Horrific rudeness that fell out of my mouth today

[hobbgoblin]

I don't know what I was thinking but the depths of my brain verbalised themselves into the following rhetorical question when faced with fat lady without kids parking her sports car in the P&child spaces:

"oh are these spaces for the fat people now then?"

And she heard, and she went to move her car but then didn't because I drove off as quickly as the awareness sunk in that I had actually said what the nasty part of my brain was thinking.

You were fat, lady... and parked obnoxiously. I, however, did not mean to unnecessarily and hurtfully link these two facts in an insult.

I had to explain what a rude moron I had just been to the eldest DC too.

Telling you all in AIBU is my self served punishment.

I am fat and on a diet and also a hypocrite.

[GitAwfMayLend]

Christ I thought pintofstella was having a laugh. Do people really write in weegie?

I have never got the fuss about P&C spaces. I park in 'em all the time (only go to supermarket after hours though, wouldn't be stupid enough to do it on a saturday morning). I used to have a red MG and parked in P&C spaces sans child. I often thought that I was risking being impaled by a spear with a mumset logo on.

[Vicky2011]

Must admit this is exactly why I have perfected a non-agressive, vaguely-embarrassed smile as a response to whenever anyone shouts weight based abuse at me - I've long thought that this would, in most cases, make them think about what they have said much more than if I were to retort aggressively. Obviously some people are just fuckers but in many cases making eye contact and smiling is an extremely effective way of making people think twice about what they have said.

That said, she shouldn't have been in the C&P places so is not exactly innocent in this tale!

[Salmotrutta]

Just a random off-topic observation - I think PintofStella is from Aberdeen/Aberdeenshire. That looks like written Doric to me, not Glaswegian.

OP yes, it was rude and hurtful but I have been rude to people (not personal insults but biting and snappish) in the past when I was young and impatient. I feel bad about that but I learned to curb my intolerance and you are obviously feeling bad enough about it.

[GitAwfMayLend]

Sorry if I got that wrong - my brother's half glaswegian and his scottish family all sound like that

[fustyarse]

GitAwf - that's not Weegie! I'd reckon east coast Scotland....

I'm Weegie and had to sound everything Stella wrote out....

[jojowest]

i wonder how old the kids were that the OP needed a P&C space, obviously old enough to understand the moron explanation, so one would assume old enough to be able to walk from a "normal" space to the shop



or does having children make you disabled OP

[Salmotrutta]

It's the "fit" for "what" that gives it away amongs other things - classic Aberdonian!!

[DontdoitKatie]

I think the fact that you say you consciously vented your hostility on someone who didn't deserve it rather than at the people who are causing you grief is the bit that's bad about this.

It sounds like you need to find more constructive ways to deal with what is probably reasonable anger, than venting it on an easy (vulnerable) target. If you can't be direct with the people who are making your life difficult, then why not write a letter you never send where you get it off your chest. It'll make you feel a whole lot better than the guilt you'll feel from hurting an innocent bystander.

[SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets]

I have said some awful things in the past too....one or two haunt me to this day.

That's Karma I guess.

Maybe you can do some kindnesses to strangers in the next couple of days to even things out a bit?

[Rosieeo]

Yeah, that's really unpleasant. It makes you sound unpleasant. No matter how shit your day has been you can control yourself if you want to.

I wonder if everyone would be so forgiving if you had hurled racist insults? I don't think so somehow.

[GitAwfMayLend]

Thanks everyone just goes to show how much I know

That post of Stella's reads like genius though, I was laughing and trying to read it out and failing terribly.

[beesimo]

The sense of entitlement on here is astounding I never use the p and child spaces unless I have a under 2 with me as I think they should be used by the Mams who really need them. I think you need to train older bairns up how to behave in a car park and not mollycoddle yourself or them.

I can't believe all this I have to be as near to the shop as possible baloney, oh poor me I'm a much more deserving case than naughty you. Some of you are very lazy lasses and need to get a grip.The car park is a dangerous place yes but one of the first things you should be teaching is road sense, my twins went in the trolley, my other 2 dds held on to the trolly and ds1 walked in front to guide his old Mam through-he always liked to feel in charge bless him. He used to say 'go canny Mam there's a lot of crackpots about today' actually he wasn't far wrong was he?

It is a supermarket carpark not a war zone for Gods sake

[PASCO]

It astounds me the level of vitriol these P& C spaces provoke.

I suppose it because we do not drive despite being in a rural location and I have got round on public transport buses, trains and feet with 3 under 5s and and at one point a DH is a wheel chair. I can do that and yet normal able bodied people can not make it to the door of a shop? Clearly this is the start of me ageing into rightwingness.

hobbgoblin - at least you took the time to explain to your DC that you had been very rude.

