Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to hate most football parents?

41 replies

seeker · 24/04/2011 23:46

It doesn't matter what the coachs do to try to make kids football fun and non stressful, and to teach good sportsmanship and manners, the parents always ruin it, by shouting, being aggressive, expecting too much of their kids, second guessing the ref, shouting instructions that contradict the ones the coach is giving and giving their kids the message that it's winning that matters and who cares how you win. Grrrrrrr.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 24/04/2011 23:49

ours wasnt like this

Original poster

seeker · 24/04/2011 23:51

I'm glad some aren;t. Did you play in league matches?

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 24/04/2011 23:52

yeah,girls tho,if it makes a difference. under 14's

cat64 · 24/04/2011 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BakeliteBelle · 24/04/2011 23:54

They shouldn't be allowed. Ban them from interfering. I have heard of this phenomenon ruining football and stopping people from wanting to become referees. Vile

IloveJudgeJudy · 24/04/2011 23:56

I know what you mean. My DS 16 is a football ref. At the mo he prefers reffing men's matches because there are no parents watching. If he refs U18s or lower age groups he gets grief from both the players and the parents.

I also watched my nephew playing an U7s friendly a few months ago and one parent shouted so much at his son that the son started crying and saying "I'm doing my best, daddy, you just keep shouting at me". Unbelievable. I think many parents are reliving their childhoods through their DC.

hmc · 25/04/2011 00:01

I don't think parents should be aggressive - way out of line. But nothing wrong with shouting encouragement / advice ?

Vallhala · 25/04/2011 00:06

YANBU. I'm a referee and reffed some boys teams when I first qualified at the age of fourteen. The kids were fine, not a problem, but some of the bloody parents were horrific.

I damn near swung for a couple of them!

Hatesponge · 25/04/2011 00:28

My DSs have played for local teams since the age of 4 (they are now 10 and almost 13).

I have lost count of the times that parents/friends of parents/other children abused the refs, players and other parents. It happens every couple of weeks at least.

I've stood next to a 9 year old spectator who (in full earshot of adults he was with) called my son and his fellow players 'useless cunts' ;
Children leaving the pitch in tears because their coach/parents have told them how shit they're playing (DS1's old coach used to say winning was the only thing that mattered, else you were a loser. He is a lovely man )
Matches where fights v nearly broke out between parents and/or players;
My Ex (who used to coach a team) got constant abuse from certain parents when he didn't play their precious sons enough (in a 10 mins each way non competitve match!);
At DS1's last match (a couple of weeks ago) the parents of the opposing team gave the ref (all of 16 I suspect, certainly looked v young) constant grief, f'ing and b'ing all over the place at him every decision he made.

Every team in the leagues they play in sign up to the RESPECT stuff. It doesnt matter one bit.

BTW, I live in what is considered a leafy suburb. You wouldn't think it most of the time!

lecce · 25/04/2011 07:27

I know what you mean. I don't have first-hand experience of this but we regularly go to a park where matches are held at weekends and the language from some of the parents is appalling. The whole atmosphere just seems tense and really unpleasant.

Also, the school I work in held a match against a visiting school and the behaviour of the children was fantastic. Not so the parents. In fact, one of our teachers lost it with them as they were being so inappropriate! It was really shocking as, obviously, usually we are super-polite to parents but these parents were acting worse than kids and were treated accordingly!

It has really put me off the whole thing. I was not sporty at all as a child and now I have two ds I was kind of pysching myself up to get involved but now a part of me hopes they won't get into football as I can't bear the thought of having to spend weekends listening to a bunch of children being verbally abused. Dh, very sporty, always said he would prefer our dc to get into cricket then football, and this is why.

Dsiclaimer - obviously, we will support them in whatever sport they want to participate in, if any .

Original poster

seeker · 25/04/2011 08:01

Yes our league is fully signed up to the respect agenda. and we have a respect line and our team and is very tough on out parents if they get out of line. it often doesn work and it doesn't look as if some other teams even try!

'what's wrong with shouting encouragement/advice/'

Well, encourragement is fine - so long as it is to the team, rather than putting pressure on an individual. Advice is risky. How do you know what the coach has asked your child to do? Or what your child's own plan is/ he or she may be jsut about to do something - and they hear their parent shouting something contradictory from the line.

OP posts:

ragged · 25/04/2011 09:15

This is depressing reading. Neither DS is currently into football, should I discourage them? Don't think I want to deal with nasty atmosphere.

