to wonder about obesity

[crashingwaves]

Please, please, PLEASE don't think that this is a fat-bashing thread, I hate it when people do that and I'd never ever do it myself.

The thing is, I love food, I do like nice food and I do overeat on occasions. My BMI is 'overweight' - I could do with shifting a stone - I'm most definitely not a size 8 smuggie person.

What I'm wondering about isn't even people a fair bit bigger than me. But really, really large people (I'm thinking around the 20 stone + region) Isn't it quite, well, difficult in a way to maintain and gain weight at that size, as you really would have to be eating an awful lot (unless a medical reason, I realise things like PCOS can contribute.)

I suppose I was wondering as my friend has a friend who is only 21 and weighs 18 and a half stone - to be honest I think she is in denial a little bit as she says things like "Oh I know I don't look this big" when to be honest she does - I understand that - but given that at that size it is fairly easy to make small changes and still lose weight, I guess I just wonder why people don't. That did sound quite bitchy and judgemental and I'm honestly trying hard to avoid that.

I can totally see how people get big, I've "been there" myself but I guess what I mean was when the scales hit 13 stone I thought "f*ck!" and went on a diet - surely if the scales hit 20 stone you would ...?

I probably deserve a flaming - can I just say mega apologies if I DO offend you as I honestly don't want to do that!

Of course it's possible to overcome addictions, whatever they are, but it's obviously not easy, otherwise we wouldn't have an obesity problem

Of course we would. Unless you are saying that absolutely all obese people have food addictions?

Surely some are just unwilling to eat healthier foods (like some of the earlier posters) some find it too difficult to exercise enough and some are just greedy etc...

I don't think it's helpful to assume everyone has an addiction just because they're not losing weight.

Ok Missy, lets use bread for an example. You dont need to quit it, or go cold turkey. You change to wholemeal rather than white, you dont slather butter on in thick chunks, you spread it thinly. The choice of low fat alternatives and healthy alternatives these days is fantastic too. Nobody needs to completely deny themselves everything that is unhealthy, it is about changing the balance and having the "bad" stuff as treats now and again, not something you have everyday as the main part of your diet.

It is psychological, but it is totally different to stopping drugs, smoking, or alcohol, because you can still have the things you enjoy, you dont need to stop completely, you just have to cut down, and make different choices.

If you are thirsty for example, and really really want an ice cold can of coke, (one of my downfalls), yes it tastes great, but a bottle of ice cold water will still stop you being thirsty. My addiction to coke is probably one of the major factors in my weight gain. I stopped buying 12 cans a week, there is none in the house. The first week was hard, the second week got easier, and now a month on, I dont miss it, and the thought of something so sweet really is not appealling to me at all now. I craved a fizzy drink though, so I get the sugar free ginger ale, which doesnt have nasty sweeteners in it.

We have swapped ice cream for frozen yoghurt, and the Ben & Jerrys one is so rich and "creamy" that you can not tell the difference, but the fat content is much much lower.

I'm always amazed that people wonder how people put on weight.

I found after I had both dcs and was working, I was so exhausted (lack of sleep and a long hours job) that I ate to keep my energy up and was too tired to exercise. I can see how easy it is to get into that cycle of tired = eat = put on weight.

I also found it far harder to exercise even when I was only 'overweight' (ie not obese). My knees took a lot of strain!

Also, I have a friend who is a size 18 and I know she does have problems having sex :(. Her thighs are so large that they don't part enough iyswim.

I think the weight can creep up on you, especially during pregnancies. Before my first dd, I weighed on average 63kg, giving me a BMI of 23.8

A year before I gave birth to my first child, I weighed 73kg. When I weighed myself after I had given birth, I weighed 82kg. I was determined to lose weight, but to my horror, when I weighed myself a week after the birth of my second child, I weighed 87kg. On my weighing in for my 3rd (and final) child (at 4 months pregnant) my weight stood at 89kg - a BMI of 35. For the first time in my life, I was clinically seriously obese. Despite my best endeavours not to put on weight, following the birth of my 3rd child, I tipped the scales at 97kg. Fortunately, I managed to drop down fairly quickly back to 89kg, whereby I plateau-ed at around 87-89kg for a few months. Then it began to drop again, but a lot slower rate than I had gained!

