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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want DS to be left with 80 year old grandmother and her 40 year old toy boy?

96 replies

CrazyOrCautious · 25/04/2011 00:00

Grandmother is staying for Easter and has her 40 year old boyfriend with her. I have met him once before and he appears (surprise, surprise) to have mental health issues. Paranoia, agoraphobia, etc, etc. For example he asked for all of the windows to be locked so he didn't jump out and accused my mum of trying to blind him with a light on the end of a pen (in the middle of the day).

My grandmother is quite def and wouldn't be able to catch DS if he bolted but umm...well I guess quite with it.

I think I'm just finding the situation a bit odd and I'm not sure I want DS being left with a man I don't know.

She has asked twice now if she and boyfriend can look after DS tomorrow, I get the impression it is mainly for her boyfriend. Him an DS seem to get on.

So AIBU not to trust my grandmother's judgment?

OP posts:
Original poster
CrazyOrCautious · 25/04/2011 22:29

Can someone please advise me what to do. DGM and her boyfriend have just left to go to the hotel they are staying in. And something irreplaceable and very precious to me has gone missing. I am devastated. Literally sat in here in tears. What do I do. I'm tempted to go to were they are staying and look. But all hell will brake loose if I start accusing people. What do I do???

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 25/04/2011 22:46

You need to try to think clearly where it could be. If it has gone perhaps this is the wake up call needed. Losing an item is not as bad as what could happen.

PastorBake · 25/04/2011 22:54

What's gone missing? Have they taken ds?

movingsoon · 25/04/2011 22:59

Is it something your ds would have moved if it isn't. Phone there room and ask for it back or call the police your dgm needs help. Good luck

crufts · 25/04/2011 23:00

lol. Don't leave your kid alone with these people!

Original poster
CrazyOrCautious · 25/04/2011 23:18

Its a piece of jewellary worth about 500quid. But the how much its worth is irrelevent. Im sorry this must seem so petty but the whole situation is really upsetting me the more I think about it. And hue item is something that was passed down to me during an incredibly difficult time in my life.

OP posts:
Vicky2011 · 25/04/2011 23:21

I think the standard response of "good for her" is the first polite thing people can think to say, better than "f...ing 'ell, what's wrong with the bloke??" which would be damn rude but I suspect a common initial thought.

He is clearly a dangerous man, whether a thief or not we can't know, but you absolutely must NEVER leave your DS with him or your DGM. Getting her out of this situation would be good but ultimately being alone in our old age is something we all fear and it may be that she would rather be in this relationship than on her own. You can't make that decision for her. All you can and must do is protect your DS.

Original poster
CrazyOrCautious · 25/04/2011 23:45

Actually ive tried to be pc but fuck it its to weird. I tried for her sake to give him the benefit of the doubt but I just cant any more. He buys he clothes you would expect to see on a dolly and also allows her to sleep on a floor and provide everything. But what can I do. She is lonely and I think loves him.

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 26/04/2011 00:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CrazyOrCautious · 26/04/2011 00:41

She loves him, she will not do that. She feels a duty to look after him. If it were that easy I would do it now, of course I would.

OP posts:
ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 26/04/2011 00:59

How about you call the police (re the missing jewellery) - it might sort things out pretty quickly!

I wouldn't leave my children with him if the house was on fire.

Rhinestone · 26/04/2011 01:26

Call the police and let the chips fall where they may.

VajazzHands · 26/04/2011 02:28

Considering the man's choice of girlfriend I think we can al assume at very least he unlikely to be a pedophile.. He does however sound unhinged so please don't let him near your children supervised or not

I wouldn't call the police though as I suspect that would ruin your relationship with your grandmother.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 26/04/2011 12:17

"Considering the man's choice of girlfriend I think we can al assume at very least he unlikely to be a pedophile"

well, if we're going to do paaaaaaaeeeeeedo fever Grin then a man wanting access to small children could do a lot worse than hook up with a grandmother...

Original poster
CrazyOrCautious · 26/04/2011 13:10

Funnily enough Hectate the thought had crossed my mind Blush

OP posts:
DontdoitKatie · 26/04/2011 13:18

Well he seems very interested in the kids.

Also abusers prey on vulnerability which is present in both children and elderly people.

Calling the police sounds like a good idea.

What does your mum say about all this crazy?

Inertia · 26/04/2011 13:22

Don't leave your DS with them, whatever you do. Your GM is not fit enough to do so safely, and if this man cannot be trusted around unlocked windows he certainly is in no way suitable to look after a small child. If they ask again, just tell them no, it's not possible.

WRT to the jewellery- I'd go to see them at the hotel, explain that it has gone missing and you wondered whether they'd seen it while they were there- if not you're going to have to call the police and it's going to be so much hassle as they'd all have to be interviewed etc, so if they could just think on about whether they'd inadvertently moved it , or whether your GM could have picked it up by mistake.

Sadly, it does sound as though your GM may be vulnerable in this situation- what does your mother think?

Original poster
CrazyOrCautious · 26/04/2011 13:34

My mum thinks he is a piss taking bastard, she is not convinced his mental health issues are as severe as he claims. It seems he is unable to walk to the local shop but can to the bookies. Mum isn't particular proactive and a little self involved so will have to do it alone. Am going to phone the SS later on to today when I can get DS out of the way.

OP posts:
Vicky2011 · 26/04/2011 13:43

Yes it's impossible to know what type of abuser this man is but an abuser of some sort he almost certainly is

Original poster
CrazyOrCautious · 26/04/2011 14:16

Well now I am almost 100% sure that he took an expensive item of mine I am really worried about his motives as far as my Gran is concerned I don't know if the SS deal with that sort of thing though?

OP posts:
DontdoitKatie · 26/04/2011 14:17

Police deal with the stealing thing. Then you can see if SS get involved.

Your grandmother has brought a thief and possibly a predator into your home, you need to start with protecting yourself.

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