingFanjo · 27/04/2011 10:52

points 1 and 3 seem at odds with eachother.

I support anyone's right to moan about bad MIL behaviour but do you think it's possible your baby can sense your dislike of your MIL and that's why she has the reaction she does to her?

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 27/04/2011 10:53

It could be a new day in the calendar

I am never anything but nice to her, my tongue it pierced with bites, i buy her gifts, not just on her birthday/mothers day etc, i arrange visits, i go out of my way - because i love my DH, i married the man, not his mother, i would never be so outwardly nasty as she is, Gloria - we all have to vent sometimes, better here that to her face like she does with me - right?

I do feel better, writing it down makes me laugh TBH as she is just ridiculous, and a rude and silly old crow!

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 27/04/2011 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bemybebe · 27/04/2011 10:56

"dinner lady" .... Shock What a cow!!! Grin

GloriaSmut · 27/04/2011 10:58

I'm not suggesting you are wrong, OP. Just saying that I can understand why your baby has picked up on your feelings about your MIL. It doesn't matter how nice you are to her face if the underlying feelings are quite the opposite. Babies are remarkable astute about "atmospheres"!

saffy85 · 27/04/2011 10:59

Rant away! I used to have a deep dislike of my inlaws but with time- and more than likely due to not living in their house paying dirt cheap rent- I now get on with them alot better. They're still not staying with us after we have DC2, due in 7 weeks, despite the heavy hinting.

WRT your baby hating your MIL- I doubt she does. However, she might well be picking up on the tense atmosphere are is probably in full swing whenever you see your inlaws. My niece and nephew both used to howl buckets whenever my dad held them as they seemed to pick up how uncomfortable he was (despite having 4 kids of his own he still can't/wont hold a baby properly and appears very put out) and bawled their eyes out. My own DD seemed oblivious to how uncomfortable he was and would just sit in his lap as a baby and happily break wind like she did with everyone else. She was fine with my inlaws too, despite the atmosphere.

BrandyAlexander · 27/04/2011 11:00

Oh I am really sorry to laugh OP but your post had me ROFL!! Taking everything into account YANBU. This might be a sweeping generalisation but it strikes me that some (not all) in the baby boomer generation who formula fed (as that was the expectation then) seem to not understand mothers today who breastfeed and some can seem to have issues with it. This applies to both my mother and mil who made repeated comments during the year in which i bf dd. Just about to (hopefully) do it all again and no doubt can look forward to another year of snidey comments.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 27/04/2011 11:00

I am just a pair of boobs, nothing more, like a cow in a shed waiting to be milked ha!! I don't mind being called the Dinner Lady, but it was the way in which it was said, as if that's all i was, not a mum, in a bitter tone, with a squeeze of acid tongue!

OP posts:
pineapple70 · 27/04/2011 11:02

Well, she certainly does know how to push all the right (wrong) buttons. Sounds like she had a field day/weekend. Good that you manage to maintain your dignity. It probably really annoys her, bet she'd love you to lose it and make a fool of yourself!

Do you feel better for a good rant???

NoelEdmondshair · 27/04/2011 11:04

Your post made me laugh, OP, but you had to spoil it by calling her "a crusty, old hag" - why do women have to be like that about each other?

2rebecca · 27/04/2011 11:05

Point 1 is daft, point 2 is personality and unlikely to change, point 4 sounds like poor communication. If I wasn't actually staying with a relative then if I met them on the evening of a long drive I would clarify in advance whether or not we'd be eating together. Even if staying with relatives I clarify the meal situation in advance so we all know what we are doing.
Points 5-10 sound annoying but you should be able to change these by being assertive. I would tell her you object to being called the dinner lady and won't remain in her company unless she stops being so rude, ditto following you around when breastfeeding, just tell her to go away and give you privacy.
No-one can stop you pushing your own baby, you are the mother, be more assertive, at the same time it's natural she will want to push her grandchild as she rarely sees her.
I would ask for a larger portion of food as it's being dished up. If she doesn't do this and just gives your husband loads then I'm surprised he doesn't pass you some of his food if he knows your MIL doesn't give you enough. If his MIL moans he could tell her "I am usually... and I are both adults so need a siliar calorie intake, especially as she is breast feeding".
In restaurants women don't get a mini portions and the calorie requirement for men is only a bit higher than that for women.
So, be more assertive, and get your husband on side.

SpringFollows · 27/04/2011 11:09

Dinner lady would really get my goat.

And I can relate to number 11 too.

Better to rant on here than with her or your DH I think! :)

blackeyedsusan · 27/04/2011 11:13

once you are upset with someone, even things that would not normally annoy you in someone you like, wind you right up. Be glad that you stay in a hotel and can escape. would and increase in petrol prices mean you can afford to go less often? [cwink]

Camerondiazepam · 27/04/2011 11:13

Honestly? "Dinner lady" aside (and that is very unpleasant), she sounds fairly typical to me. She ain't gonna change, so I'd try and get used to it. Save the energy you're pouring into her and direct it somewhere a bit more positive, you'll feel so much better.

piprabbit · 27/04/2011 11:13

Sounds like a case of witchy MIL meets rampant PFBism.

No solution, except to advise innocent bystanders to seek cover urgently.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 27/04/2011 11:19

She won't last forever. I repeated that to myself about MiL when she was being a foul cunt.
Luckily for me, she died about five years ago. DH was in bits, I was ready to party.
She will die at some point.

bemybebe · 27/04/2011 11:20

What a horrible thing to say kreecher, you just have done yourself terrible disservice.

Diggs · 27/04/2011 11:21

Lol !

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 27/04/2011 11:25

I'm not looking for death, perhaps if she could obtain some manners, that would do, or failing that go mute - that would be fine

OP posts:
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