If back in the summer of 1999 when I weighed 56kg, someone had said that in 10 years time I would be pushing twice that weight, I would never have believed them. But I did. Sad but true.

There are a myriad of reasons why people struggle to maintain a healthy weight. Some are medical, some are psychological, some will have addictions, some will have difficulty in exercising. Some will even have a combination of issues.

Eating shit doesn't, in itself, make you fat. There are plenty of slim people who live on shite. People were obese before the microwave was invented.

Serenity, perhaps complusion is a better description, I don't know. Regardless, it really doesn't make the problem any less serious or genuine.

Just like some folk are happy to label those with say, OCD as nutters or loons, some folk find it easier to label obese people as stupid, lazy or greedy. It saves having to think too hard.

I've never understood a lot of overweight peoples negative attitude to slim people. How many times have you heard "what would she know, she's a size 10" "what would a skinny minny know about dieting? She's probably anorexic or really unhealthy"
it makes far more sense to me to learn from slim people- after all they do it sucessfully! They've achived what dieters want to! In any other facet of life you would immediatly seek out an experienced person to learn from when you don't know how to do something. Why do over weight people not ask/ listen to skinny people? Is it part of the defensiveness, like it's a blow to your pride to admit someone knows more than you?

Serenity I have 2 wonderfully slim friends (as I was myself before becoming pregnant/ill)

One has the most healthy attitude towards food. She eats what she likes, doesn't deny herself anything and never diets. She doesn't go to the gym, but she walks and has a generally active lifestyle as well as doing regular yoga.

The other one has serious food issues, weighs herself every day, is obessive over what she eats, is constantly dieting, is enormously unhappy in herself due to issues in her childhood. She has struggled with anorexia and bulimia and still does, sadly.

Perhaps we should aim to stop sterotyping anyone by their apperances and treat them as an individuals?

Eh? I'm not sure how that relates to my post, it reads as though you're accusing me of stereotyping people, which I haven't

That's so true. When I weigh less than 80 kg, people treated me with a lot more respect. My qualifications were automatically believed whilst when more than 80kg people definitely thought of me as thick, lazy and greedy. When I told them what i used to do employment wise before children, I was called a liar! Especially civil servants in healthcare. I remember an equally obese midwife telling me that i was "too fat". I was very tempted to reply, " so are you. At least I am seven months pregnant."

at every insult, I remained polite, restrained and in-check ( with the exception of one occasion). Which is why I never say anything insulting to obese people. I have a memory and I remember how horrible people were to me when I was obese. I would not wish it on anyone.

Tell you what though. I am now becoming thinner than some of the women who had insulted me previously. The temptation to say something snide like, "my word, haven't YOU put on a lot of weight" is very tempting.

I agree serenity

I am currently overweight and doing slimming world.

People could very well look at me and say 'she's greedy' 'she's fat' or whatever, but the fact is I currently eat a very well balanced diet and am losing weight.

Skinnyness is the same - for all they know that person could have been very overweight and lost it, and in fact know far more about it all than the person judging!

There's a woman at my work who is morbidly obese. She says 'of course, my short height doesn't help' - makes me inwardly giggle every time!

You're suggesting that overweight people take diet advice from 'skinny' people, as though 'skinny' people have some innate wisdom on diet. I'm merely pointing out that is rather presumptious.

Not presumptuous, it does assume common sense (ie don't take advice from a bulemic) which is maybe a assumption too far if you think people aren't bright enough to distingush between good and bad advice

I understand perfectly well what a healthy diet and lifestyle is, thank you, Serenity. I'm overweight, not stupid. I used to be a thin person, putting on weight didn't affect the use of my brain as far as I'm aware.