[TheOriginalFAB]

Hobb - lots of people have done or said something that has unintentionally upset or hurt them. Hopefully the lady will just read your OP and see you are very sorry and you did explain your error to your son. No more beating yourself up. Much worse gets posted on here when posters deliberately set out to upset or upset another poster.

[heliumballoons]

Oh OP, we all engage mouth before brain sometimes. The guilt we feel is punishment enough without asking for a flaming here.

I got cut up by an older couple (man driving) the other day when trying to park in P&C the other day. He went the wrong way up the one way system just to get there fast, and narrowly missed me.

My mouth said "old people shouldn't drive if they can't park" (unfortunatly we both had our windows open) whilst my brain said 'I feel sorry for you -tosser'.

He asked me why I had more of a right to park there than him. I replied I didn't except they are reserved for parents with children and he clearly doesn't have any with him and I was more concerned about the dangerous driving he'd displayed whilst racing me to the space. I did get in a comment about proof of why womans car insurance was cheaper. [bublush]

[hobbgoblin]

Having reflected a bit on this I feel no better but not really worse. That was the point of posting really. I didn't want justification, and thus absolution. I didn't want to thrash myself over it either but I did want to express my remorse outside my head iyswim and hear it back loud and clear how hurtful it would have been from her perspective.

I had no right to take out my grievances - that isn't what I was doing, the situation became a vehicle for that though before I had the realisation to stop it. I am very frustrated about personal circs to which there seems to be no solution and on Friday I was so at a loss as to get myself out of the mess I was feeling very close to giving up the struggle. I don't want to dwell on that though.

Yes, I had to explain to 3 DC how wrong I was. The other DC is 20 months but doesn't walk properly due to having a syndrome that affects her mobility. I haven't applied for disabled allowances yet as I can still carry her. So, I was probably deserving of the space. nevertheless, this post wasn't about that but more the fact that I hurt another person who probably has their own issues causing them to over-eat. (I know they might not, but I expect that most people don't eat to the point of ill health for the fun of it)

[fedupofnamechanging]

Look, you said the first thing that came into your head. it wasn't nice, but you didn't do it on purpose. Everyone has nasty thoughts sometimes, it's just unfortunate that one of yours popped out.

It wouldn't have happened if she hadn't been parking in the P&T space though, so if you were thoughtless and rude, then she was too, albeit in a less 'obvious' way (unless she was disabled, in which case it's okay to park there if no disabled bays are available).

You sound like you are under a lot of stress at the moment, so forgive yourself. What's done is done and I think you will be more careful in future.

[bringmesunshine2009]

I actually don't think YABU. I hate it when peeps don't follow the rules and if they choose to flaut them, they gotta roll with the punches.

If she was preggo,well ok, I think heavily preg ladies should use parent and child spaces, if disabled should have a badge. Outside of that, fight for your rights.

As for calling someone fat being akin to racism, don't be absurd. I couldn't, for example, go on a diet to make myself look Chinese!

Calling someone fat is observational. They either are or aren't. But maybe your could have called her "a higher BMI individual" to appease the PC crowd.

[PASCO]

It happened things do and you dealt with it well explaining to your DC why it was rude - a lot of people would not have done that.

Now stop dwelling and go and be a bit nicer to yourself.

[GandTiceandaslice]

I called a bloke a fat cunt this week. But to be fair, he started it. He called me a slut, whore & speccy 4 eyed slut for no reason.
I do understand how stress can make us a bit cross. I do feel sorry for the woman though cos I've been fat and must stop eating or will be fat again!

[GandTiceandaslice]

Oh & he was fat!

[AgentZigzag]

'I wonder if everyone would be so forgiving if you had hurled racist insults?'

Bit of a jump from discrimination and prejudice to calling someone fat.

Ridiculous to compare them to each other.

How the hell did that situation play out GandT? Calling someone speccy 4 eyes sounds like something a 6 YO would say, and the other names are terrible.

[loopylou6]

Bloody hell, you wanna be careful, next time you're in a bad mood and verbally abuse someone you might end up being chinned.

[moondog]

'I found that a a spoon or two of Ben and Jerry's and a glass of eased the pain'

What??
Are you insane??
That is what caused the btrouble in the first place.
Better to bite the bullet and deal with the weight than torture yourselves over people stating facts.

I once got cross with a woman parking in a space for disabled people and told her she shouldn't be there (politely). She responded with a mouthful of abuse and I told her it would do her good to park further away as she could do with losing some weight.