AIBU?
To not even try and think up a witty/attention grabbing title this time?
thefirstMrsDeVere · 26/04/2011 22:15
I just dont have the energy.
Please just give blood.
Please join the Bone Marrow Register.
Please think about supporting Clic Sargent. Teenage Cancer Trust. Be Child Cancer Aware or any cancer charity of your choice.
I know there are so many calls on your time and your money. I know you dont want to be guilted into doing something that scares you. I know you all care about children with cancer and their families so I wont make out you dont.
I feel so tired and I miss my girl so very very much. This time five years ago she was dying in our arms. Tommorow is the 5th annivesary of her death.
Five years since I held her. Five years since I heard her. Five years since I stroked her hair and kissed her neck.
She had so much to give the world. She was so clever and kind and beautiful and funny. So sharp but never mean.
We fall to the earth like leaves
Lives as brief as footprints in snow
No words express the grief we feel
I feel I cannot let her go.
For she is everywhere.
Walking on the windswept beach
Talking in the sunlit square.
Next to me in the car
I see her sitting there.
At night she dreams me
and in the morning the sun does not rise.
My life is as thin as the wind
And I am done with counting stars.
She is gone, she is gone.
I am her sad music, and I play on, and on, and on.
Thank you.
Hassled · 26/04/2011 22:23
Link to Bone Marrow Registry here
How to donate to Clic Sargent
Will be thinking of you.
FriedEggyAndSlippery · 26/04/2011 22:25
I'm so sorry mrsDeV.
I have been thinking about donating bone marrow - I've heard it is more difficult than donating blood and hardly anyone does it.
Can you - when you are able, I know anniversaries are very difficult - tell me a little more about how to go about it please?
I've been on MN over a year (under various names so you probably do not recognise me) and have read about your beautiful DD on many threads. Since a thread about Christmas traditions, I think of you and her whenever I see any butterflies x
EveryonesJealousOfGingers · 26/04/2011 22:30
MrsDV I have seen many of your posts and photos of beautiful Billie. I am so sorry for your loss, and I know your family haven't recognised Billie's anniversary in the past. I hope you have the chance to talk about her as much as you like tomorrow. Sending you a hug.
thefirstMrsDeVere · 26/04/2011 22:32
Thanks for doing the links for me Hassled. I know I should have but I am feeling so defeated tonight.
Broken into little tiny pieces.
I cant think of what else to do other than ask people to give blood and bone marrow and money. (not much to ask surely 
)
We have a cure but its so bloody horrible.
The treatment is so brutal.
The blood you donate gives quality of life.
Someone who donated their platlets (a blood product) allowed my DD to come home for her last weeks. She was with her mum and dad in her own front room when she died because of this selfless act.
She may have been saved by a BMT if a match had been available.
We were helped so much by Clic Sargent and my DD LOVED the Teenage Cancer Unit. Her eyes lit up when she saw her room in UCLH.
I just dont want it all to be a total waste. If perhaps people see my posts and do something.... I know that people have and when they tell me it helps me so much. It cant make things ok but it DOES make a difference.
flyingspaghettimonster · 26/04/2011 22:35
Beautiful poem Mrs Devere... and I saw your beautiful daughter on your profile. I can't give blood or any other body fluid over here (stupid fears that anyone who lived i Europe ten years ago might have BSE), but I'll make a donation to the cancer research. We have a children's hospital round the corner so we often have fund raising for the families staying at the Macdonalds house. You are right that childhood cancer is terrifying and something people tend to shy away from, not wanting to think about it.
Thinking of your family today.
Hassled · 26/04/2011 22:38
You've done so much - and of course it wasn't a waste. She was so loved - everything you've said about Billie tells me that she was so happy. You don't get to be clever and kind and beautiful and funny if you're not a very happy girl. And she had you :).
I can provide links but I'm so crap I haven't yet registered for the BMR. I will now.
sprinklingsparkles · 26/04/2011 22:42
Aww MrsDeVere, So sorry,
I give blood every session it normally feels like nothing really i find it strange when the nurses are overly grateful. but next time i go i will have you and your daughter in mind and i will really feel like im doing something amazing. 
AnonymousBird · 26/04/2011 22:42
Mrs DV.
I am so sorry, my heart lurches when I read your brave and touching posts.
I had a friend "saved "by a BMT, worked for a while but sadly, eventually, she died Christmas 2009, but she urged us all to keep trying and by god we will for her and for your DD.
I am now donating blood again after years of pregnancy and/or medication and just waiting for the "all clear" (after the medication period) to go on the bone marrow register.
Thinking of you.
lettinggo · 26/04/2011 22:43
So sad for you and your family, MrsdeVere. My husband regularly gives platelets and is often called in when he matches with someone. I just read out your post to him and we both are in tears. I can't imagine what your family have gone through. There are no words. X
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