I don't need to ask a thin person how to lose weight and honestly, how would they know? Maintaining a healthy weight is a doddle, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Maintaining a healthy weight is far from a doddle, wubbly for many of us.

The thing is that many overweight people simply don't understand. I've seen several threads on here (and known people in RL) where people say I'm not that bad, or 'so and so eats more/worse than me'.

The fact is we are all different so we have to eat according to our own metabolism, not other people's.

A friend of mine was terribly over weight - maintained that she didn't overeat, but one time we were all staying out overnight had six pieces of white toast for breakfast and a whole dominos pizza for lunch. This is not a stupid person by any stretch, but she clearly either didn't get it or was kidding herself.

If it were as simple as a healthy lifestyle then noone would be overweight would they? What you don't seem to be seeing is that many skinny people don't need to maintain their weight- they don't even think about it. It just is. They don't have a complicated relationship with food and the scales. They don't think about it. that is the sort of thing I think people who want to lose weight coudl learn. They clearly don't know it, or there wouldn't be an issue.

Hairy, it really isn't difficult for me to maintain my weight, or at least not when I was healthy. I really don't need to take any diet tips from a skinny person.

The fact is I'll probably gain more weight due to my current medication. I'm hoping that at some point in the future I'll be able to lose what I've gained but it's unrealistic tbh.

I can't pretend to understand why your friend would eat as she does, but like you say, she's not stupid. She obviously isn't eating that amount because she is hungry though, so something is going on.

Serenity, are you one of these people you could help all us fatties to lose weight?

Feel free to enlighten me, I'm all ears.

Or was under somesort of trance. As someone alreadyentipmed, a combination of events can destabalise a healthy lifestyle balance. With hindsight, I can see the events which caused me so much stress and anxiety that I was distracted and placed my wellbeing beneath my list of priorities. It then became a habit difficult to break.

I had to constantly remind myself to eat at the table. I had to remind myself not to graze. Not to finish other people's left overs. Not to use food as a reward or comfort. I had to ensure I had got myself a new set of habits that would help me lose weight and keep the weight off. This takes time, help from peers ( especially friends and family) and perserverance, which alas, is seemingly in short supply.

No, perhaps it isn't difficult for you wubbly but it is for some people.

If you are going on medication that may affect your metabolism and want to get to a healthy weight, then you'll need to eat less, or move more, simple as that.

and in regard to your retort to serenity - there are simple ways (which require a little self-discipline) to lose and maintain weight, doesn't make it easy to do though.

I'm not really clear from your posts - do you want to be a healthy weight or are you just being provocative?

She's being provocative. It's really a waste of energy.

I'd love to be a healthy weight but, as I posted earlier, having cancer is kind of getting in the way a bit.

Ah, I see, I'd missed that part wubbly. I still disagree with your general POV.

I wish you a speedy recovery.

hairylights Sun 24-Apr-11 09:11:21 - "If a person is overweight or obese, they have, at some point eaten way too much food. End of."

If a person is anorexic, they have, at some point eaten way too little food. End of I don't think that anyone here would think that that is a helpful suggestion, so I'm not sure why a similar statement about obesity is allowed to pass unchallenged.

Telling morbidly obese people that all they need to do is eat less and/or exercise more is not really helpful, anymore than telling an anorexic that all they need is a good meal or two.

Somebody upthread talked about the seriously, long-term obese having eating disorders that need treatment. I think very few people in this category get the support they need to change their relationship with food. Treatment is all about fixing the symptoms (losing the additional weight) not treating the underlying causes.

Damn. Someone els'es login - that post was from me.

This whole thread is not about that though, clearly, clearly there are exceptions and medical reasons why it's hard/ impossible to manage your weight and times when quie frankly, it can take a back seat. But nit every obese person has cancer, this thread is about the situation as a whole. you can't take a very minority reasoning and use it as an excuse for noone to be able to lose weight.

It also makes me wonder why on earth you'd ask to be given dieting tips when you know they can't work? To be argumentative?