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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder about obesity

379 replies

crashingwaves · 23/04/2011 23:02

Please, please, PLEASE don't think that this is a fat-bashing thread, I hate it when people do that and I'd never ever do it myself.

The thing is, I love food, I do like nice food and I do overeat on occasions. My BMI is 'overweight' - I could do with shifting a stone - I'm most definitely not a size 8 smuggie person.

What I'm wondering about isn't even people a fair bit bigger than me. But really, really large people (I'm thinking around the 20 stone + region) Isn't it quite, well, difficult in a way to maintain and gain weight at that size, as you really would have to be eating an awful lot (unless a medical reason, I realise things like PCOS can contribute.)

I suppose I was wondering as my friend has a friend who is only 21 and weighs 18 and a half stone - to be honest I think she is in denial a little bit as she says things like "Oh I know I don't look this big" when to be honest she does - I understand that - but given that at that size it is fairly easy to make small changes and still lose weight, I guess I just wonder why people don't. That did sound quite bitchy and judgemental and I'm honestly trying hard to avoid that.

I can totally see how people get big, I've "been there" myself but I guess what I mean was when the scales hit 13 stone I thought "f*ck!" and went on a diet - surely if the scales hit 20 stone you would ...?

I probably deserve a flaming - can I just say mega apologies if I DO offend you as I honestly don't want to do that!

OP posts:
Vicky2011 · 23/04/2011 23:23

Yup I'm in that weight range too, thing is if you've always been overweight it's very difficult to imagine not being and it seems such a mountain (literally Grin) to overcome. I work out at the gym regularly (4 x a week) but obviously over time have simply eaten far too much - and I've been overweight since I was a toddler so it's not something I can put down to a change in lifestyle or circumstances. Fwiw today I have eaten a fruit salad for breakfast, chicken roll and couscous salad and 4 crisps (I did count them, honest!) for lunch and ravioli and tomato sauce for dinner. So far from ideal but also not troughing MacDs & pizzas either.

Original poster
crashingwaves · 23/04/2011 23:23

Yes but then there's a levelling off point? What I mean is that someone weighing say 20 stone could eat the same as me and they would lose weight while I would gain?

So I totally see how hard it is to lose weight as I'm there myself, it's so so difficult to get from a 14 to a 12 or even an 18 to a 16 but getting out of that really really big category is doable surely?

OP posts:
hmc · 23/04/2011 23:24

Thin people imo are pretty aware of what they eat and usually deny themselves - not many 'naturally thin'. Lets face it - it is tiresome sometimes having to constantly monitor what you eat (i'll keep doing however since I don't like the alternative). Went for pub lunch today and my pick list of suitable meals was a choice of two! (once I had screened out the pasta, and the pastry and the rich creamy sauces etc)

worraliberty · 23/04/2011 23:24

Why was Fabbychic's post bollocks? Confused

mamaz0n · 23/04/2011 23:25

of course it is. but a poor diet will leave you with little energy, low self esteem and a poor metabolism.

if it was easy we'd all be walking around in size 8 bikinis

Ninx · 23/04/2011 23:26

The diet industry messing with metabolism is somewhat to blame but we've had problems with DD (11) too.

Last year she got very greedy about eating despite being well-fed with five-a-day and balanced appropriate portions and was very much indulged by GPs. I swear her stomach just got used to being over-full so she needed more and more to fill it even at home.

We worked subtly to set about filling it with different things and she is slimming down naturally but it was scary to see how difficult if was to find normal clothes for her within just a few months.

All of her summer clothes (barely worn) from last year fit her even better than last because she is taller too . It goes to show just how much crap really is in snacks and drinks these days.

Alambil · 23/04/2011 23:26

why is it any more do-able to go from a 26 to a 24 than it is a 16 to a 14?

Just because it's bigger numbers doesn't mean it just leaps off you at the sight of an apple.

It still requires truck loads of effort and will power. If you don't have that, you don't lose weight.

mamaz0n · 23/04/2011 23:26

unless she has a birth deformity then she could wipe her own arse.

her entire post was about how disgusting fat people are.

how fat people are uncleen etc etc.

hmc · 23/04/2011 23:27

Absolutely Mamazon!

Original poster
crashingwaves · 23/04/2011 23:28

Lol Lewis! (at it leaping off at the sight of an apple!) Not easy exactly but - hypothetically, if someone who weighed 20 stone needed say 4000 cals a day to maintain that weight which I think is about right, then cutting down to 3000 to lose shouldn't be that hard? While if you need 2000 to maintain then its harder to cut down to 1500?

But I am being a bit U as I'm over simplifying, sorry.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 23/04/2011 23:28

Thin people imo are pretty aware of what they eat and usually deny themselves

Well that's kind of what it's all about really isn't it? Not exactly 'denial' but just not constantly treating yourself to things you really really want all the time if you know it'll make you fat/unhealthy.

I mean I absolutely love Maccy Dees and KFC....but I treat myself once a week to a takeaway. I don't treat myself every single day...but I don't see that as 'denial', just common sense I suppose?

Plus there are some delicious healthy meals and snacks...they're not all rotten lettuce leaves Grin

NettoSuperstar · 23/04/2011 23:28

My friend is obese, she eats crap, and lots of it, constantly.
She hates it, I know she does, but I say nothing, as it's none of my business.
If it were as simple as eating less she'd have done it years ago, I'm sure.
I love her anyway.

