Am worried what's going to happen to MIL

[Ishani]

She divorced her 2nd husband as DH and I moved house about 8 years ago and as she could chose to live anywhere really she followed us. Not on our doorstep but near by.
She bought what she could in a good area but with limited funds and as house prices haven't increased at all in the 8 years (it's quite a unique property) now we are looking to move she is wanting to follow and basically looking to DH to solve her accommodation problems for her.
So far it's been suggested she moves in with us
DH takes out an additional mortgage to increase her buying power
We build her something as a granny flat type arrangement

My suggestion that she sells up and rent from her not unsubstantial pension was met with she cannot afford it and yet any other single person would be expected to manage on £1000 a month without any government top ups, so I don't understand why it's out of the question for her.

AIBU to think basically she's not our dependent and since nobody has asked her to relocate with us if she cannot afford to move then she shouldn't ?

Your MIL and my GM sound like polar opposites - my GM still works part-time with no intention of retiring, suffers crippling arthritis but carries on regardless, refuses all offers of help insisting she has a bus pass and its cheaper for her to go shopping on her own rather than me picking her up in the car and just loves socialising.

How about suggesting a book club or vocational course - you can find out about them in most libraries.

If you can nudge your DH into visiting her more often, just popping in for 20 minutes for a cuppa even, you will probably find the "illnesses" become less frequent.

I'm afraid I'm not sure if there's anything else to add but I hope you can all reach a reasonable compromise.

Be prepared for her to offer to buy a house with you.

Oh yes we've had that suggesting and I wasn't opposed to it until I realsied that her £40,000 (yes she'd only give us half her funds) was in her mind going to buy her a 6 bed house, not a room within one, at that point i said er no thank you.

If you can nudge your DH into visiting her more often

he hasn't the hours in the day sb6699.

I'm glad of the moan though so thank you all, my smile is fixed firmly back in place hiding the gritted teeth

Would your DH entertain the idea that he helps her buy another flat, with a contract that says if she dies, her share automatically comes to him? (I know it probably would anyway, but she might still leave it all to the Cat's Home ).

Sorry if you've had enough of this now- just trying to think of practical ways around it.

It may well be that he just doesn't have the cash/capital- if that's the case, not a lot he can do to help her.

Bottom line is she does have the resources. She chooses not to spend them. In a way, that's understandable. I think old people are very aware that their money is finite- they have no way to make any more- and they worry about ending up "in the poor house". BUT it may be that your DH could make himself a reasonable investment out of this.

He could technically lend her the additional funds and have a charge on the property so in the event of her death he gets his money as soon as the property is sold. For the sake of £25k it might be worth doing.

Who is going to pay the interest on this loan or mortgage though ? She's not likely to if she won't use her own money or rent so that'll be us or actually me then out of pocket.

Id also be worried if she needed a nursing home what would happen would the property be sold to fund it ?

You should only ever lend money out if you can cope with the possibility of never getting it back.
If she has money of her own, she can use it.
But, she doesn't want to, that is her problem, end of.
If she changes her mind and wants to get realistic then yes, by all means do what you can/feel comfortable with.
However if she is just being stubborn for the sake of it, let her be, stubborn doesn't get her into your house does it!

Ishani Good point about the nursing home. I dont know the answer unfortunately.

Re the additional mortgage, unless you have capital floating around looking for an investment, I think she just has to pony up.

How about...
She sells up gives money to your DH, he takes out a mortgage (good rate as very low LTV) for the difference and buys a small sheltered flat fairly near your new place. Although he'll pay interest, he'll avoid death duties. It'll be a gamble.

There won't be any death duties on £85,000 at best and dh is mortgaged up to the eyes on our house already. Plus there are laws about disposing of your money in order to get out of nursing home fees and all this is assuming she would trust him with her money which she probably wouldn't .... sigh

You seem to have considered all the options, so I would just keep repeating what you've already said ad infinitum. If she says she is too young etc for all the people in her sheltered housing then she is more than found enough/capable enough to sort this out for herself!

I would not go into any financial arrangement with the MIL without good advice. Local authorities are very aware of people gifting sums now to avoid possible care fees in the future. I believe the gift (house / money / whatever) has to have been made 7 years prior to the gifter's death or it's considered as part of the gifter's estate. Excepting that, each year people can gift quite a small amount of money, certainly no more than a few thousand unless it's for a wedding IIRC. It could be a mess.

But that's a side point really if the OP and her husband don't feel it's appropriate for the MIL to move with them. It seems like there are two likely scenarios here:
(1) OP and family move, MIL decided to move, MIL funds the move. OP's family may or may not assist the move in some way e.g. arranging viewings. MIL makes lots of complaining noises.
(2) OP and family move, MIL decides not to move. MIL makes lots of complaining noises.