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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what time your children go to bed?

94 replies

SacreLao · 26/04/2011 13:47

I have 2 children, DS is 6 years old and has special needs, DD is 8 years old and a typical little girl.

They go to bed together at 7.30 pm and have done for a few years. At the weekend or in school holidays my DD will stay up a little later and go bed around 8.00pm sometimes 8.30pm. She gets about half an hour reading time in bed after this and then it's lights out. DS really needs his sleep so goes bed at the same time as always.

Anyway I thought this was a pretty reasonable time for their ages but DD had a friend sleep over at our home last night and when chatting to her mum she told me that her DD goes bed at 9pm on school nights and 10pm at weekends and holidays. This seems really late to me!

Anyway I allowed both my DD and friends DD to stay up until 10pm last night thinking that DD would have fallen asleep by then, was very surprised that not only did she stay awake until 10pm but that she woke up as normal with no problems at 8am this morning.

Am I sending her to bed too early?

What time do you send your 8/9 year old's to bed?

OP posts:

Sacharissa · 26/04/2011 18:27

My 3 year old goes between 7.30pm and 8pm.

My 6 year old goes when he is tired. He will often go at a reasonable time but other times he has big ideas in his head and just has to make/do it right then! . I HE so he can sleep in extra in the morning if he wants.

Greenwing · 26/04/2011 18:38

I know from experience that lack of sleep can affect some children really badly. My DS had problems getting to sleep and used to complain of waking in the night.
He also had behavioural problems and was referred by GP to the psychiatrist who prescribed melatonin to help him to sleep.

It completely transformed his behaviour - his ability to concentrate and to control his emotions improved incredibly - as commented on by his teachers. For the first few weeks he slept for nearly 12 hours a night, as if he were 'catching up'. He now goes to bed at 8.00pm to read, lights out about 8.30pm (he is 10) on weeknights and a bit later on Friday/Saturday/holidays.

As a teacher too, I have seen the difference between pupils who get enough sleep and those who don't. The suggestion has been made that the rise in behavioural problems may be partly attributable to lack of sleep, which is partly caused by evening TV and computer games.

Can't find original research I read but this gives some info about sleep deprivation in kids: here Extract of webpage BELOW

There is a growing body of research to suggest that some kids who have been diagnosed with ADHD are really just sleep-deprived (Shur-Fen Gau 2006). But sleep restriction doesn?t always lead to ADHD symptoms (Fallone et al 2001), and it?s possible that ADHD causes sleep disturbances.

Children may also become more moody when sleep-deprived. A recent study of healthy American elementary school students links more intense emotionality with sleep problems (El Sheikh and Buckhalt 2005). Researchers monitored kids? sleep with wrist actigraphs (which can detect the physiological signs of sleep) and parental reports. They found that the most emotional kids got the least amount of sleep and had the highest number of night wakings (El Sheikh and Buckhalt 2005).

Madsometimes · 26/04/2011 18:39

Dd1 (10) has lights out at 8.30 - 9.00.

Dd2 (7) has lights out at 8.00.

We are more relaxed on weekends and holidays though.

upahill · 26/04/2011 18:44

Boys are 11 and 14 and 1/2 tend to go to bed at around 10 on a school night.
Friday and Saturday they stay up with us till about midnight as long as they don't have to be up early next morning in which case they would be in bed at about 10.00pm.

DS1 now gets up at 7.00am and DS2 gets up at 7.45 on school nights.
At the weekend DS1 likes to get up early (8.00am) while DS2 likes to get up at about 9.30am.

Bunnyjo · 26/04/2011 18:57

DD (3.8) is in bed by 7:30pm with the aim of her being asleep by 8pm - she has a bedtime story, then is allowed to 'read' for a short amount of time before the lights go out. She wakes anywhere between 6:30am and 8am.

I would definitely say that sleep requirements are an individual thing and, if your children are happy, then don't rock the boat. From very early on, it was apparent that DD wasn't every going to sleep for the 'recommended' amount of time, no matter what we did/ tried. I would kill for love a child who slept 12hrs every night without fail, but my mum assures me I was the same as DD - guess this is karma! Am currently 36wk pg with DC2 and am desperately hoping, when it comes to sleep, he takes after his daddy

Bunnyjo · 26/04/2011 18:58

DD wasn't ever, not every!

FuppyGish · 26/04/2011 19:05

Dd (6) goes to bed at about 6.45pm on a school night but usually plays/reads till about 7.30pm when she goes to sleep. She has to be up at 7am.

In the holidays anything from 7 - 8pm really but tonight she has just gone as I'd had enough! I like both dc in bed by 7pm at latest as I want to eat and have some relaxing time/DP and I time.

Bramshott · 26/04/2011 20:45

That's interesting Greenwing. Do you think you could have changed your DS's sleep pattern without the melatonin?

RtHonLadyEuphemiaOfCaledonia · 26/04/2011 20:51

Bloody hell!

Started the new routine tonight: jammies on at 7pm; amuse yourself til 8pm (Mum will read to you if you want); read quietly/listen to a Harry Potter for the 20th time story CD til 8.30pm, then lights out and no getting up again unless for the toilet.

She was asleep before 8.30!!!!

No more Grumpy Gertie in the morning!

Early days yet ...

valleyqueen · 26/04/2011 20:54

From the age of 3 until 8 it was 8pm from then it slowly crept up to 10pm she is 12 now and gets up happily at 7am

changeforthebetter · 26/04/2011 20:54

DCs go sometime between 7.15 and 8 depending on how tired they are, whether X is here to see them (always drags out bedtime even when they are half asleep ) but are definitely allowed to stay up later for high days and holidays (DD1 up till midnight on the last night of our holiday). They need the routine for school/childminder days and I stick broadly to it for weekends during term-time too.

Bramshott · 26/04/2011 22:22

That's great news TheRtHon!

LaurieFairyCake · 26/04/2011 22:25

aged 13 - 8pm, read til 8.30pm then lights out
at weekends half an hour later

she sleeps fine and is well-rested

porcamiseria · 26/04/2011 22:38

between 8-9pm, late I know. BUT they are alseep when I get up for work, and I get to see them in evening when I get back

rockinhippy · 26/04/2011 22:44

now age 8 - & its 8pm School nights, probably a bit later weekends, but she's allowed to read for an hour if she goes on time, though sometimes allowed to stay up as a treat to watch something on TV

monkeyjamtart · 26/04/2011 23:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wotnochocs · 27/04/2011 00:15

The NHS website linked to above goes on to say :

'Charts listing the hours of sleep needed by children can cause concern when individual differences aren?t considered.

These numbers are simply averages reported for large groups of children of particular ages.

They are not recommendations they are averages!! Different children need different amounts.It is well documented that brigh kids seem to require less sleep.

elphabadefiesgravity · 27/04/2011 00:32

Ds is 7 and dd is 9.

They go to bed at 7.30pm. dd is allowed to read until 8pm.

They have to be up for school at 7am.

At weekends they are allowed to stay up until 9pm.

Hatesponge · 27/04/2011 00:53

Mine don't have proper bedtimes, I've always got home from work at getting on for 7, then dinner, sorting out, chatting, bath etc and it's 8.30-9. That's prob the earliest I ever tried to get them to bed even when they were much younger.

Currently, DS2 (10) is normally asleep by around 10.

DS1 (12) is rarely in bed/asleep much before midnight on a school night.
However he has never slept much. As a tiny baby he never slept for longer than 1-2 hours at a time, or for 10 hours in a 24 hour period. I can't remember when he last slept for 8 hours a night or more.

spamm · 27/04/2011 02:17

DS is 6 and goes up at 7pm, teeth, toilet and 2 stories - 1 from me, 1 from DH - so asleep by 7.30, especially on school nights. Has been like that since he was about 6 months old, and he really needs his sleep or he looks pale and gets red eyes.

Another local mom cannot believe the fact that we work so hard to maintain his routine, and then complains that her son, same age, is always tired and in a bad mood.

honeymom · 20/07/2011 15:39

Hey. I'm struggling with this with my children. I've always been particularly strict on bed times. But have decided that perhaps 8pm for an 11 year old is a little early. However I'm frequently in bed by 9pm particularly if dh is out or working. How on earth do those that let your children stay up till very late cope with no me time? Or the constant late nights? Are they downstairs all that time? Or are they reading/playing etc in their rooms? my biggest worries are that it often appears from the out side that the naughty children at school are the ones that seem to have no routine.

But after reading this I'm thinking 9pm will probably be ok. Now I just have to convince dh.

StrandedBear · 20/07/2011 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

upahill · 20/07/2011 15:43

They both go about 10.30/11.00pm on school nights and at weekends about the same time as us if they want. Usually midnight but sometimes they go up a bit sooner.

They are 11 and 15.
When they were about 8 or 9 they went at around 9.00pm

oopsiedoopsie · 20/07/2011 15:46

my two are 4.5 and 3 respectively and they both go to bed at about 6.45, and are away with the fairies by 7. Except when we are on holiday they they stay up a few hours longer.
They both get up between 6am and 8 am depending on how hectic the previous day was.

mrsdonkeybucket · 20/07/2011 15:57

My DCs are 11 and 7. Bed for between 8:30 - 9 pm, with the option to read for a while. (Both like to read to 'wind down' - as do I !)

Weekends is the same, unless we are doing something, or there is a good film on. Made the mistake of letting them watch 'Marley and Me' a couple of weekend's ago, I didn't realise the ending was so sad, my poor DD sobbed for ages.

Neither has any trouble getting up in the morning, usually 7:30am.

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