Deaddei · 25/04/2011 10:30

Totally agree-there are some real arseh ole parents- mums as well as dads, who shout abuse at the ref, the opposing team.....my ds plays in both Little League and Surrey Premier elite...the LL parents are worse. I complained about one of the managers who argued constantly with the ref, and told his team after the match that our team had won because they cheated. He is now no longer there.......
I think other parents can put peer pressure on the offending parents, but often back away in case Mr Chelsea shirt headbutts them.

BigSooz · 25/04/2011 10:31

Blimey, ours isn't like this. The parents mostly just chat among ourselves and only half watch.

therugratref · 25/04/2011 10:42

This is why my boys play rugby.

Groovee · 25/04/2011 11:06

It's other coaches who get on my nerves by not following the rules. One was standing on the pitch blocking some of our team from getting past him. Another one decided to start slagging off my son for being smaller than the rest of the team but good at getting the ball from tackling his team members.

Acekicker · 25/04/2011 11:38

What do the coaches say to the parents? When a parent gave me serious grief at the sports club I'm at, the head coach was onto it like a shot when he heard about it at the end of the sesion - I'm not entirely sure what was said but the parent (and kids) didn't show for a couple of weeks (may or may not have been related) and when they did come back the parent apologised to me and the other coach personally and profusely. We didn't have any more problems with them (and intersestingly their kids' attitudes improved as well).

The sad thing is that in the longer run either the kids turn into obnoxious bad sportsmen as well, or they jack in the sport totally once they get a bit older and cotton on that playing the sport seems to just get them grief/put their parent in a vile mood [busad]

tiredemma · 25/04/2011 11:49

Play rugby instead. We dont see/hear any of this.

Scholes34 · 25/04/2011 11:50

A team player of my DS was reprimanded by the ref and spoken to by the coach of the other team at the end of the match for swearing. It was out of character for the team for someone to behave like this and our coach sent round a general e-mail reminding parents of the need to curb their language and to remind them of the Respect campaign we're all signed up to.

All this happened in the same week Rooney was given a two match ban for swearing to a camera, which was appealed by his team. Also the Premier League has agreed to be nicer to the refs NEXT season. What kind of example do our youngsters get from these players and managers?

Batteryhuman · 25/04/2011 11:52

Like therugratref this is why DS plays rugby where this sort of behaviour is not tolerated and any abuse is seriously frowned on. The boys are even taught to applaud the opposition when they score at the same time as tackling ferociously and with total commitment. Take your kids to a professional rugby match and witness the behaviour of the (drinking) crowd. I once saw a group of boys at a Quins match start a bit of football style abuse and the welshmen behind them just tapped them on the shoulder and said "you don't do this in rugby".

It is such a shame as the game of football is being totally spoilt at child, amateur and professional levels by tolerance of abuse both on and off the pitch.

BeakerTheMuppetMuppet · 25/04/2011 11:55

I had a stand up row with a parent at my 10yr old DS's match one time.

After hearing her shout 'BREAK HIS FUCKING LEGS' to her own child, who was going in for a tackle against my DS.

Money is at the root of it, I reckon. Some people see the massive Premiership wages as the prize, nothing about sportsmanship or fun.

I was almost glad when he had to give up due to a medical condition.

Acekicker · 25/04/2011 11:56

So is this only a football problem then? My example was also a different sport and the outcome was the parent changing their attitude - how come other sports manage it and not football...

NorbertDentressangle · 25/04/2011 11:59

I've only taken DS to his football a couple of times (normally DP does it) and on the one occasion there was a Dad who annoyed me so much I had to post about it on here.

This bloke was just laughing and commenting really loudly on the mistakes, bad tackles, near own goals etc that the boys were making. They were only 5-6 year olds FGS!

I told DP who agreed it wasn't on and he was going to say something if it continued but it seems the bloke quietened down over the following week or so -I'm not sure if one of the coaches or other Dads might have had a word in his ear?

Other than that I think the parents at ours are a pretty good bunch from what DP has said

NorbertDentressangle · 25/04/2011 12:02

Heres the thread I posted at the time

Vicky2011 · 25/04/2011 12:11

RUGBY

HOCKEY

If you want winter team sports, both games are played by civilised kids whose parents are also civilised.

I don't know why but I feel the need to point out that the cars parked at DS' football training are on average way more expensive (X5s are pretty standard) than those parked at his rugby club. But I now sit in the car while he's playing football as I can't bear all the neanderthal dads acting like they're Millwall fans. This is not, at least in Surrey, a money thing.

Flip

1 2