AllThreeWays · 23/04/2011 23:29

The reality is that all you need is a few calories more than you burn and it will be stored as fat, ie. that small packet of crisps, or the extra biscuit.

If you eat correctly you will maintain your existing weight.

To loose weight you need to eat less than your body wants so that you use the stored fat, and that is really difficult because you are HUNGRY!
Also if you don't get it right AND maintain some exercise you will loose muscle not fat.

Maryz · 23/04/2011 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alambil · 23/04/2011 23:31

You're right crashingwaves - in 4 weeks I lost 2 stone by simply cutting the caffeine and carbs out and going to the gym, but that cost money and I couldn't afford it... and frankly, I had/have mental health issues that prevented me keeping it up (the effort/will power point comes back again) but yes, my mum lost less than me on the same regime (she was a size 16 at that point)

FabbyChic · 23/04/2011 23:31

Mamaz, my diet is poor, crispbreads for breakfast, salads for dinner, but I have lost the weight, and yes you are right my metablism will be slower because Im not taking in enough calories.

However, I have lost over 2 stone how I found it easy to lose it.

I cannot afford to buy proper food so done it the only way I could.

I've already been told off by my son that the minimum calorie intake for me is 1000k Im not reaching a 3rd of that, but Im not fat anymore thats the main thing.

You might want to do things properly and I would love to, however I couldn't afford to eat proper balanced meals. Comes of being poor.

The only way to lose weight is to eat less, you don't need to exercise though but you should.

Deuce · 23/04/2011 23:32

Mamazon you seem so angry. Fabby is entitled to her opinion, you have said you need to lose weight, she has lost weight, sour grapes.

Or perhaps you wouldn't actually eat sour grapes dear .......

squeakytoy · 23/04/2011 23:32

If you dont eat enough, your metabolism can slow down too, and your body go into "starvation mode", so you can still struggle to lose any weight. Small regular healthy meals are the only way, and eating breakfast is absolutely vital.

I am not a fan of eating at breakfast, but I can manage a slimfast shake quite easily.

hmc · 23/04/2011 23:33

Oh I definitely see it as denial worraliberty - but then I am a bit of a hedonist. Difference these days is that I just about think denying myself is worth while...occasionally I get very pissed off with being 'good' though!

mamaz0n · 23/04/2011 23:33

well im a big fatty. i weigh about 22 stone - if not more- wear size 24 clothes and if i walk into a bar with my skinny minny friends im still the one that gets the most attention from the men.

honestly, there is more to life than checking calorie counts on every lettuce leaf.

I can think of nothing worse than going to a restaurant and not enjoying myself for fear of what the scales will say tomorrow.

i would love to get a bit fitter and to tighten up the wobbly bits, but if i ever reached a stage where i was having to walk around with a calculator to check my daily calorie intake then just shoot me.

mamaz0n · 23/04/2011 23:34

deuce - nice try love.

Mahraih · 23/04/2011 23:34

OP I understand, I've never really understood how very large (i.e. morbidly obese) people can maintain a very high weight, without some effort.

For some morbidly obese people, it must just be consistently overeating a certain amount of calories, and consistently making negative food choices. But that is oversimplifying things, and weight loss is more complicating than 'just eating less'. I firmly believe that someone who allows themself to become morbidly obese for a period of time has an eating disorder of some kind, and that needs to be addressed.

I can absolutely see how food becomes a crutch, a friend/enemy, etc, and how someone can eat enough to become and remain obese. To become and remain a normal, slim person (I was the other side of the coin; disordered with an extremely low BMI) I have not been able to just switch off and eat naturally. I have seen sandwiches that clock in 700 calories!! HMC is right - thin people are usually aware of what they eat and do usually deny themselves. Not in an unhealthy way but for example today, I deliberately had a small lunch because I knew I'd have a hot cross bun in the afternoon, and I also watched what I ate at dinner - I could comfortably have had seconds of everything, but my body didn't need it.

TrillianAstra · 23/04/2011 23:35

A creme egg has 170 calories in it, not 500.

And yes, the question of 'needing more calories to maintain weight' has occurred to me too.

If your appetite says that you would prefer to eat 3000 calories a day, then at some point you will reach a weight where that is maintaining-weight eating, not gaining-weight eating.

If you are going to keep gaining weight (to the not-able to get out of bed extent) then you'll need to keep upping your intake.

squeakytoy · 23/04/2011 23:36

Fabby, to say you cant afford to buy "proper" food cannot possibly be true. Veg is cheap, and since I have been dieting for the last 5 weeks, our food bill has been much lower than usual.

And exercise IS important, it is what burns the fat, and tones your body so that you dont end up with saggy loose skin if you do lose the weight.

Original poster
crashingwaves · 23/04/2011 23:36

I'd hope it wasn't about male attention though just health and i apply that just as much to skinnifers as I do to bigger people, I've really hoped to avoid being judgemental but if I was say ten stone larger than I am now, I would be extremely worried about the long term implications for my health. Fat doesn't mean ugly, and thin doesn't mean pretty either.

OP posts: